last post of december/2008

I wanted to write a much more detailed post about the end of the year and all that this one entailed, which was a lot - but got distracted and decided I'd wait.

I sold the 8 track, and inherited a 4 track - so I started going through some of my tapes today.

I posted one song eddie and I recorded sometime in 2000/2001 on the message board.

then I got to the congress of the crow demo
I mean xcongressofthecrowx - we recorded 8 songs August 8, 2000. 8 - 8/8/∞
oh man. I haven't heard this since I mixed it back in August of 2000 (I'm assuming the same day that I recorded this on a 4 track).
unfortunately I lost the actual 4 track tape so we get the mixed down version, with tape warble and all.
the original cassette tape was 8 songs + the sample, which gets cut off on the tapes, but Jeremy insisted that we use it on the red heroine cd. I still don't know what movie it's from.
2 songs should be recognizable. and one other song is actually a "cover" (I don't know if that's really a cover, I wrote it) of a photograph to remember you by - the band Jarod, Jeremy, Adam and I were in at the end of 1997.

I remember recording these songs in my parent's basement, we would sneak all the equipment in while they were at work to practice and record, threaten my brother and sister not to tell on us and then leave. It worked for the entirety of the band.

Vocals were split up between the three of us, I'm mostly on the left and eddie and jeremy are mostly on the right, I think.

I couldn't scream that fast and I don't remember much of the lyrical content, so listening back to these, I am laughing at all of us!
Jeremy picked the song titles out from medical dictionaries. And for some reason put an Albert Camus quote in our linear notes - I'm pretty sure he's never read any Albert Camus outside of one-liners, and other quoted passages. "A profound thought is a constant process of becoming." which is actually a misquote as it should be - "A profound thought is in a constant process of becoming."

tracks 8+9 are from an earlier demo session/practice, I don't remember when it happened.
I don't know the song title to one song, and the other one Jeremy yells it out before we play it.
I don't really remember why or how it happened but by november we had recruited John Cheesebrew to sing for us, and resulted in the name change. I spoke of this in an earlier post. I think the practice space may have played a small part in this decision.

now that I think about it, it's possible the 8 songs were recorded on John McCormick's digital 8 track, but I don't think so - but that would explain why I don't have the original tracks/tapes - it's possible they are in my missing fire proof safe - which holds all the original recording sessions for a few bands, the test presses of all the records, and some other things, that I can't remember.

anyway, here's the demo + 2 bonus tracks.


I don't know why I haven't posted this before.
Dead Letter Auction recorded 5 songs in September 2003 with Mike Lust in Chicago at Phantom Manor.
We never released these songs, though they are floating around on the internets and stuff.
I think we didn't release them in part because Chris broke up the band again, by moving someplace silly - recording/engineering school in Phoenix, maybe? and then John got himself a family and all that - so we couldn't tour on the ep.
The bridge and the message were written with the intention of being on a split 7" with Ten Grand - that didn't happen because Matt passed away.
We wrote a few more songs and decided to record them all before Chris left us. Actually a part of the song [the Morrow] has a song that sounds an awful lot like a Ten Grand part (my guitar on the intro), and in part [the Mourning] was written for Matt, among other people and things. so this last ep was shaped very much by that.
all songs are titled with a "the" intentionally, with the last 4 being "the M_______" also intentionally.
these songs weren't exactly finished when we entered the studio. I didn't have the words written for one song, and the other I had never really sang, or even worked out the phrasing for the second half.
I love these songs a lot, and I think they showed a real promising direction that we were heading. Lyrics really sum up everything I was feeling at the time and was a perfect reflection of that specific moment as well as the band.

Dead Letter Auction - the Bridge

I found a bunch of old DLA things with some really interesting early versions of songs and such. I'm hoping to find some of the songs we didn't record in the studio. I found a tape from August 2001, I forgot that we actually had cancer of time, foreshadow, and excise written before we recorded vertigo. I knew foreshadow was that old, because the words "I want to see their buildings lay down" became an issue when 9/11 happened. anyway, these songs and things will probably get posted sometime next year.

also, I messed up January by posting 13 posts instead of just 1 -
and August I only posted 3 posts, instead of 8. but who's really counting?

last post of 2008.

what an interesting last couple of days.
I was stationed at a friend's, house/dog sitting. I watched a lot of movies and read The Cambridge Introduction to Foucault in one sitting. I'm really into this series, the Benjamin one was great and even covered some stuff I wasn't aware of. With Foucault, I'm at least familiar with all the works looked at, and enjoy having these shorter overviews. It did make me realize I need to re-read the History of Sexuality. I still standby my earlier disappointment in that it doesn't look at the ethical relationship in the other, or the partner, the emotional effects, and doesn't count for love all that much. Overall I think this reflects what I feel is just one of the selfish motivations Foucault had in writing The History of Sexuality, another being due to his sexual preference. I think I am becoming more and more disappointed in Foucault the more I look at him, and his delivery of ideas, critically. Mostly in the fact that he tends to make up a lot of his "facts" and seems to be self serving. Apparently he's more of a smartass than can be translated from French to English, which would be redeeming, however only slightly. I think, again, what attracts me to him, is his change at the end of his life, where he did become more interested in the ethics of the care of the self, an unfortunate death leads us to wonder where he would have gone with those ideas. His work is still very important, and very much needed, and did make many advancements in the fields of social science and thought. I don't mean to focus on the negative here, as he is a major influence, and will continue to be so...

One of the movies I watched, Man on Wire, had music by Michael Nyman, and I was fairly disappointed with his recycling of themes, melodies, and parts of the Gattaca soundtrack, which I mentioned a few posts back. I was so taken by hearing the music that I had to pause the movie to look up who did the soundtrack, to confirm my suspicion. At first I thought it was really cool, but along the way got somewhat annoyed by what is nearly a remix of the songs. The movie looks at Philippe Petit, a tightrope walker and street performer, who tight rope walked the Twin Towers.

Friday night, a cab driver asked me where I was going, before I answered he said, wherever it is, I'll take you for $6. I was going home, and this was at least 1/2 of what it had been, I wasn't looking for a cab, but am always up for an adventure, something told me I'd be in for one. To further justify this, my metrocard had expired, so I would have had to buy a new one. I wish I wanted to go somewhere else, but after being stationed at the other house, I actually wanted to return, to shower, shave, sleep in my bed, see my things. Oddly enough, the cab driver had to be in my area to pick up his wife shortly, and had time to kill. He knew my neighborhood well, and I didn't have to give him directions - when I first moved out here, I didn't know how to get home, and the cab drivers would always get so mad at me. I now know how to get home from just about any point in the city and don't have to tell the drivers how to get there. Occasionally one will tell me a different way to get home, which is always useful. Anyway, this cab driver is Pastor Pete, and he says he's "Rolling for Jesus" in an attempt to get people out of the churches and in a meaningful relationship with God. He collects food from restaurants and bakeries and gives it to homeless people. He has had a few documentaries made about him, and had been in other movies as well. He gave me his number and told me to call him if I ever needed anything. I noticed a small camera on the windshield filming the backseat, but didn't inquire why, I assume it's for protection, and so on. He told me a few stories about how he's talked people from jumping off the bridge, "the bridge will be there in a month from now, let's talk about it, give me a month." and other things, including falling outs with people involved in one of the movies he was in - essentially a crazy jew out to make money - which made me laugh at his fake accent and stereotyping.

Saturday I saw the roadshow version of Che (the two films, The Argentine and Guerrilla) by Steven Soderbergh. It ran 4 hours and 17 minutes, with an intermission (during which I played phone tag) adding roughly 20 more minutes. Soderbergh was there in person the night before, had I known, I would have definitely gone to that one, but I would have missed out on the cab ride. The movie was amazing, of course. Benicio again turns in an amazing performance, easily one of the best actors of all time, not just in his acting, but what he brings to the movies in terms of ideas and how he shapes the movie. I make note of the car chase scene in Way of the Gun, as that was his idea, and wasn't in the script. The two movies serve as a dichotomy of the success of the Cuban Revolution and the failure of his time in Bolivia - which led to his execution. I highly recommend seeing them both. I have an extra program if anyone is interested. It's really just the credits and some photos/stills from the movie. The roadshow version didn't include credits, I'm assuming to cut down on time.

at some point in the night, KXLU broadcast Drowning With Our Anchors and Portraits of Past playing from The Smell. It was the first remote broadcast, and there were some issues with the streaming. Both bands certainly didn't turn in their best sets, and the whole reason I was excited to hear the show was at the prospect of the possibility of hearing new songs. Drowning didn't play any new songs, and KXLU had a change of program, so the broadcast was cut short, and the listeners didn't hear all of the Portraits of Past set. I recorded it, but it's unlistenable, with the stuttering stream, and the audio mix.

Now it's Sunday, I'm about to go ice skating with the girl I babysat fall 2007- spring 2008, which ended due to her moving to Kansas. It's currently 64 and grey, how I recall the weather being most of the time we spent together, so it's fitting.

Also in closing, I want to leave with 2 notes one on the successful student sit in at the New School - which you can read about here - www.newschoolinexile.com -
and lastly, in the Cambridge Introduction to Michel Foucault, Lisa Downings refers to a passage by Nietzsche in which she says he plays the part of evangelist, turning the tables on Christians using their method of "fire and brimstone" to deliver the following:
"I call Christianity the one great curse, the one great innermost corruption, the one great instinct of revenge, for which no means is poisonous, stealthy, subterranean, small enough - I call it the one immortal blemish of mankind." - Nietzsche - The Antichrist - [pg 656 - The Portable Nietzsche].
I am not sure if I agree with her, as that being his intention, of if he actually meant it, either way, I mean it wholeheartedly.

the end of the semester is (almost) here

...I just have to turn some stuff in at 9am tomorrow. I'm probably going to stay up. Then I have my German final on Tuesday - seemingly very late, considering the next day is Christmas eve. Only one class has been posted so far, and I got an A, not an A-, so that's at least 2. I was terrible this semester and didn't really deserve those 2 A's. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get A's in the other classes, but I was expecting that, we'll see sometime next week or so.

Now it's time to look for a new job, and clean and organize my room again. Hopefully work on some things I haven't had time to do, I'll use the due to school excuse, but there's really no reason I can't handle school, work, extracurricular studies, bands, AND hanging out, but I sometimes don't even get out of bed, because I am overwhelmed with just the prospect of getting dressed. I am extremely anxious for the departure of current roommates and the arrival of the new ones. I am going to finally have a party after Alex arrives.

I bought my tickets for Hawaii, I'll be there February 4-8th. It was only $400 round trip, and yes it's short, but I don't want to miss a lot of school like I did at the start of this semester with our reunion shows and the visitors and all. I think I'm going to Vegas the 12th-16th (also in February) cause I have a break, it really depends on a job. I'm thinking about spring break already. It's kinda long, April 8-April 19th (the 20th being Monday + my birthday), I don't know what I want to do. I'd like to spend time with friends again, but I should probably work as much as I can so I can have more money to spend in Japan on sake.

No summer classes. I am not doing the Berlin program after all. So that means I'll be working in New Hampshire in August, and then I start on my teaching degree at Hunter, barring some major change in plans, or what have you.

New bands still haven't done anything due to cancellations and schedule conflicts. At some point in the winter/early spring Jarod is coming to NYC and we're recording Tarpit for the comp. I'd like him to play on Kracked with me as well, but we'll see. I have some pretty cool artwork ideas for it that are based on Maura Jaspers original cover for "you're living all over me" - I only need two more songs, and I have 2 bands that haven't officially committed to it yet, so I hope they end up saying yes and agreeing to those songs. I'm pretty excited about this. Actually, in label news, I haven't heard from Jarod in a while, so I don't know what the deal is. We wanted to have Morrow's record out by now. I was discussing with jmc that I think it was silly of me to relaunch the site when I did, and it was an impulsive decision. Maybe I'll spend some time on that in between now and the end of January.

I'm going to go read books I don't really understand.

everyone loves a good redscare

for some reason, I got distracted last night and eventually found myself reading comments posted in response to news items on cnn.com. I would say in the 80% range of all posts, there are huge grammatical mistakes (I know, who am I to speak of such things, I am well aware of my own), completely uneducated rants, people still holding on to dead ideas that are obviously not working, desperate attempts to get in touch with people for jobs, or just to be heard. All of this is heartbreaking and leaves me feeling hopeless and depressed. It makes me want to set fire to almost all of these individuals, one in particular blamed the failing of "the big three" automakers on a lack of patriotism: "buy American" - I wonder if he realized that they import more parts from foreign countries than toyota or honda do, so in fact it doesn't matter who you are buying from. Never mind the fact that we are a global community etc, and that this situation is affecting the entire world, not just Americans. Ignore that the American Way is the cause of this mess. It is the American influence on these other countries that is also the impetus of a world collapse.

I am slightly intrigued, perhaps even obsessed by the year 1968. At a future time I will explore this further. The civil right's movement, Black Panthers, the RAF, the SDS, student and workers revolts all over the entire world, Kommune 1, the environmental movement, the Weather Underground (though they began in 1969, however they embody the spirit of '68), and so on. What happened? Where has that level of involvement gone? Is it a matter of intelligence, time, care, selfishness, or what? I keep coming back to my naive 14 year old self, the brink of discovery of the more political punk, the believing in the revolution.

again, I will return someday to expand or come as close to completion as I can.

Degas to Mallarmè

Edgar Degas: "What a task!... I've spent the whole day long on one of these blessed sonnets and I've made no progress whatsoever... And yet I'm hardly lacking in ideas... I'm quite full of them... I've got too many in fact."

Stéphane Mallarmé: "But my dear Degas, one does not make poetry out of ideas, but out of words."

New Year's Resolution

Stop living life and doing things as if it were a demo.
Some mistakes can never be recovered, more often than not, there are no do overs. So, make it count.
"Each step forward is the last, and with it a world dies - one's self included..."

Despite redemption being a major precept of Judaism, and most Abrahamic based religions, even further, common sense and forgiveness, we are stubborn, not easily able to forget.

I find that I have approached nearly every thing I have ever done as something I will return to to make better or right, or to expand the endeavor at another point in time. To count on an uncertainty.
I am all intention left unsatisfied.

News

the first thing I heard from the TV while back home is military enrollment is on the rise.

And I'm back

Still sick, or it came back from not sleeping and didn't improve, also from not sleeping.

The train ride was amazing. I met Dan at NY's Penn Station, he puts me on a train heading to Trenton, "hey, he's going to Trenton" "ok here's a ticket" "see ya!" [That's how far the free train ride goes, from there it's $9 to 30th/Market Street Station.]

Less than 2 hours later, I'm in Philadelphia in the company of a dear friend, who does amazing work for addressing public education on Africa, the quality of life for African immigrants, as well as all of Africa, among other things. She makes me so proud, because while the rest of us complain and theorize, (or write songs), about the injustices in the world, she is actually doing something that can be measured. Interesting to note, that Africa is a continent, with many countries and diverse cultures yet "African Studies" is an umbrella that covers all of our view of Africa, while every other culture is divided into smaller and more specific regions, she is working to directly change that.

10 hours later, we're back in Ft Wayne. The drive, we talked the entire time, we had a lot to catch up on since we saw each other in August. It was great until the last hour. She started getting delirious, biting the steering wheel, and so on. We arrive at her parents house, and crashed for a few minutes.

We arrive at the funeral. Chris gave Stasia a hug, solemn, beautiful, sweet. He didn't know I was coming, and I wasn't sure what the appropriate thing to do is, do you surprise your friend at his mom's funeral? He hugs me and loses it, which makes me lose it. We're crying, and he manages to get out, "I love you man.... see I'm not a robot" and I cried harder and laughed. The sweetest thing ever. Christopher hardly ever gets upset, so much so that a long running joke is he's a robot with no emotion, and that certain normal emotional responses are outside of his programming. Does not compute, and so on. The service was nice and I learned a lot about Chris's family, that I didn't know. John (Mc), Anastasia and I spend the rest of the day with Chris.

Friday we met John, Lindsay, and Finn! at Old Crown - so many of my friends and roommates have worked there. I met Finn last May (also at old crown) not too long after he was born. It's amazing how fast kids grow and change. He's walking and talking, I'm blown away. Sara was there, Fran came in to meet up with us and Sarah Jane was there with her son Cash, also about the same age as Finn. Lyndsey Rae works there now too. We did a little shopping at the other stores in the strip. Sara, Stasia and I went to Sara's to see her new apartment. It's awesome. She has the best decorating skills out of all of my friends combined (John and Lindsay are excluded from the combination, cause they rule too) and am kinda jealous she didn't have these skills when we lived together. I take comfort in the fact she and I will always remain friends, I'll probably always tease her about a lot of things, but it's nice to know we're close after all that time we spent and all that was involved. From there the three of us went to meet up with John and Ian McCormick at Park Edelweisse, a German club out on the south side of town. It's awesome. Cheap German Beer and just a bunch of German heritage. Fort Wayne has a huge German population, until 1942 or so the papers and street signs were in both German and English. We hung out listened to some German songs. Ian is amazingly big. I haven't seen him in so long, hardly the boy that fronted Skullyard when he was 12.
Then we met up with everyone at Baan Thai. I miss Fort Wayne's restaurants so much. The quality is so much better than most places in New York. Especially in Baan Thai, Taj Mahal, and a few others. After dinner everyone but Chris and Jacqui headed to State Bar and Grill. Andy Manes is sitting at the bar, haven't seen him since 1996. I explained why I was in town, and he said, yeah I'm in town visiting too. which is a lie, he lives there. I don't understand the need to lie. It's cool. A lot of my friends have stayed. They're awesome too.
After that we went to John and Lindsay's house. Stayed up really late, catching up, shooting the shit, and so on.
Saturday was insanely busy. Went to Hyde Brothers bought some books. Had lunch with Sara and Leah. Dropped Sara off at one of her billion jobs - Went to Jeremy's and visited with him and Heaven. She's almost 9 years old now!? Went to see my sister at work. Right, this is why I left - all these fat assholes at the mall. Stacey is seemingly even taller and even skinnier than ever. She's super busy, we make plans that don't come to fruition.
After that I went to the Marriott to visit an old boss, he still wants me to move back just to work for him. no way. Sara's mom came in and we talked. I love that woman more and more as time passes, she's pretty awesome.
I made the trek out to my Aunt Jenny's where they were having a party. I come in and my Dad comes up from the lower level - he looks a lot better than the last time I had seen him - but I'm a few steps above him and he's confused that I'm taller than him. "no you dummy, I'm on a few steps above you" I walk down and I get a standing ovation from my family and am ambushed with questions - I don't think they realize I haven't spoken to my dad since January and this was a lot to take in. Before I know it, my Dad's phone is ringing, he told my brother I was going to be there, so he called from jail and I spent 29 minutes out in the cold trying not to be mean to him. I come back in, and the questions start back up. I sternly said, "give me a minute." Awkward silence. I felt guilty. The party noise rises back up. Dad makes inappropriate comments. Sara calls and says she's done with work two hours early. I make an exit. Stop at my Grandpa's which I think ended up being the highlight of my trip home.
My Grandpa is a quiet man. Grandma passed away right before I moved here. I'm soft spoken. My Grandpa is hard of hearing. Awesome combination. We talk for awhile. "I don't know, maybe I'm wrong Damian, but how much is $700 billion dollars per person? Now the government would tax that so much, they wouldn't really be losing all that much, in comparison to bailing out all these big corporations that continue to do more of the same. Well that would fix this whole mess. I mean, maybe I'm missing something, but..." YES! Where did the rest of the family go wrong?
Sara calls and it's time for me to go. I part regrettably, and promise to see him this summer at the lake.
Pick up Sara, get dropped off at Stasia's. We go through the basement and walk away with way awesome stuff. Books, maps, stuff I'll use when I start teaching. And there's WAY more where that came from, and I'm welcome to come back to get some more.
Sunday get up, Stasia's mom packed all kinds of food for both of us. and we're off.
Back in Philly, I meet up with Jessica for dinner. Dan is at Jessica's, I hang out for a few with everyone. Dan takes me to the train in Trenton. Back in New York, I panicked in the cab ride when I couldn't find my wallet. Luckily it was only $20 which I had in my pocket. I arrive home a little after 2am. I found my wallet in the coat pocket I checked 325 times on the way home in the cab. I unpack. Exhausted sick, I fall asleep - instead of preparing for finals. I dream of things, including writing a letter to Dina, which I find really weird, telling, frustrating, a little sad, and mostly embarrassing. A few months ago, a great change occurred in me where I came to some realizations, which at some point I'll be able to articulate, until then, the way I find my dream is the way I find the entire situation. I wake up hallucinating that there are people in my room and I panic until my eyes adjust to the darkness and realize it's just piles of books, cds, and so on. I fall back asleep, oversleep, miss my last actual class for Child Development and Observation. And here is where I am. I should be studying. Here I go.

I'm still awake

Wednesday 5:23 am
I'm just getting over being sick, so it figures that I can't sleep/rest. I didn't want to take any sleeping aids, cause that makes it really hard for me to get up in the morning and I have a class that starts at 10am. After that, I have a lot of errands to do before I leave. I am looking forward to the ride with Anastasia, we have LOTS to talk about.
It'll be weird, I haven't been in Fort Wayne since May 2007 and that was fairly brief, during the Drowning With Our Anchors tour. I was a different person then. I can't remember the exact amount of time, it seems so long ago - as I write this, specific moments flash and it seems like it happened earlier this evening. A dear friend had just had a baby. This above all hits me the hardest, in terms of time passing by - those first 2 years. I remember Joel, how I was with him nearly everyday for his first 2 years of life. Amazing all that I learned about children. All that I taught him how to do - from walking to reading - and in turn all the things I learned. And all the things I've learned since then makes me anxious for the next opportunity to be that involved with a child.

I hope Nick can fit me in to get some work done. I've had 2 tattoos I've wanted him specifically to do for a long time, one for at least 5 years, and another since right after I saw him back in May when we all got the bone anchor tattoo. I didn't get the other one cause I didn't have the exact artwork with me, and didn't want to settle for something close enough. Now I have it and something relatively new I made up.

oh PJ sings to me "This is kind of about you - This is kind of about me - We just kind of lost our way - But we were looking to be free" - big exhales and sighs and nods of agreement.

I draw parallels with everything...
This is nonsense - at least I can recognize it as such.
I wonder if you're/who is still reading this.

Yesterday, I saw this homeless man stopped on the stairs, desperately trying to make eye contact with anyone that passed him. He looked like a lost child. It was towards the end of rush hour, so it was rather busy. This seems like it should have been easy for him. I noticed everyone that approached him, look down, an attempt to avoid him at all cost. He just kept looking, wanting to be acknowledged by anyone at all. This was all innocently done, and not in an aggressive manner. This all happened in a split second, but easily ten people ignored him. I decided to not only look him in the eye, but also smile at him as I passed by on the stairs - his entire face lit up with a sweet lonely old man smile that could melt the coldest of hearts. Recognition. He continued on his way. I on mine.

This all somehow reminded me of a boy barely above [my] knee height that I noticed a few days ago [I remind you, I'm rather short, so this boy was tiny]. He came running out of the subway exit, to the street level, and he starts trying to kick the three pigeons that were around. Right on dude! I liked him and gave him a thumbs up. I don't think his mom was too pleased with me encouraging this behavior. I got the look, you know the one.

Now imagine if I spent this much effort on all the homework I have to do.

and speaking of home

I am going back to Indiana to be with our dear friend Chris (P). His mother unexpectedly passed away. She was amazingly supportive of everything Chris did, and since he and I did quite a few things together, she supported things we did. This is what I was getting at in the previous post. Chris is too good of a friend, and we've been through a lot, too much for me not to be there, no matter what it will cost my GPA this semester.

I got lucky with Dan working for the train line from Philly to NYC and back - free rides - both ways. Then Anastasia is driving from there. Most of my professors are actually having study days the last half of this week, except for German - which of course is the class I'm not doing so well in - so I'm not missing too much. Except I have a lot to do for my Child Observation class - yikes!

It's funny, cause this trip comes at an interesting time. I've been contemplating moving back the last couple of weeks. But things are about to get a lot better here. And I have a good variety of groups I interact with - especially in the more intellectual department - that sort of thing simply does not exist back home. And I NEED that, as much as I need people to bounce creative ideas off of - I've yet to find anything remotely close to the level Jarod and I worked at - I was reminded of this a few times this year - when I went to visit for my birthday and we finished up a lot of his artwork for his senior show. And then again, during our reunion shows. He keeps telling me he's moving here, and every time it's farther into the future. Another reality in another time another place. The reason I had been thinking about it is due to me wanting to be nearer friends and their changes - having kids being one of the biggest things and not getting to be a part of that. For a second I missed my family until I informed them that I am coming home, and remembered why I need my space from them, not just emotionally, but also politically, intellectually, and socially.

Things are about to get better because friends of mine are about to move in. I am so looking forward to living with good people again. it's been a long time. No more shitty roommates!!!! Ever again, I won't do it. Nicole rules and I know Natalie and Alex rule a lot. It's hard to believe they are both moving from warmer climates in the middle of the coldest point in the year.

Things are winding down with the semester and I feel the weight peeling off.
I only have 2 weeks break til I start back up again.

debating

this isn't the place, but know I'm thinking about it and I'm appreciative of the opportunity. - sorry to be vague, but sometimes things need to be processed.
and it's moments like these that I am more concerned about the size of the planet being on the too-big-side, and us not being in the same city anymore. We have an amazing group of friends. sometimes I forget. sometimes I catch myself calling Indiana home.

in other thoughts, this year is coming to a close, thankfully. I wonder how memory will treat this one considering all that it entailed.

here's an original conspiracy theory I just thought up:

maybe I am completely off my rocker, but seriously...

The current economic "crisis" is staged; It's goal is to get more people to sign up for armed services, because re-instating the draft simply will not work. This way people are more likely to join willingly, instead of by force.
Maybe a bit of a stretch, but reading this - http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/12/03/college.costs/index.html - it clicked.

While I know this isn't completely true, I am sure we will see an increase in enrollment. The estrangement. Had this been due to outside forces, or had a scapegoat, be sure that there would be an invasion to be had. We don't have a convenient outsider to blame. Where is the call to arms? The accountability?

We, the choir, the armchair revolutionaries, will say I told you so, but that's as far as it (ever) goes.