I'm still awake

Wednesday 5:23 am
I'm just getting over being sick, so it figures that I can't sleep/rest. I didn't want to take any sleeping aids, cause that makes it really hard for me to get up in the morning and I have a class that starts at 10am. After that, I have a lot of errands to do before I leave. I am looking forward to the ride with Anastasia, we have LOTS to talk about.
It'll be weird, I haven't been in Fort Wayne since May 2007 and that was fairly brief, during the Drowning With Our Anchors tour. I was a different person then. I can't remember the exact amount of time, it seems so long ago - as I write this, specific moments flash and it seems like it happened earlier this evening. A dear friend had just had a baby. This above all hits me the hardest, in terms of time passing by - those first 2 years. I remember Joel, how I was with him nearly everyday for his first 2 years of life. Amazing all that I learned about children. All that I taught him how to do - from walking to reading - and in turn all the things I learned. And all the things I've learned since then makes me anxious for the next opportunity to be that involved with a child.

I hope Nick can fit me in to get some work done. I've had 2 tattoos I've wanted him specifically to do for a long time, one for at least 5 years, and another since right after I saw him back in May when we all got the bone anchor tattoo. I didn't get the other one cause I didn't have the exact artwork with me, and didn't want to settle for something close enough. Now I have it and something relatively new I made up.

oh PJ sings to me "This is kind of about you - This is kind of about me - We just kind of lost our way - But we were looking to be free" - big exhales and sighs and nods of agreement.

I draw parallels with everything...
This is nonsense - at least I can recognize it as such.
I wonder if you're/who is still reading this.

Yesterday, I saw this homeless man stopped on the stairs, desperately trying to make eye contact with anyone that passed him. He looked like a lost child. It was towards the end of rush hour, so it was rather busy. This seems like it should have been easy for him. I noticed everyone that approached him, look down, an attempt to avoid him at all cost. He just kept looking, wanting to be acknowledged by anyone at all. This was all innocently done, and not in an aggressive manner. This all happened in a split second, but easily ten people ignored him. I decided to not only look him in the eye, but also smile at him as I passed by on the stairs - his entire face lit up with a sweet lonely old man smile that could melt the coldest of hearts. Recognition. He continued on his way. I on mine.

This all somehow reminded me of a boy barely above [my] knee height that I noticed a few days ago [I remind you, I'm rather short, so this boy was tiny]. He came running out of the subway exit, to the street level, and he starts trying to kick the three pigeons that were around. Right on dude! I liked him and gave him a thumbs up. I don't think his mom was too pleased with me encouraging this behavior. I got the look, you know the one.

Now imagine if I spent this much effort on all the homework I have to do.