random thoughts

"To the person who thinks with his head life is a comedy. To those who think with their feelings, or work through their feelings, life is a tragedy."
- Henry Miller

it's Halloween. I don't remember what I did last year, or the year before... I haven't cared since I was a young kid.

The death of mystery. This year, I've been doing a lot of that, murdering mystery. Take for example time travel. It's just not worth it, you can't change anything, but these things change you.

My mind is seriously messy. Near exhaustion / burnt out.

I had so many things I meant to say or do... save it for later, if it comes back to me.

Fragments for Walter Benjamin

Walter Bendix Schönflies Benjamin (July 15, 1892 – September 27, 1940) was a German-Jewish writer that wrote many essays, critiques, memoirs, letters, and short stories. He also translated many works, and was a philosopher that was associated with the Frankfurt School (basically, a perfect human being).

I came across this movie, "One Way Street: Fragments for Walter Benjamin" trying to find out how to buy the documentary "Who Killed Walter Benjamin" - a ridiculously expensive movie - but don't worry, I bought it.

This movie runs 58 minutes and has kinda cheesy scenes, but what's to be expected from 1992?
I will definitely watch it a few times, to get more out of it, I was really excited that the initial viewing was more caught in the moment of being giddy, rather than paying attention. Yes, I am that much of a nerd, that I nerd out, over nerd stuff.

I tried to do some research on the film, and results returned are from all over the place. Movies with the same name, shorter versions, different directors, different languages, different companies and so on. Which is fitting for the subject of the film.

The title is perfect as Walter left behind what many essentially call a perfect masterpiece, had it been completed.

I'm a little more interested in the other documentary "Who Killed Walter Benjamin" but haven't received it yet. I'll probably have a showing at my house when it arrives for me, my new roommates, and a few others.

anyway, I compressed this down into mp4 to share with my Frankfurt School professor I had over the summer. And if you're interested at all in anything Jewish, German, historical, or intellectual, or things that really, truly interest and move me - you can watch it too. Be warned, it will take a good amount of time to download it.

One Way Street: Fragments For Walter Benjamin part 1
One Way Street: Fragments For Walter Benjamin part 2
One Way Street: Fragments For Walter Benjamin part 3
One Way Street: Fragments For Walter Benjamin part 4

- in the event anyone involved with this project has a problem with me sharing it, you need to re-read Walter Benjamin.

can I get a...?

regime change.
I'm pretty stoked on all 3 new roommates.
Just have to survive 2 more months.
A good test on my patience for sure.
Slightly related, I'm in the market for an air purifier.
My OCD is getting worse when it comes to cleanliness.
Lot's of info out there that doesn't really tell me much of anything.

I have a serious problem with buying books. This year I have bought well over 60 books, and spent more than $2000 - and I am not exaggerating. I continue to buy them, even though I don't have time to read them.

Projects continue to pile up!
I am releasing at least one record VERY soon. I will make announcements when it's ok to do so. There are some more releases that are down the road a bit. And a slight possibility of something that would be the most amazing thing ever, well for me.

in context:
what you were and what you are, are two very distinct and very different things.

unrelated:
stop existing as a distraction.

listening:
last.fm/user/DamianHade

reading:
Walter Benjamin and Max Horkheimer until I have read everything they have published. Anything not translated, I will do myself.

watching:
the same movies over and over again (when movies go completely digital, and the TV is hooked up through the internet you'll see - make this website now, get ahead of the game).

living:
all over me

out of context:
I misuse you

related:
no one specific

it's like learning a new language

oh man.
impulsivity at it's finest, I re-launched the website (as previously mentioned). It's fun looking back at all that stuff that was so long ago. I forget about some of the reviews some of the releases received. I also have to relearn all the web programming languages, and apparently there are some new ones out there. I do have a lot of things I need to get up there.

and speaking of languages, I'm struggling with German. Well not really, actually.
It's not that hard, it's just I need to dedicate more time.
I don't really like my professor's overall approach, I like aspects, but, eh... I also really dislike the book Hunter uses, a few members of the German Department wrote it themselves, and frankly, it's not very good. I've been picking up other books here and there, and they are far more helpful. Though typically they are a slightly different dialect, so it doesn't really help me in my class. Maybe I should actually focus on school instead of my other studies, artwork, and other writings.

I have officially stepped down as Marketing Director from my job, and am now just general awesome assistant / marketing coordinator. I really hope this allows me to chill out and have more time for breathing, visiting, reading, writing.

I'm also interviewing people to move in. One room available to replace the bartender that was never here. In January the couple is out, and a friend from Miami moves in.
So that leaves one more room to fill in January. Kinda excited about this.

I keep trying to find my footing in relation to establishing foundations of many things. I am impatient, and want to get there. This is applicable to so many endeavors in my life. I want to get into the heart of the subjects, getting into more theoretical aspects. While this is super frustrating I recognize the importance of foundations. At the same time, often times, these foundations are common sense, therefor making me even more impatient, wanting to skip over a lot of important material.

Google Analytics has been providing some interesting returns on visitors from all over the world. it's kinda crazy how specific it gets. I can tell which of my friends are or are not reading this, and how regularly they check in. it goes back to a previous entry where I touched on the thought I had on the internet as the panopticon.

Help is always on the way.

excursionsintotheabyss.com relaunched!

so I relaunched the site today.
I'm still going to be using this as a blog.
The label things will be back up in their proper order,
everything will be working by the end of the year.

I did upload a folder of 15 songs by post DLA bands I was in; Arrows, Optics, Our Past Projects, and a few solo songs by me. and some other media.

www.excursionsintotheabyss.com.

Maps

one of the many projects I've been working on is a map of all the places I've ever played.
It's related to the list of shows post.

Google map, of all the places I've played.

It's nowhere near even complete, and barely even started actually, so it shouldn't read "all the places I've played" - but maybe I'll finish it, someday.
It does have all the Cataract Falls and Red Heroine shows done. A few each for Drowning With Our Anchors, and Dead Letter Auction.
Where possible, I noted exact address / venue.
Sometimes we played in the same venue multiple times.

With friends like these, who wouldn't need friends?

Somewhat inspired by Craig's post on his blog and listening to Gogogo Airheart's Love My Life, Hate My Friends as well as some of Jeremy's new photos ...

I'm pretty proud of 99% of my friends' accomplishments.
I've surrounded myself with creative and intelligent people, intentionally.
I think, despite our distances, we feed quite well off each other, even to this day.

Most of all, I'm proudest of the ones I have been closest with. Coincidentally or not, at one time or another we were all in some form of band or music project, or at least one step away from doing so, ie I never actually played music with Damien, but he was in Mortadusk with Craig, and Craig was in Arrows/the last incarnation of Dead Letter Auction, we also had a few other bands that didn't take flight. Also all the boys in Philly (Towers, Peter & Craig, Algernon Cadwallader, etc), we haven't worked together directly yet, but Greg Fowler was in a band that had members of Burial Year, and Josh was in Burial Year, as well as in Dead Letter Auction, a few times, and I was in Drowning With Our Anchors.

Jarod has been in a band called Morrow for quite some time.
I have a press release I'm finishing up with the band that I'll post here, once completed. I've had the full length for a few months now, and can't wait for it's release. It's nothing short of genius, beautiful, heartfelt, honest, and amazing. It makes me pretty excited about music in general again, and that's getting harder and harder to do these days. I will probably be pushing it pretty heavily. I've made mention of it a few times. Jarod recently hinted at us working together really soon again. We have started doing some artwork collaborations through the mail.

Josh has a new band, he sent me a song from a practice, and it's amazing. I believe it's called Pills. It's with Steve Middlekauff, whom incidentally was at a Red Heroine show in Ann Arbor (04.06.01; Ann Arbor, MI; the Pirate House). And at that show a friend of Steve's gave us a free drum set, which of course, caused many fights amongst that band (as if we needed any more reasons to fight). Josh asked me to move to San Francisco to play bass for it, and while tempting, I can't leave New York, yet - I'll get to why eventually on here, and it's not solely school related. Drowning with our Anchors is still rocking it, they are touring Europe next year.

I'm anxious and hopeful that Craig (Phillips) will start a new band with Damien during their time in Portland.

I've become rather close with Portraits of Past, which is strange is some ways. There is talk of them touring Japan and Europe in the summer. They are playing Dude Fest '09, and that means I'm actually going back to Indiana for that.

There are a few others that I'm super proud of, and we'll get to them, someday.

I'm in the process of writing some actual stories that look back at the history of some of these projects, (as well as updating/finishing the few already shared) and look forward to sharing them soon.

The medium is the message

The new computer arrived this morning.
I was so excited about it, that it caused me to be 2 hours late for work. Way to go technology. I was under the impression you were supposed to make things run smoother, more efficiently, in turn making me on time.
I am currently organizing my pictures and movie files, music is already done, for now. I have to redo quite a lot of the things I thought were finished for the video project I have been working on and off and on again for the past 5 years. It's partly why I bought this thing. Good memories in the videos and photos. I found a few gems that I had long forgotten about (multiple years forgotten).

I can't help but think of the few Marx essays I've read in connection with the collapse of many economic systems around the world. I only hope for accountability for accountants, CEOs, etc, essentially. Whatever, I'm keeping the system afloat, with all these new technological purchases, yet I actually want to see it fail.

I've been doing research for an essay on love. Recently, I have found some interesting things connecting depression, OCD, and addiction, to love. Which makes absolutely perfect sense to me. Anyone who knows anything about me knows I fall in love fairly easily - though it's been a while, well just a little more than a year and a half, that's not so long, and almosts never count, and neither do objects, nor do previous positions held. Anyway, point being, it's interesting to say the least, but not something that one doesn't inherently know or understand.

Speaking of critical analysis, I also want to work on this long standing thesis I've had on the failings of punk rock. I was listening to some older stuff, a band called Life's Blood (pre-Born Against), in particular, and just was really turned off by the production first and foremost (could you imagine if Minor Threat had such shitty production, no one would have become straight edge). The message I think they were going for lead me to be reminded of other bands from that era, and their talk of revolution, etc. Revolution my ass. The message is the medium, the medium is the message. How something as intense, interesting, intelligent, and critical of a message punk has as a whole, gets construed for laziness and drunkenness, is beyond me. Right, you sure are showing the man, you showed 'em real good. By no means am I not saying have fun, etc. but these things don't equate.

Another scholarship was sent to me today. It's kinda amazing.

Longing for returns.

the good, the bad

well the 8 track arrived this morning.
but get this, it only has one tape speed at 9.5, instead of having both tape speeds, the other being 4.8. I only recorded 2 things at 9.5 in my life. so it's almost worthless. However, a friend said I could borrow his to go through the tapes. He's a jackass, cause he knows I've been wanting to do this for a long time, he could have saved me a bit of change. so we'll see if that works out, if not I'm kinda determined, so I'll probably just buy another one.
I will start demoing new stuff this weekend.

Oh, I got another raise today!

anywho...
Craig, let me know if you're safely settled in Portland.
I have some wicked travel plans for winter break and then a huge announcement for summer.

There are other things, I'll share them later...