Cataract Falls tour Diary

this first appeared in issue #2 - August 1998

Wednesday, July 22, 1998

We got to Ocracoke, an island off the coast of North Carolina, Monday night. We pulled the van onto a ferry, it was one of the last ones of the evening, if not THE last one. It was completely dark, no lights, the stars - OH MY GOD - I have never seen so many stars in my life. I lost count of how many shooting stars I saw in a matter of minutes.
We ran down to the beach, but were afraid to get too close. We couldn't see anything, it was so dark we couldn't tell where the ocean hit the beach. The "lobstrosities" were freaking us out too. If Jarod hadn't brought the flashlight with him I don't know what we would have done. We slept in the van, in a parking lot right next to the beach. The sound of the ocean was comforting.
The next morning we ate the most disgusting thing any of us had ever tasted in our entire lives. It was some sort of snack, that was made up of what resembled uncooked pasta with some sort of seasoning that had either gone bad, or was just awful from the start. The snacks had been scored by Chris with his meal plan from college. We called and complained and they laughed saying the particular snack had been cancelled!
As brilliant as we are, we tried to run the entire length of the island, 14 miles. bad idea. we made almost 4 of it, gave up and went swimming. we walked back. I only wore umbros, nothing else.
while I was running I kept thinking how easy it was for me to just keep going. Even after all this time; I hadn't run for a couple of years, but it just felt good. I ran at what I thought was a real easy pace, but Chris and Jarod too quickly turned to tiny dots behind me. I didn't want to stop, it's just too easy to keep going. If I did stop, would I be able to start back up again? I kept thinking that the easy way out would be to just stop and rest. Eventually, I got off my infamous superiority complex and slowed down to allow them to catch up.
They had already stopped a couple of times and were walking at that moment. Once they caught up, Jarod told me he had cramps. I told him he was stronger than the cramps and he took off. I passed him a moment later. When I eventually looked back they were walking side by side again.
I realized how much this is like my life; I keep going, sometimes people come along, hang out, but eventually they fall behind and then I no longer recognize them. I'm out running too many people. A lot of my close friends are taking other roads too. I contemplate giving up on all of this stuff I define myself with in order to not be the only one still running.
but I realize I've been running far too long to give up now. so fuck all of them.
we went swimming for a while and decided to walk back.
no sunscreen or shade and 6 hours later, I have sun poisoning. I fee like complete shit, nauseous, with a head that won't stop pounding, it's worse when I sit up.
This year tour has been really good. so far.
I'm thousands of miles away from a place I don't recognize as home but return to for some reason or another. maybe just to have someplace to go, I don't know. For some reason I don't know how much longer I can do this, I miss a lot of things, I guess that should make me appreciate them more - but shit, I don't know...
It's really windy out here. Completely amazing. I love being able to be so fortunate. I must remember that. I don't know what I was talking about, not being able to do this anymore.
I can't not do this.
God I feel sick, I can't even sit up. - enemy of the sun - HA!
so much is on my mind.

Thursday, July 23, 1998
I'm sitting inside of a McDonald's which is inside of a Wal-Mart; conception-ally whitetrash if I ever did see it. We came in here for the air conditioning, but I am sunburnt so bad that I radiate heat. My feet are swollen twice their size and are worse than any other pain I have ever felt. Then, there are my shoulders: I feel like screaming they hurt so bad, but that would make them hurt worse. They feel like they are on fire, dry, bleeding, dying.
These men, security guards, management perhaps, are sitting across from us the room making sounds of some sexual connotation, sexual frustration. I don't know. They're eating the equivalency to shit. they're laughing. I don't get it, must be an inside joke that I'll never get, that I hope I NEVER get.