a tale of a fourth grade dinner party.

I have been sending around emails with a few personal updates and some of my friends write back some of the sweetest, most meaningful, and endearing replies I could ever hope for. Some write back with the funniest things I have ever read. Both of these things are equally appreciated, important, and even needed. Some are not responding and even one of is forwarding the emails around to people that are not involved or have the slightest of clues to where I've been and what I have overcome.
I have made reference to the importance of friendships since I have been publishing my writing, for just over 10 years. A lot of people like to put so much emphasis on family (family first!), but sometimes our paths are truly that of which we have to walk away from those that were mere vague figures of what the idea of family is, or should be. My friends have always been my first family.
It's always really exciting coming across long lost friends, and more so upon realizing you went along the same paths. Last year, I reconnected with my best friend from elementary school, whom, I haven't spoken to since then, and we realized we both were in bands involved in the same distant sense of community. This shows me that people that come in our lives are meant to. He was a truly great friend. In fourth grade I was allowed to have him over for dinner, I think the only time that ever happened. He exclaimed proudly, "Look at him, he's like the godfather!" Because my step-mom said something negative towards me. He was talking about me, with clear reference to this is going to be a great man, support him and you will watch him grow, cross him, and you will be sorry, stifle him and it will be one of the greatest crimes ever committed.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008; 12:07p

Still this 4:30a.m. crap. I have been waking up at 4:30a.m. everyday for the last month, on the dot, with out fail. I'd like to think this is improving. But I've been doing this waking up in between 4-6a.m. for no reason, for 3 years with regular occurrence, more on than off. And during those times, more often than not, it's 4:30a.m. What is this? I was born at 3:27a.m. so that isn't what it is, did a relative die at this time? I mean seriously, it's starting to really get to me.
Eventually, I got up and did a few things.

I walked out of the door at exactly 10a.m. I returned one hour and one minute later (11:01a.m.). I headed North(east) on Troutman and turned right on Metropolitan.
They really do import dog shit into my neighborhood. No other neighborhood in all of NYC has this much shit per capita.
It was an interesting walk. I passed a building that was unbelievably huge in length. It reminds me of the GM factory outside of Fort Wayne. That building is so long that the curvature of the earth had to be taken into consideration when they designed it. This building though, I couldn't figure out. It's not a school, not a prison, and not a factory - Just tons of no trespassing signs and surveillance warnings. Of course, my camera batteries were dead. This is my luck, this building and the run down ice cream stand would have been interesting to shoot.
Out there, it feels like those little towns I would curse for making me slow down while driving through on tour, or the ones off the smaller highways in Indiana - between Fort Wayne and Richmond, for example. The ones you WILL get a ticket in if you are seven miles over the speed limit. It's quaint, run down, dirty, desolate. This is where people come to die.
I passed a mansion and some really huge churches.
I lost track of the random turns I took and in turn got lost myself. It was an overcast day so I couldn't see the skyline of Manhattan. I'm not really sure if I would have been able to anyway, there is a hill in between where I was and the city. I trusted my intuition and found a familiar street name.
I had walked really far east into Queens. I was walking fairly fast, and found myself in unfamiliar settings. It felt good. My mind raced over my past and made plans for the future. I had no time to ask questions or get a word in edgewise. I gave silent thanks for things that have happened, that have allowed me this freedom to explore the city I am learning to call home. I thought of many loved ones, some have come and gone , but they are a part of me now, forever, responsible for shaping the person I am becoming. I am so thankful that no one can rob me of my failures.
As I got closer to my apartment, the sidewalks' shit covered ratio steadily increased.