Henry Miller

I've spent too much time away from reading Henry due to school - which I know he'd be disappointed in me for sticking it out this long and not just living. I flip through a few pages from The Time of the Assassins and see all my highlights which in turn causes flooding of all these other brilliant things he said from everything of his I have read.

And in that moment I realize I have lost myself in this city many times over.

"... I saw finally that no matter how much I did it was just a drop in the bucket. I'm not saying that I grew indifferent, or hardened, no, but I realized that it would take a revolution to make any appreciable change in conditions. And when I say revolution, I mean a real revolution, something far more real and sweeping than the Russian Revolution for instance. I still think that, but I don't think it can be done politically or economically. Governments can't bring it about. Only individuals, each one working quietly in his own way. It must be a revolution of the heart. Our attitude towards life has to be fundamentally altered. We've got to advance to another level, a level from which we can take in the whole of the earth with one glance. We have to have vision of the globe, including all the people who inhabit it - down to the lowest and most primitive man."
Henry Miller - "The Alcoholic Veteran with the Washboard Cranium", From Nights of Love and Laughter. p 39 1955

Max Horkheimer from Dawn and Decline - as cited in Michael Löwy's Fire Alarm:

When you are at the lowest ebb, exposed to an eternity of torment inflicted upon you by other human beings, you cherish, as a dream of deliverance, the idea that a being will come who will stand in the light and bring truth and justice for you. You do not even need this to happen in this lifetime, nor in the lifetime of those who are torturing you to death, but one day, whenever it comes, all will nonetheless be repaired... It is bitter to be misunderstood and to die in obscurity. It is to the honor of historical research that it projects light into that obscurity.

* this is not in the English Translation of Dawn and Decline.
* I think of this passage often, and was surprised I hadn't posted this already.

it has been awhile

oh life. Since we last met under these circumstances, I lost a loved one to breast cancer (slightly dramatic phrasing; she's alive and well actually, just on the other side of the planet, 10,000 miles almost exactly from door to door), been super busy with school, and just trying to figure out what's next?
I have a lot of fragments of things that I need to finish writing, a bunch of quotes that I won't explain (cause I think they speak for themselves, even out of context), and even some label news: Morrow's S/T record will be here on vinyl in a few short weeks. Morrow is getting some attention in the blogs and such.

I raised this point with a journalist:
As a somewhat cynical but curious person, I was thinking about music journalism, which lead me to wonder... does the greater world of journalism at all operate the way music (and pretty much all media) journalism does; ie either through payola, who you know, or due to pressures put forth by higher ups to compete with what others are reporting? Is there any genuine sincerity left in journalism? 'cause there certainly isn't in media reporting...

This thought, and its consequences, spills over into so many areas of the everyday, that I just don't know where to start. I invoke Adorno, Tolstoy, Horkheimer, Nietzsche, Goethe, (Henry) Miller, Marcuse, Marx, and I end up feeling like Schopenhauer.

if one dismisses what they did yesterday, what's the point of today?

Marx:
"The existence of what I truly love is felt by me as a necessity, as a
need, without which my essence cannot be fulfilled, satisfied, complete."

Karl Marx and Australia

Karl Marx seems to mention Australia in his works quite a bit (ie The German Ideology, Capital, he also wrote articles ie in the Neue-Oder Zeitung, March 7, 1855, and elsewhere).
I'm going to make this claim and not fully back it up, because: one, I'm lazy, and two, it's something I want to explore further at a later time / really it's rather insignificant, and is mostly due to commentaries on colonization, the newness at the time, labor movements, and so on. This is a note to self, that will never be fulfilled.

I may just notice it more than the others because of my sentimental attachments to Australia. It's sorta like the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, a form of synchronicity.

Love and Stupidity

Love and Stupidity: The pleasure the animal trainer takes in the affection of a lion may sometimes be attenuated by the realization that the stupidity of the beast has a good deal to do with it. Because a heightened consciousness of its power would destroy the tie, the animal's present tenderness isn't worth much. The more reason the trainer has to think highly of his art, the less he need feel flattered by the affection of the lion. We don't like it when we are loved from a lack of intelligence. The pride many fine ladies and gentlemen take in the loyalty of their servants, or the Junker in their workers, caricatures the confidence we feel because we know we are genuinely loved.
Max Horkheimer. Dawn and Decline. p 72.

lose a friend.
make new ones.
find old ones, even better yet, be found by old ones.

I need more sun and warmth, not speaking solely of weather. yes, spring's promise is welcomed.


Sometimes things don't add up and we need reference points, things to consider, substantiate claims. ie let's say someone was influenced by something, someone, or what have you, I personally would like proof. or let's say you heard a rumor, and you wanted to know if it's true - or if it has some semblance of truth - going to the source(s) would be better than just believing the claim. People say stupid things to suit their needs, whether that's out of hurt, pride, jealousy, confusion, malice, hearsay, or simply not knowing the facts, and it is of great consequence. I tend to believe most things I'm told, especially when it comes from someone I admire, respect, or have some sense of attachment to. However, the confrontation can be, and in all probability will be, damaging, resulting in loss. Maybe there are some things we are not meant to know. But when one's driving force is after truth, how to walk away in confusion and doubt, well it's not easy. I've never been one to be dismissive.

I always wondered if Nietzsche ever commented on Marx, according to a footnote in Kaufman's biography of Nietzsche, no (see page 292 n7 which is continued from pg 291). I may have mentioned this already. That could have been real interesting.

and maybe that's where I get hung up, in the possibilities. the promise. again, there is no beginning, there is no end. nothing is finite.

If you suppose man to be man and his relationship to the world to be a human one, then you can only exchange love for love, trust for trust, etc. If you wish to appreciate art, then you must be a man with some artistic education; if you wish to exercise an influence on other men, you must be a man who has a really stimulating and encouraging effect on other men. Each of your relationships to man - and to nature - must be a definite expression of your real individual life that corresponds to the object of your will. If you love without arousing reciprocal love, that is, if your love does not as such produce love in return, if through the manifestation of yourself as a loving person you do not succeed in making yourself a beloved person, then your love is impotent and a misfortune...
pp 119-120 Karl Marx Selected Writings ed David McLellan

Assume man to be man and his relationship to the world to be a human one: then you can exchange love only for love, trust for trust, etc. If you enjoy art, you must be an artistically-cultivated person; if you want to exercise influence over other people, you must be a person with a stimulating and encouraging effect on other people. Every one of your relations to man and to nature must be a specific expression, corresponding to the object of your will, of your real individual life. If you love without evoking love in return - that is, if your loving as loving does not produce reciprocal love; if through a living expression of yourself as a loving person you do not make yourself a loving person, then your love is impotent - a misfortune.
p 140 - Economic and Philosophic Manuscripts of 1844 Karl Marx translated by Martin Milligan.

1789
1848
1914
1968

end of the year post including top ten records.

I am convinced that within my lifetime they will find some form of life on another planet / in another galaxy.

Wrapping up the end of the year is interesting, and this one was.
Stuff happened - some were there to witness it, some weren't.

Reviews for Portraits of Past should be published next month (the very few of them).
I am not selling any more color vinyl through the store - putting those few remaining copies aside for the time being - particularly for when people attempt to sell them on ebay.
However, I do have a few test press versions for sale for ultimate nerds (like myself), with different artwork by me and printed by Jarod at In Case of Emergency Press - which is a silkscreened CMYK print based off a photograph I took when Liann was visiting last August (there is meaning in everything). E-mail me if you're interested.


Top Ten records of 2009 (that I feel you should check out):
1. Towers - Full Circle - I "reviewed" this sometime this year on here. I really hope they keep active cause they are one of the best heavy bands. Good dudes, backed hard, etc. Atmospheric, technical, beautiful, ugly, hopeful and other one word adjectives. I'm jealous of this band having toured South America all while remaining true to DIY ethics. Amazing.

2. Morrow - My best friend, ex business partner, ex band mate outshines all of our musical endeavors with this record. I say that with full awareness that our extended musical family tree is now connected to just about every band that ever existed, or is separated by less than one degree (due mostly to Josh Kuntz) - so that's saying something. While some politicians want to be vultures and manipulate people into thinking they are comfortable with talk of hope and change, this record is the sound of that hope we all have, the change that would naturally follow it's fulfillment - it is the sound of love. The sound of music.

3. Algernon Cadwallader - Fun 7"+CD - Perhaps the "funnest" (yeah I know, most fun) band ever, from the best dudes ever. I never liked the "midwest emo" these guys constantly get compared to, and are obviously hugely influence by (ride in the van with them for an extended period and they will all sing along and have a good time to those bands), but really, there's something Algernon has that those predecessors were lacking. Maybe it's just my love for my friends, but that's what it's all about.

4. Portraits of Past - Cypress Dust Witch - An all time favorite band (in the top 5) that "changed my life", reunites, writes new material and asks me to release it. The result is a 4 song ep "picking up where they left off" and leaving most of us hoping for more - and rumor has it, there might be...

5. Dinosaur Jr - Farm - Another all time favorite band (also in the top 5) that "changed my life", reunites, records, and tours - Dinosaur Jr is the reason I play guitar, the reason I play(ed) music, and a bonding experience with so many of my friends. Again destroying any fears of some phoned in reunion record, these dudes still have it. And I mean who wasn't a little touched during that moment in the video for Over It when J puts his hand on Lou's shoulder? -

6. Narrows - New Distances - The singer of Botch has a new band (with other people that are in other bands) and it is awesome. I really don't have much more to say than that. It kinda sounds like Botch, which is a good thing.

7. Converge - Axe To Fall - Surprisingly good from a band that reached their peak in 2001 with Jane Doe - Since then they've had moments that definitely justify their continuance. I was really weary of the collaboration with Ghengis Tron - who I think is a terrible band with even worse fans - sorta like the Grateful Dead - but I love their collaboration track! But then again I'm a sucker for Converge's more epic tracks: Minnesota, Jane Doe, You Fail Me, Grim Heart/Black Rose, and now Wretched World - which leads to a wonder of calculation.

8. Jay-Z - Blueprint 3 - I actually think this isn't all that good of an album, it's just better than a lot of other records released this year (that I've heard). It absolutely has some pretty amazing moments, particularly "Empire State of Mind" - easily proving that Jigga can still bring the singles that far outweigh the lack felt from his albums as a whole. Since Blueprint 2 was named as such, it's hard to say Blueprint 3 as an album doesn't belong in the Blueprint trilogy - it definitely doesn't hold a candle to the original Blueprint - so like Converge - Jay reached his peak in 2001 (ironically both Blueprint and Jane Doe were released on September 11, 2001) but has had many more justifiable moments for his continuance than Converge (but recognize that it's a different medium altogether). And hey where else would you read Jay-Z and Converge mentioned in the same breadth, other than from me?

9. Cold Cave - Love Comes Close - I saw Cold Cave open for Dinosaur Jr and Sonic Youth (with Peter from Algernon Cadwallader) and honestly I didn't want to like them but I did. I was shaking my leg and nodding in time and was captured by certain melodies (particularly Theme From Tomorrowland). Then I found out that Wes Eisold is in the band and that made me look it up. Music for bullshit hipsters, but whatever. Somewhere in that whole Joy Division/New Order vein that will always be returned to by said bullshit hipsters. While JD and most of NO are timeless, the bands emulating them sound dated within weeks and no one remembers them - however, Cold Cave might actually have something here, even if it is just a fleeting moment.

10. - I really wanted to find a 10th record that was released this year that wasn't a reissue, and I'm already pushing it with #'s 8&9 therefore no such luck, so: Nirvana - Bleach - I got into Nirvana from a radio station out of Detroit that was powerful enough to have the ability of being picked up all the way in Findlay, Ohio. I was listening the night the DJ played "Smells Like Teen Spirit" back to back to back despite complaints from listeners. (I'm pretty sure it was one of the very first places it was heard, outside of people on the inside - the days when radio mattered). The DJ responded that he'd play whatever he wanted because "Alternative" didn't really mean anything. Then proceeded to play either Johnny Cash, Elvis, or Willie Nelson - or something of the sort. Anyway, that was about the time I became "punk" and this band wasn't "punk" enough - oh remember all the arguments of being a "sell-out"? A more mature me couldn't deny their power, particularly "Milk it" and "Radio Friendly Unit Shifter" from In Utero. Like most people I discovered Bleach after the fact, something that doesn't seem to hold as much power these days. If it's not new, it's not relevant. Bleach is a good record. I totally appreciate the rawness of it - which is succinctly captured by "...recordings by Jack Endino for $600" written in the linear notes. I still think this is one of the best bands of all time (however Nirvana is not in my top 5 personal favorites, oddly enough) and admire their integrity given the time frame, not to say it is not without it's criticisms, but whatever. I absolutely love the fact that they consciously didn't buy gas from Exxon or Shell for political reasons (based in business ethics) - something I adhered to in all my time in touring bands. So much heartache, nostalgia, and happiness wrapped up in the memories of this band, thus rightfully earning it's place.

also worth mentioning: Hatred Surge, Vaccine, Damages, Black Kites.



It was pointed out to me that it is also the end of a decade, but I'm not making a list for that.

untitled

The end of the year is fast approaching, more importantly the end of the semester.
I am thinking that with the effects and affects of technology, the fast pace of the world, semesters are too long and should be shortened so that there are 3-4 a year. This speaks volumes to those with any form of ADD/ADHD/anxiety etc. Taking into account those effects of technology and that fast pace, that is all of us.


I wonder if one can draw parallels from the Wiemar Republic, and subsequently World War II with what is going on in Iraq and separately in Iran - of course we have to account for international intervention and outright causal. Taking into account the economic "crises" that parallel deepens. One begins to wonder, will future generations ever look back at any given specific time in history and not say it was a dark time? I'm sure there is a better example, but this comes to mind almost every time while reading the news - maybe it is a bit of a stretch, but sometimes we must look to the past to make sense of what takes place now, not to concern ourselves with what is coming.



end of the year lists to follow shortly, and perhaps before the end of the year.

context(ually) speaking [to you].

Suppose we had produced things as human beings: in his production each of us would have twice affirmed himself and the other. (1) In my production I would have objectified my individuality and its particularity, and in the course of the activity I would have enjoyed an individual life; in viewing the object I would have experienced the individual joy of knowing my personality as an objective, sensuously perceptible, and indubitable power. (2) In your satisfaction and your use of my product I would have had the direct and conscious satisfaction that my work satisfied a human need, that it objectified human nature, and that it created an object appropriate to the need of another human being. (3) I would have been the mediator between you and the species and you would have experienced me as a reintegration of you own nature and a necessary part of your self; I would have been affirmed in your thought as well as your love. (4) In my individual life I would have directly created your life; in my individual activity I would have immediately confirmed and realized my true human and social nature.
Our productions would be so many mirrors reflecting our nature.
What happens so far as I am concerned would also apply to you.

Karl Marx. Notes of 1844.

Things have been the busiest yet.
I am really pleased with how the new Portraits of Past 12"/CD turned out, and am getting some nice feedback from others as well.
All pre-orders have shipped and I am now working on distributors and stores - as well as reviews.

School is also super busy.
Yesterday went to the Bauhaus exhibit at MOMA and it was awesome.
Now I'm sick.

other than that, I haven't much else to say or report.

time immemorial (dialectically speaking)

"Wealth and speed are what the world admires and strives for. Railways, express mail, steamships, and all possible facilities for communication are what the cultivated world desires in order to over-cultivate itself and thereby to stick fast in mediocrity. The concept of the general public has also led to the spread of a medium-level culture: this is the goal of the Bible Societies, the Lancastrian method*, and God knows what else. The fact is that this is the century for able minds, for quick-thinking, practical men with a certain dexterity which enables them to feel superior to the crowd, even though their gifts do not put them in the first rank. Let us try to remain true to the principles with which we came; along with perhaps a few others, we shall be the last members of an era which may not return so quickly."

- a letter from Goethe to Carl Friedrich Zelter, 1825.

*The Lancastrian method was based on the idea that children who were more proficient could teach other children under the supervision of an adult.

Leaking an, as of yet, unpublished review.

The thing about leaking records that aren't out yet is, I get it, I really do. It's all so very exciting. Yet it's those people leaking the records that always have some disclaimer about supporting the bands and buying the release if you like it, as if this would absolve any responsibility.
As previously mentioned, to my shock, the new Portraits of Past record leaked from the Japanese CD version.
It's not about cutting into sales, whatsoever - but a record is supposed to be experienced with the packaging in hand, reading the lyrics, and appreciating the work involved. I just wanted and hoped that it wouldn't leak until after it was released, at that point, I wouldn't have cared at all.
With that said, I have posted some out of print records on this blog, that I actually own and more than appreciate. But these releases are out of print, sold out and no longer available. So they are there for archival purposes, and even more specifically for those that own the records but don't have the means to copy them to digital formats and want to listen to them on the go, mainly my friends (in particular people I was in bands with, and we geeked out on these records in the van or while hanging out). While I recognize the issue, and approach the situation completely aware of my/the contradictions and hypocrisies. Especially the often cited Marshall McLuhan phrase, "the Medium is the Message." (most of us know it from Born Against or Reversal of Man).
Walter Benjamin wrote an amazing essay, (in fact, his most cited work) the title of which is generally translated as "Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction." A free version is located here. Read that and update it to "art in the age of digital reproduction" and one could see just how far alienation has come into our everyday lives and removes us from experience. It's all quite disappointing to me, and hopefully yourself as well.

So. Funny thing is, I've already received a really nice glowing review of Portraits of Past's new release "Cypress Dust Witch" (despite the reviewers incessant and despicable use of the word Screamo) when there aren't even physical copies available in the United States. The review was emailed to me, therefore I wanted to share with those interested:

Often looked upon as one of the grandaddies of true Screamo, Portraits Of Past are remembered with the greatest respect. So last year, when they started gigging again after a 13 year hiatus, people began to get excited. An Ebullition records band of old touring again with new tunes in their repertoire? Surely that's enough to get anyone giddy.

"Cypress Dust Witch", the new 4 track EP released by Excursions Into The Abyss, is simply beautiful. Their sound has matured in the decade and a bit they've been busy doing other things. It's a more grown up and well rounded collection of pieces, all still retaining their trademark sound of passion and chaos. Amidst the fury of jangly riffs, erratic drumming and pained screams you'll also find wonderful sections of glassy almost-Post-Rock interludes which act as a perfect counterpoint to the insanity of the Punk. Like tender, frail thoughts between anguished realisations. This is what Screamo is meant to be!

Fire Song explodes into a cacophonous racket of blistering percussion and frantic guitars. Robert Pettersen snarls and spits violently when suddenly everything slows down. It gets peaceful. And then the beauty comes like a wave of soothing rest. The calm before the storm that lulls you into a sense of security. Then out of nowhere the track erupts again with passionate anger. That's the general theme throughout "Cypress Dust Witch" and it works to great effect. The highlight comes with the third song Through To An End which begins with all the idyllic twinkles and drones of a pretty lullaby. Even with the screams and shrieks, you still get lost in the attractive vibe of the song. It's a wonder that anyone could take an ugly format and transform it into something delicate and pretty. I absolutely love it!

The most remarkable aspect of the music is the effortlessness of each metamorphosis between angry and insane to calm and harmonious. The lack of stark change between ideas works well both on the individual tracks as it does with the EP as a whole. "Cypress Dust Witch" is about the most pleasurable aural kick in the face you'll receive in 2009!

in my spare time I run a record label...

a little bummed that within minutes of me getting the ok from the printer that the covers of the Portraits of Past 12" are all set and ready to print, that I found out someone in Japan leaked it from the Japanese CD version. I had kept a really tight lid on this and didn't let anyone copy it or have mp3s of it. oh well, now that it's out there I'm anxious to hear other people's response.

the 12" will be here within the next few weeks.
pre-ordering launched - which means I set up a webstore - http://excursionsintotheabyss.com/store/

still waiting for Furnace to get it together and let me know what's up with the US CD version.

anyhow...
school's great.
I'm great.
You're probably alright.

Something about rambling or Babel-ing.

Please tell me they have ditched the idea of calling it the Freedom Tower.

Nearly everyone is familiar with the story of Babel (which is located in modern day Iraq)
The tower never finished, but the people became too involved and attached so the children and grandchildren of the workers stayed, thus the first city was born. Were there those seeking a redemption in the completion of the building? Was it a singular idea of one of the following: a protest to infantile ideas of a higher being and the heavens, an attempt to elevate human kind and reach a semblance of unity, to touch the sky, and other such ideas, or some combination. Were there pure intentions?
Then the "scattering of the tongues" - the birth of 72 languages out of Adamic. Fittingly, in Hebrew, Babel means confusion.
To reach such heights, why wasn't the tower built on a mountain?

To prevent my own rambling see Kafka, Benjamin, Mosés, Isenbarger, Led Zeppelin, the book of Genesis.

And now "they" are attempting to build an elevator to space.

"Life is really weird man."

Montauk + 2 thoughts (education and fashion).

On a whim, after a drunken dinner that turned into a very late night, I along with a friend of a friend decided to go to Montauk. Both of us had never been there. Each of us had our own reasons; I like edges, furthest points in a given direction, the ocean, traveling, I have been wanting to take this trip for a few years, and in doing so came away with a sense of relief, a redemption (and these days I'm all about the theoretical implications of redemption in every possible sense). Her reasoning was based on a book by Max Frisch (a Swiss-born German writer) about and titled, Montauk. The premise of the novel is quite romantic, and I love chasing romantic ideas, or having them be the basis for anything, so what better a travel companion? On top of all of this she is a German illustrator here on a Fulbright Scholarship.

The trip was nice. We just hung out and explored. Spoke English and a few German words and phrases. Discussed how it is nearly impossible to write a Master's thesis without referencing Walter Benjamin.

One of the reasons I really wanted go is to see the lighthouse. It's the fourth oldest working lighthouse in the United States, and it sits on the furthest point east of Long Island. So we board a bus from the Harbor to the Village. We notice there is a discount for students, so we present our id cards. German student identification cards do not have pictures on them. This was a huge problem that the bus driver couldn't deal with. She started yelling at both of us. My travel partner explains, "But I'm German..." to which the bus driver interrupts, "I don't care, I'm Russian [at the very least 2 generations of being in America, for sure], am I supposed to bow down to you because you are a German, or because you are a student. There are a lot of students. We're all just people." I couldn't believe this. So reluctantly, I paid the extra fifty cents, and we took our seats. My travel partner and I couldn't really grasp why the driver was so rude. The bus driver pulls over the bus and continues to hold up everyone else on the bus, continuing her yelling at both of us. We tried to explain the misunderstanding, but she just wasn't having it. She opened the doors and told us to get off the bus. And at our suggestion she calls the "cops" (her term). We wait, and everyone on the bus was embarrassed and impatient. Sensing this, she shuts the doors and drives on. No police involvement. We arrive at the transfer station and the bus driver refuses to open the back doors, so we had to walk to the front of the bus. Not surprisingly, she refuses to give me her name, I think she knew she was wrong and over-reacted. We had planned on being able to ask her which bus would take us to the lighthouse. Frustrated, we walk to the ocean front.
Unlike the harbor beaches, this one is amazing, more like my more favorite California beaches (Santa Cruz / Monterey Bay areas) than any of the East Coast beaches I've been to. The waves break right on the shore and crash over the break, creating pools and small streams in some areas. The cliffs look exactly like the Bad Lands in South Dakota.
We ended up just getting dinner, walking around the village, and going to the train station (there are only 2 returning trains from Montauk - 2:51p and 10:38p. We arrive at 9:45 and catch a drink at the restaurant right next to the station, then head home.

***

Rob just sent me an amazing article published in this month's issue of Harper's Magazine by Mark Slouka. Article is here if you have a subscription (or if you ask me, I can send you a pdf of it). The article focuses on the current "trend" in education being less and less about the humanities and arts and pushing more and more math and science. It's really a heartbreaking article that is so well written that Slouka deserves some national recognition.

***

also I have been really contemplating fashion again. I haven't really bought any clothes in a REALLY long time. Outside of friends giving me their band shirts, I think my newest clothes were bought for me in 2007. So I'm in the market for new jeans and other articles of clothing. The issue being (of course) not wanting to support in any shape or form people that don't align themselves with either revolutionary causes or sustainability / "green" ethics, along with fair working conditions and wages, and not playing into the roles of being a parrot of mainstream politics and so on. These companies have to exist.

so speaking of Walter Benjamin (as I often do)
the following from the Arcades Project:
"Here fashion has opened the business of dialectical exchange between woman and ware - between carnal pleasure and the corpse. The clerk, death, tall and loutish, measures the century by the yard, serves as mannequin to himself to save costs, and manages single handedly the liquidation that in French is called révolution. For fashion was never anything other than the parody of the motley cadaver, provocation of death through the woman, and bitter colloquy with decay whispered between shrill bursts of mechanical laughter. That is fashion. And that is why she changes so quickly; she titillates death and is already something different, something new, as he casts about to crush her. For a hundred years she holds her own against him. Now finally, she is on the point of quitting the field. But he erects on the banks of a new Lethe, which rolls its asphalt stream through arcades, the armature of the whores as a battle memorial. * Revolution * Love *"
"If a woman of taste, while undressing at night, should find herself constituted in reality as she has pretended to be during the day, I like to think she'd be discovered next morning drowned in her own tears." [Alphonse Karr, cited in F. Th. Vischer, Mode und Zynismus].
"Every fashion is to some extent a bitter satire on love"

and On the Concept of History:
XIV

Origin is the goal [Ziel: terminus].
– Karl Kraus, Worte in Versen I [Words in Verse]

History is the subject of a construction whose site is formed not in homogeneous and empty time, but in that which is fulfilled by the here-and-now [Jetztzeit]. For Robespierre, ancient Roman was a past charged with the here-and-now, a past which he blasted out of the continuum of history. The French Revolution viewed itself as Rome reincarnate. It cited ancient Rome exactly the way fashion cites a bygone mode of dress. Fashion has a nose for the topical, no matter where it stirs in the thickets of long ago; It is the tiger’s leap into the past. Such a leap however, takes place in an arena in which the ruling class gives command. The same leap into the open air of history is the dialectical leap Marx understood as revolution.

and Sonny Kay,
via Angel Hair: "Better a fashion show, than no show at all"
via the VSS: "your fashion was famous long before you named it. this sex life was predictable before it was prestigious. is your psoriasis more glamorous than contagious? your fashion was aimless long before you blamed it. before you maimed it, claimed it, tamed and shamed it. distress was timeless, prior to your passing interest in blood tests and cigarettes. atop mount fucking everest."

old man mumbles something to himself

Walter Benjamin: "Hope soared away over their heads like a star falling from the sky... The most paradoxical, the most fleeting hope is born at the end of the novel in the guise of a reconciliation, in the way in which, when the sun has disappeared, twilight sees the rise of the Even Star which lasts longer than the night... The Symbol of the shooting star passing over the heads of lovers expresses the mystery that inheres in this work better than anything... That mystery promises much more than a reconciliation, it promises redemption."

A gust

repaired the bike, going to take it out in a bit.
I have seven whole dollars invested in it, and not a penny more.

Jason is moving in literally down the street. I expect dinners, movie nights, good conversations, and another collaborative art piece - I'm counting the painting he did of my photo.

other than that, label things are shaping up, hit some snags with some cover art, but should have that figured out within the week.

I'm really debating running ads. It seems pointless with the internet and the fact that print is just bad. If you want to know something, it's really easy to find.

Speaking of printed matter, I picked up an issue of Give Me Back last night. The "reviews" are still terrible - and does anyone really buy something based on 3 sentences that generally consist of some variation of the following, "this band is good. they are from place X. they put on a great live show." if you're lucky they may mention what other projects the band members have been in or are also in. but rarely is there any commentary on the band, the content, and the more important aspects of the band/recording/performance. Context matters.
Speaking of reviews Tim over at Zen and the Art of Face Punching put up a review of Morrow's s/t. - http://zen-face-punch.blogspot.com/2009/08/gimme-sound-free-music-good-causes.html - with a link to gimmesound.

I added red heroine to the label's gimmesound page too. I hope to get some more DLA songs up there.

I'm going to try to ride around the neighborhood to see if I set up the bike properly.

Winning and how to write about the dead and the dying.

Absence haunts.

Been traveling a little, Philadelphia a few times, Indiana, and day trips throughout the greater NYC area. I work in Stamford, CT most days it's not raining, which means I don't work very much, as it's been raining so much lately. A few times in the last few weeks I found myself in 4 states within a few moments of each other and thought about all sorts of things.

My most recent trip took me from Newark, NJ to Cleveland, OH where I had a flight to Dayton, OH which would have been followed by a car trip to Indianapolis with my friend James. However, when I landed in Cleveland, the flight to Dayton was overbooked. Taking advantage of this opportunity I offered up my seat in exchange for a direct flight to Indianapolis and as an added bonus "they" gave me a $300 travel voucher - all on a $180 ticket.

Rob, Rex, Jeremy, and Jonah picked me up from the Indianapolis airport. To explain how awesome that is, is embarrassing to all people involved. There's a lot of back story and details that would be lost in my fumbling for words. Dear reader/friend, just accept that the culmination of all events of the day pretty much maths out to being one of the better days of recent memory. The surprised encounters with friends only sweetened the deal. Closing out Saturday's fest, Portraits of Past put in their best set that I've seen so far, my sixth.

As a result of the $300 travel voucher I decided I'm going to Berlin, Germany and Bern, Switzerland for spring break '10, I'm trying to get a few others to save up and go with me, or tell my friends to be on tour during that time. I look forward to seeing meines Deutches freunden in ihrem Vaterland as well as expats etc.

I got the master reference tracks of the new Portraits of Past 12" (hopefully out in September / October) and haven't really listened to much else in these last few days. I'll write up a press release and get that ball rolling soon.

I have a few more edits to the book and Jarod hopes to print that in the next few weeks.

Ok, I need to go to a photo shoot; results will be posted sooner or later.

a song for a day.

no doubt about it, I'm a fool.

I graduated junior college - did I mention that? I'm STILL trying to make sure my school didn't mess up some paper work / bureaucracy, but get no reply.

The rain has prevented me from working, but I have plenty of things to do - yet I find myself feeling like I wasted a day. For example, I recorded a song today, read, did some research, went to class, went to see a friend's band play, yet I still feel like I didn't do anything.

Here's the song if you want to hear it.
Sloppily, hastily recorded; 6 guitars, 1 Bass, written as I recorded each track - kinda like improv, but not. I have recorded songs like this since I was 14 years old - I haven't improved all that much, I'll prove it sometime before the year is up.
there are some others like it that I recorded last year and released on the digital release as [excs 09] - on the label's website --> www.excursionsintotheabyss.com

threading quarters for laundry to a few bands, most specifically Honeywell.

I always take extra quarters to do laundry. This is a decision arrived upon after much careful deliberation - each and every time. I only want to take exact change, why the added weight, the significant increase in the bulge in my pocket. But what happens if I drop a quarter and it goes to an unretrievable distance under the machine? Or, let's take yesterday as an example, I kept putting a quarter in the machine, and it just came back out, I did this mechanically a few times, finally when I took notice of it, it was Canadian.

This post is mostly about Honeywell though, whom I admittedly don't know all that much about. I don't remember how or when I discovered them, sometime in between 1995-1997. I do know that Honeywell disbanded in 1994 and went on to later form Volume 11 - which pick up nicely where Honeywell left off, and even covered a Honeywell song on their live LP - also members were in Los Cincos / Syncopation. I do know they were crazy young, from somewhere in California (for some reason I wanna say the greater Los Angeles area), and pretty awesome for the time period.
This is everything they ever recorded, as far as I know - the demo, the song from In Memory of Jason comp, the Industry LP, the s/t 7", the Electric Koolaid 7", the split with Reach Out, and the Phantom Racer Club Cassette No 1.

With bringing up Honeywell it is really hard, if not outright impossible for me not to mention the following: for those of you that know me personally, and/or were around Fort Wayne in 2002 - 2003 at anytime, know that I loved Mortadusk, and drew parallels to Honeywell and Elements of Need. I've written and shouted out from rooftops all kinds of praise about them being the embodiment of the second coming. I screen-printed over my own band's T-shirts, signifying our insignificance in comparison. I am completely bummed about the lack of proper documentation when I think back to that time period. I mean it might be one of the greatest sins never committed to tape. Also, since I brought it up, and you probably watch TV, you probably already know that a member of Elements of Need is Eric (who was also in Ink & Dagger) from some show called "Tim&Eric, Awesome Show." And hey, you can !!!! off anytime you'd like.

Honeywell.

Monday May 18

The last week of school and I'm having a hard time finding the motivation to study and write essays on things I already came to an understanding of more than 15 years ago.

I'm burnt out and this summer will be a much needed break from school. I haven't even really had time to read anything really awesome these last few weeks. I have been reading Letters To A Young Poet on the train rides to school, which is kinda good, Rilke got really good a few years after this. I also began working on the translation of Walter Benjamin's Sonette, which is on hold until at the very earliest the first week of June. It's going to be a welcomed challenge.
Today I bought the Cambridge Introduction to Derrida. I love this series.

Label stuff - Morrow should be available from all the digital download services (itunes, msn, etc) within the next week.
I noticed someone wrote a wiki article on last.fm for Dead Letter Auction, I am kinda amazed at how much that person knows, considering I have no idea who it is. I wrote the person via last.fm in gratitude, but he hasn't logged in since April 2008.
I set up a webstore, and need to get that implemented into the site somehow, sometime.

anywho.

insomnia returns

"It was worth the kick I got back on"

I have visitors 3 out of 4 weekends this month. Any one of you are more than welcome to go 4 for 4 by visiting the 15th-17th.

I also graduate (junior college) at the end of the month (finally), well the last final is on the 21st. I have met all the requirements, but I have a feeling the school is going to somehow mess it up, we'll see when we get there. It's hard for me to not say that I've wasted my time and money, but this was a necessary step if I want to have a career in one of the only fields I think I could look at myself and say I'm doing the best I can, absolutely mean it, and live with myself.

Today I turned in a VERY short paper exploring the connection between environmental concerns and Marxist leanings, of course citing Walter Benjamin, who was in turn referencing Charles Fourier. At the turn of the 19th century Fourier coined the term feminism, advocated rights for homosexuals, made a call to end poverty, and the need to establish a relationship between labor and nature - through a warning that the exploitation of nature would lead to, as Benjamin paraphrases in Thesis XI in On The Concept of History, “four moons would illuminate the sky at night, the polar ice caps would recede, seawater would no longer taste salty, and beasts of prey would do man’s bidding.” And only now are these concerns truly being faced. I have already started working on threading these thoughts with the care of the self.
To back up, a lot of environmental literature at one point or another references utopian ideals. So now we move forward.

Earlier this week I designed a post card for the label, they should arrive by the 19th at the latest. I'll share then, as well as make the official announcement of the next release - if you have poor math skills, it's the new portraits of past 12". Needless to say, I'm rather excited about this. They're playing in San Diego this weekend, I would have gone, but... visitors, shit to do, etc.

The label also got picked up by 3 new distributors this week. When they list the stuff on their sites, it will be added to the proper site. Let's hope they stick around and can pay up when that time comes. The amount of money I've lost to folded distros, stores, and "lost" paper work (on their end, not mine) could have at least paid the only label debt to Tim D (technically this is a DLA debt, cause we used that money for other things, like eating on tour). - I intend to pay this before the end of this year.

In other DLA news, I made cover art for our last 5 songs, finally.

Tomorrow, if all goes well, I'll be recording the vocals for my fairly straight forward version of Kracked by Dinosaur Jr. Mark and Lawrence helped me out. Mark played drums and Lawrence played bass. Adam engineered. I'm setting a goal of a September release for this. I'll probably "leak" my song to friends as soon as it's done. Here's a video of me recording the solo - while Mark and Adam party.

The book is hitting some delays on Jarod's end, but, it's coming.

Lastly, I wrote a few letters, turned them into one, destroyed the others, but now I think I might have a new issue of the zine.

I will out run them all.

on that note, I leave with a vague and slight(ly) passive aggressive missive, which is dedicated to a ghost that still haunts me - you're like a car wreck and I can't stop looking, even though I recognize the victims.

some notes

I was the marketing director at a music venue in NYC for a few months last summer - resume padding. I learned a lot, and now have experience to back up my absolute disgust for this "career", and, at the very minimum 75% of all those that work in the field. Though it's not their fault, it's alienated labor for them - ignorance is bliss, and so on.
One of the things I learned how to use is Google Analytics - though I'm not an expert. Through the learning process of all of this, it really makes me acutely aware of my thoughts of self policing - as well as policing others, the proverbial 15 minutes, panopticism, and so on. It's worse on social networking sites - worst of all, micro blogging via twitter. I have brought this issue up before in a previous post, I think - so it's something I am still trying to conclude, or reconcile. I had installed Analytics when I first started the site, somewhat inspired by an ex that installed it on hers and I thought it was kinda cool in a purely curious way - ok admittedly there was an ounce of vanity too. I rebelled at the thought of blogging only to cave. I don't remember if I read this or wrote it myself, but - I shout out my rebellion only to be frightened of my echo - if anyone, I think it was Camus who wrote this, or something similar, I'm too "lazy" to attempt to find it. I'm still trying to find something I read by him when I was about 20 years old, about singing - the problem is I can't remember if it really was him, and where I read it. I mean I think I know, but memory has a way of being faulty.

Anyway, I have reached over 700 unique readers in many countries; the power of the internet and the ability to reach an audience. A little less than 50 of them visit almost weekly. I recognize this is because of my sharing of quotes and out of print records, not because of my writing some rambling thoughts. The point being, being a fan of RSS feeds - I added this option - mostly for my own vanity, but also your convenience. I wish there was a way to add followers without it being displayed on the page.

One thing I recently was discussing with a friend is that I think my sense of humor seems to be lost all too often, ie most of the bands I was in were a lot of fun with lots of tomfoolery and jackassery, but that seems to be lost in songs about a "revolution" that will never come to fruition and being critical/dialectical/polemical of our past and present conditions. Even in the telling of these thoughts there was a decent amount of fun. ie the cliche reference of politicians by "the punks"/ left as snakes via "but split tongues shouldn't spit promises of tomorrow, forever empty" when we/they (in a us vs them sort of way) are doing the exact same thing. it's a recurring process - the finger pointing, while doing nothing, or even some action is a distraction from the real issues (the problem is, that what a real issue is, no one knows - what does it look like?), all without really facing the now through the past mistakes. Even in the first paragraph speaking of marketers partaking in alienated labor is slightly tongue in cheek. Also, it should be noted that I am not the subject of anything I have EVER written, including this.

Last night I went to see Mogwai. I went with a friend and we were talking (/nerding) out about what essentially boils down to being star/awe struck of our fellow community members due to their bands, and/or being awesome - and there are time frames, bands, individuals - experiences that we want to keep sacred - therefore not wanting to meet the individuals that comprise these bands because of the possibility of spoiling that sacredness. The thing is I can't think of anyone that I feel that way about, and I've met most of those people I at one time admired, and every single one of them has been more than accommodating or awesome on some level. Well there were a few, but whatever, I don't count them, as for the most part, these individuals were tourists, and they got lost in the journey, their ego, or elsewhere.

Lastly / in closing, I received the new Towers full length, "Full Circle" - Seriously amazing! I thank them for putting me in the thank you list - you're welcome for whatever it is that you are thanking me for. The individuals involved with the entire Be Happy/Philadelphia scene are sincere, inspiring, and extremely talented and prolific. Outside of saying the new record is awesome, I assure you it's in my top ten for the year - and if you're into chaotic heavy music with roots within the diy scene - complete with amazing drumming, intelligent lyrics, and crazy effected guitars, it will be in yours too. Also, the use of the toy piano is always a sure way into my ear's heart. "this is a dead horse beaten back to life"

Stay humble. Be well.

Universal Order of Armageddon

I am pretty sure that my introduction to Tonie Joy's guitar playing was the Universal Order of Armageddon split 7" with Born Against. I was still in high school and 17 years old. At that time Born Against were my favorite band. It just so happens that Tonie played bass on the Born Against songs on that split 7", which just so happen to arguably be the best Born Against songs.

The next record I picked up from UOA was their Gravity 12" - which is comprised of my favorite songs/versions. Incidentally, the version of No Longer Stranger, here called Longer Stranger, also features Sam Mcpheeters of Born Against on backing vocals.

Tonie is a very consistent musician and all of his bands rank very highly amongst my favorites. The Convocation of, now just The Convocation, just released a new 7" on Gravity.

Universal Order of Armageddon is as fresh, timeless, and relevant as they were in 1993, which is to say, they hold up amazingly.

As far as I know this 12" is long out of print. These songs were not included on the Switch is Down CD - which is unfortunate. So, here's my rip - my copy is quite old and there is some surface noise present - I used to listen this A LOT. In fact, I probably listened to it more than any other record until the Portraits of Past LP came out.

My friend, you are no longer stranger. Universal Order of Armageddon - Gravity 12"

Publishing in Exile

Tonight (Thursday, April 23) I went to the opening of Publishing In Exile, German-Language Literature in the U.S. in the 1940s. It is at the Leo Baeck Institute which is in the Center For Jewish History.
The exhibition had a panel discussion on publishers in exile and "the crucial assistance they gave fleeing authors." Participants were: John Spalek, SUNY/Albany; Wulf Koepke, Texas A&M; Hildegard Bachert, Galerie St. Etienne; Mark Anderson, Columbia U.; Beth Merfish, NYU; and Ernst Fischer, Universität Mainz. Frank Mecklenburg, LBI, moderated.

I'm no scholar and didn't take notes but I was glad to hear at least Adorno's name mentioned, though he was the only one of the Frankfurt School, however this is about publishers, not authors. Apparently this is one of the first ever panels and exhibitions focusing on the publishers during the exile. One of the panelists made a nice comment about the role of the publishers bringing works to the public, the public being related to publisher. At some point it was also noted that German Publishers were never in it to be making money, but their production was due to a passion. This is another amongst the myriad of things they struggled with when coming to the United States.

The exhibition is running until June 28th, and I will be returning to visit with the pieces on display, as well as to explore the other areas of the Center For Jewish History.

return to a year older

To be honest, it's kinda good to come back - though not to part with my friend(s) - seeing the skyline on returning flights is something that I kinda love.

The trip was very event filled.
Watching Jarod talk to J was as weird and awkward as I had ever hoped for. I kinda froze up and with J's responses to Jarod's "gear" questions felt it better to not say anything. But it was what I wanted and expected, so I was glad.

I'm really glad to have seen the people that came down for the show. Hanging out with John and Megan was awesome. John's part of a panel discussion on minimalism at the Fort Wayne Museum of Art - that happens at the end of the month - he plans on not saying much.

Hanging out with Ian was fun - he recognized me, which was kinda cool. I had a lot of fun watching his new band, Chain and the Gang.

Jarod and I made a lot of progress on the previously mentioned book, there were some evolutionary changes, and hope to see that in production very soon.

I located a book of Sonnets by Walter Benjamin and ordered it. I am going to work on translating it over the summer, and this will probably be the next book I work on for the label - I hope to see it done before the end of the year.

I did a little research on Paul Klee while in Bloomington and found the previously posted picture. It is titled "Kleine Seenot" which is translated as "Slight Danger at Sea" - it was drawn in 1928 (I think the drawing from this year are amongst my favorite) and is now in the Klee-Zentrum in Berne - I think I'm going to plan a major trip for a few of us sometime in the future. When I got back to the apartment Alex presented me with a Paul Klee book that I haven't ever seen - for my birthday! AND there was a Paul Klee documentary waiting for me from an online based video rental business.

Label stuff, I have some Morrow cds in my possession and will begin doing that work now. I think I should have some other info on the next release before the end of the month.

Jarod is in another band called Universe. It has members of other bands and other visual artists. They recorded their demo while I was in town and also played a show. I really enjoyed them and hope to see them do some things soon - I believe they are touring in August.

We spent Record Store Day outside of Landlocked and printed shirts on demand - it was a beautiful day and ended up being A LOT of fun.

anyway, I hope this finds you well. Someone probably misses you.

"Given the miserable state I'm in, it amuses people to waken cheap hopes in me. One thus becomes as morbidly sensitive to hope as somebody with rheumatism is to inflamation. It is very pleasant to know a person who, in such circumstances, raises no hopes - even if this is only because she is too lazy to write a letter. This person, then, is you - and you therefore stand on one of the few elevated spots still left in my rather inundated 'soul.' Hence, your not writing meant almost as much to me as your voice would, if I could hear it again after so many years ."
- Walter Benjamin in a letter to Asja Lacis, 1935

a general update for friends and such...

I'll be in Bloomington, Indiana for spring break, visiting Jarod again. I'm not sure if we'll be in Bloomington the entire time or not. John (mc) is giving a speech at the Fort Wayne Museum of Art on Sunday and we both want to be there. While away I plan on getting some reading and writing done.
Speaking of writing, I wrote a book! Jarod and I have plans of printing it while I am in Bloomington. More details when they are actually finished. I expect that we might do some other things music and art related, at least we'd like to, we'll see where the days and nights take us.

I've been really missing "the road" these last few days. I think about this a lot. Part of it is due to the inevitable spreading out of all my more accomplished friends (and this accomplishment can be as simple as getting out) and wanting to see them, as well as my leaving the city in which we grew up (no, not home), and also wanting to see those that stayed or returned. I find this interesting, perhaps ironic, as I think above all, my searching keeps bringing me back to a longing for stability - and life on the road by it's very nature, is anything but stable.

I am playing music with another guy here in NYC and we're looking for a drummer and singer.

I've also been playing with the other member of the photo (mark) and the guy who makes my custom pedals (lawrence). we just "jam" (I hate that word) and play A (yes, a single) Dinosaur Jr song, which we should be recording before summer rolls around - I have no idea if this will go beyond this.

neither of these aforementioned bands will be touring, so that doesn't solve the itch. the only other possible solution is for my friends to all be in bands that tour with regular stops in the greater NYC area, and those that are in touring bands, it's been awhile since they've made a stop here.

bday party in Brooklyn on Friday 4/24.

Ashes of Time Redux

Released in 2008, Ashes of Time Redux is Wong Kar-wai's revisiting of his 1994 film, Ashes of Time. There is some re-editing, restoration, re-recording of the dialogue, and additional soundtrack by Yo-Yo Ma. Like all of Wong's films, Ashes of Time explores the emotional interactions, the impact of lost love, and longing.
I am pretty sure Wong Kar-wai is one of my all time favorite directors. The film is set in ancient China, and is very loosely based on the Condor Trilogy; essentially a few shared characteristics and character names are as far as the similarities run. Wong has likened The Condor Trilogy to "a Chinese Lord of the Rings."
For me, it is impossible to imagine films such as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Hero, and/or House of Flying Daggers without Ashes of Time having been made.

Anyway, the point of this post isn't a review or analysis of the movie, or anything of the sort, but of course the monologues and dialogue (quotes).

"It is written in the Buddhist cannon: 'The flag is still. The wind is calm. It is the heart of man that is in turmoil."
"...the root of man's problem is memory. Without a past, everyday would be a new beginning."
"I long to be loved, yet only manage to hurt others."
"If love is a contest, I am not sure she is the winner. But I know for certain I've been a loser from the start."
"It's said memory is the root of man's troubles."
"I was born under the influence of a total eclipse. Love was destined to be out of reach."
"The more you try to forget, the better you'll remember. People say when you can't have what you want, the best you can do is not to forget."

The following are from an interview included on the DVD but fit in so well with the above expressed.
"The blossom will always be there, but the faces will change."
"Things change a lot and to revisit, is a very emotional thing."

it's funny how it's ok when your friends do it.

Herbert Marcuse

Tonight I am reading Herbert Marcuse's 5 Lectures, which I am borrowing from our dear friend, Jason Stopa.

I don't have the time, patience, nor the discipline to write up a full biography, so settle for this quick introduction to give some background and context, or do your own research.

Marcuse (July 19,1898 – July 29,1979) was a German Jewish philosopher and sociologist, a member of the Frankfurt School. He was also one of Angela Davis's professors at UCSD. (Angela also studied under Adorno in Frankfurt for a time, someday I'll look at her more closely). Marcuse is widely known for tying the theories of Freud with Marxism.

Herbert's Hippopotamus is an intensely engaging and inspiring, 1 hour 9 minute documentary that was made by UCSD film student, Paul Alexander Juutilainen in 1996. The film examines Marcuse at UCSD mainly from 1968 to 1969 - http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5311625903124176509 - which is also available for download if you notice the link on the left. There are a lot of interesting parts in this movie (ie, the interactions with Reagan are amazing, however did he become our president?), and I highly suggest it (of course). "Why... the visionary force of a youth movement had been over 70 years old"

here are two passages from Freedom and Freud's Theory of Instincts, that I found amazing.

pg 3.
"The irrationality of unfreedom is most crassly expressed in the intensified subjection of individuals to the enormous apparatus of production and distribution, in the de-privatization of free time, in the almost indistinguishable fusion of constructive and destructive social labor. And it is precisely this fusion that is the condition of the constantly increasing productivity and domination of nature which keeps individuals- or at least the majority of them in the advanced countries - living in increasing comfort. Thus irrationality becomes the form of social reason, becomes the rational universal. Psychologically - and that is all that concerns us here - the difference between domination and freedom is becoming smaller. The individual reproduces on the deepest level, in his instinctual structure, the values and behavior patterns that serve to maintain domination, while domination becomes increasingly less autonomous, less "personal," more objective and universal. What actually dominates is the economic, political, and cultural apparatus, which has become an indivisible unity constructed by social labor."

pg 9-10.
"Life is experienced as a struggle with one's self and the environment; it is suffered and won by conquests. Its substance is unpleasure, not pleasure. Happiness is a reward, relaxation, coincidence, a moment - in any case, not the goal of existence. That goal is rather labor. And labor is essentially alienated labor. Only in privileged situations does man work "for himself" in his occupation, does he satisfy his own needs, sublimated and unsublimated, in his occupation; normally he is busy all day long carrying out a prescribed social function while his self-fulfillment, if there is any, is limited to a scanty free time. The social structuring of time is patterned on the structuring of the instincts completed in childhood; only the limitation of Eros makes possible the limitation of free, that is, pleasurable time to a minimum deducted from full-time labor. And time, like existence itself, is divided into the primary content "alienated labor" and the secondary content "non-labor."
But the structuring of the instincts that dethrones the pleasure principle also makes possible ethics, which has become increasingly more decisive in the development of Western civilization."

I honestly intend on "unpacking" the above statements, as well as a better essay on Marcuse, someday, for now, it's there for you to do what you will with it.

Morrow CD out now!

Morrow CD out now!
Originally uploaded by
damianhade

Morrow lives in Bloomington, Indiana. In 2005, Morrow began as a singular project by Jarod Isenbarger and has since been working independently in the DIY scene. Emerging as a full band in May 2006, Morrow toured the Midwest and East Coast for one month with friends Burial Year and Future Ghosts. Now they are moving forward with a powerful first twelve-song full length—recorded by Mike Bridavsky at Russian Recording, mastered by Bob Weston at Chicago Mastering Service, and to be initially released by [excursions into the abyss].
Morrow is a conduit of the modern and classic. Invoking ancient forms while seeking to cut a musical path of their own, they arrive at a diverse, nuanced sound suffused with the new and familiar. With hearts neither black nor pure and having considered the gravity of their icons' melancholy teen spirits, some might say Morrow was born to run against the wind, up sugar mountain in search of an inner harvest that is the result of a great unraveling of their rock and roll tradition.
"Who will count the dead when there are no flies left? Who will count the rich man's gold?" Morrow's self-titled debut finds the band wrestling with questions of love, philosophy, religion, and politics. As adept as they are at communicating a world of, alienation, harsh truths, and the insidious in the mundane, the lyrics also point to the beauty and strength in our capacity for resilience, for reaching out to others in need of common comfort and protection, and perhaps ultimately in letting go of pain and loss. Sometimes the lyrics have a fictional lean, notably to Lovecraft.
This is dark, brooding, soulful rock and roll, switching elegantly from minor to major keys, and attracting enthusiasts of many genres. Morrow has enjoyed playing shows with artists across the rock spectrum—from Glorytellers to Ladyhawk to Nakatomi Plaza—and will continue to do so. Plans for 2009 include writing new songs and touring the East Coast in June and July.
For correspondence, booking, and a good time:
morrow.info@gmail.com | myspace.com/weatherprophets | excursionsintotheabyss.com/morrow/

the label is 13 years old, and we still haven't cut our teeth.

announcements are on the horizon.
I'll hint at them now due to excitement:

Morrow's full length should arrive hopefully by next week, I think I've been saying this for at least an entire month. when they actually arrive I will be finishing a lot of loose ends; press releases, setting up mailorder, getting review and retail copies out. it will be the first time in 6 years that I will be doing actual label work. the landscape of the music industry has changed greatly, I don't think it really matters all that much.

I have 2 more releases slated for the summer.
one is a split label release for the drowning with our anchors / peter & craig split 7". both these bands should not be unfamiliar to you. members of these bands are dear friends of mine, and more than likely, yours.

the other release is going to be a new record from one of my all time favorite bands. details are forthcoming.

the tribute comp (Dinosaur Jr's You're Living All Over Me) is after the above are taken care of. I still need one band to cover Raisans. I still question the misspellings.

I might be in a new band too.

outside of this, the economic landscape has also changed a great deal. Again, it's hard for me/us not to say I told you so, or even a flat out fuck you. The idealistic, hopeful side of me continues to draw parallels to past predictions (I intentionally not name them). I have hope to witness many of these theories to evolve beyond practice into a reality. Hope is a deficit. A lack. A projection. It is love. It is the me in you.

crossed gaps via bridges that we burnt.

1. what is mine has always been ours, so how do you tell my story (without you).
2. I stated the awkwardness of hearing "come as you are" followed by "pictures of you" (in public), and realized the succinct telling of a story as the idea escaped me.
3. It doesn't take any genuine-ality out of neither the telling, nor the awkwardness.
4. despite me telling my bestfriend these things (via text message (let's talk about alienation, shall we)), it is not solely about that individual, but the whole, the sum of the parts. (me+you+them=totality).
5. I still like lists.
6. this doesn't take any significance away from me expressing these thoughts to the intended individual; these things are larger than either of us. this is why we create the things that we do.
7. we are who we are. and we rebel.
8. non-related: you are an entire book in my story, whereas I am merely a minor footnote in a rather insignificant chapter in your story.

Paul Klee

Paul Klee
Originally uploaded by damianhade

Tentatively, I'm using the above image of a Paul Klee drawing for a record cover, but don't know what it's called, or anything about it for that matter. I'd really appreciate any information, so if you know something about it, let me know.

Paul Klee is one of my favorite artists and it came as no surprise that he was also a favorite artist of Walter Benjamin.

[The image is possibly going to be used for the upcoming Drowning With Our Anchors / Peter & Craig split 7"]

there's a fine line to these things, see. you're an ass's ass.

xxx

don't forget our time(s), even if it's just like this.

variations on a theme; Februaury 19, 2009

I would trade-in all my trophies for that one.

xxx

excerpts from "The People of Paper" (which was suggested to me by a dear friend) written by Salvador Plascencia:

"...rarely speaks of her and that's how most would want it. You don't want your lover speaking of the one before you, but you still look for some acknowledgment - evidence that the past has been dealt with, that the wounds suffered have been treated, that there is nothing festering, no remnants of love incubating." (p. 147)

"One day I will forgive you; until then there are scabs everywhere that you have touched me." (p. 167)

1968 revisited again

Originally uploaded by damianhade

I stole this from Lee Bender's blog

in other words...

It's not just merely a lack of reaction, but an understanding that it is pure impotence to make a noticeable impact; ignore change, this moment too will pass. Any action, or even thought, outside of this is purely egotistical masked behind a false sense of selflessness.

xxx

I am anxious for the apocalypse, I have been since the day I was born.

I'm bored, let's get married.

I'm sorry to make you aware of this, but when did you become so lame and defeated?

Hawaii.
Things are not worthwhile unless I come away with scars.

Nirvana - Milk It
I own my own pet virus
I get to pet and name her
Her milk is my shit
My shit is her milk

Nietzsche - The Will To Power - pg 548
The world... lives on itself: it's excrements are it's nourishment.

Me
Refuse is my Refuge

Oh My

Oh My
Originally uploaded by damianhade

Adventures with Alex.
Does this one really need a story?

a general update + some "rare" hellbender songs

so Alex moved in, and now that we're all situated, I don't think I've been this happy with house mates since I lived with Jarod and John in the Maumee house - after Betty and her cats left. We all like each other, hang out, and so on. I even get hugs and kisses semi-regularly. 2009 is going to kick 2008's ass.

I'm 5 classes away from being done with Autobiography - tonight not only did the plane that crashed into the Hudson River after encountering some birds, float all the way down from 50th street - and then was towed in to "shore" - which the towing was visible from the classroom, but we had a guest author tonight. I am genuinely impressed with her. I was a little worried after doing some independent research on her before class, but after her reading and talking to us then answering our questions, I fully back Felicia Sullivan. A heartbreaking story that I can definitely relate to on too many levels.


Yeah, so I've been on a big Hellbender and Milemarker kick since making that previous post about Milemarker at the Maumee house. So below are 4 rare songs - actually one of them is just the 7" rip of a song that is on Footprint of the American Chicken - but the other 3 are definitely alternate versions/recordings. Included is the live version of I, Thermostat that my sister, chris and I were in attendance in the small audience at 31g in Kalamazoo on August 31, 1996. In fact at the end of the song I can recognize my sister's clapping - it is that distinct to me - to be fair there were probably about 30 of us there total - including other bands, so in all likelihood only 10 of us were clapping, but still.

Hellbender - 4 songs

Other than that I've been writing emails to lots of people, and I'm trying to be a lot better about all of that. I'm trying to get back to actual letters, we'll see how this goes.

Just because I didn't mention it, doesn't mean I didn't notice and so on.

***

I have a lot of stuff I've been writing the passed few days, and I've been getting somewhere in my research that I've been working on (on what, I will not say, for a little while, at least).

I started a new class today, English 335 Autobiography - it's 3 weeks and rather intensive, in both the reading and the writing. I'm actually excited about it.
related - I still haven't received my German grade!!!!!???? Was ist los?

anyway, I'm being super reflective, considering it's been a year.

Milemarker

Milemarker - March 6, 1999 at the Maumee House (ten years ago!?!!!)
such a strange night.
More kids came through our front and side doors than any other night - I'd like to say combined, but that would be a flat out lie. Anyway, it was a lot of friends and strangers alike and it was a great, but albeit a short and awkward show.

Dave's (one of the singers and the guitar player) brother called me before they arrived, I am still unsure how he had my number, to inform me that Dave's Grandfather had passed away and I needed to tell Dave to come home immediately to be with the family.

Sometime later Milemarker pulled in and I had to be the messenger. I was a little bit unsure how to deliver the message, I would have been pretty upset by such news, and so I was even more awkward than I normally would have been.

I delivered the message and Dave was shaken, and had to figure out to get to a Kinko's to get on the internet - oh the days before internet was in every home. They played a rather short set. I was so stoked that I wanted to record their set, however I forgot to press record, and only captured the last 2 songs, they played a really short set as it was, I don't recall but it was probably about 20 minutes in total.
So these two songs (Battleship and Super Position) were recorded with 2 crappy microphones in our basement, but sound alright.

After the show Dave took off to the Kinko's and I attempted to interview the rest of Milemarker, but Al was more interested in hitting on one of my friends, Mary, and I wanted to keep the conversation light, in light of the message I had to deliver.
Al and I had gone back a few years, as I had seen Hellbender (of which he, and the drummer of Les Savy Fav were members of) on their first tour when I was in my early/mid teens in Findlay, Ohio - in fact I get confused if it was them or Laughing Hyenas that was my first show, as these two shows took place at the same venue within the same week. Chronology, whatever. Then I set up a show for Hellbender in Fort Wayne, I think in 1995, luckily for me Al called a few hours before the show and canceled as the venue backed out at the last minute, and I didn't know what I was doing yet. I also distributed their records to friends at lunch in high school, seeing as we didn't have a scene or shows to sell them at. Al and I also exchanged a few letters and phone calls. One time one of my checks bounced when I bought some records to distro. I saw Hellbender one other time in Kalamazoo, MI (which a live recording of I, Thermostat was on a comp). My sister, Chris (Lawhorn) and I drove up for that show, and picked up some kids that were lost looking for the venue that was named 31g. I saw quite a few good shows at that venue. And one last interaction between Al and I was when Cataract Falls played a show in Bloomington, IN the spring of 1998, and we were lost, so we drove by the house we had played previously the year before and there was Al sitting in the driveway. I was super fucking confused and asked him what we was doing there, and how strange to run into him, his new band, Milemarker was playing a show at that house. So we played our show and I ran across town to catch their set while the other members (james (had replaced stacey) and chris) slept from exhaustion. I was blown away. So I bought a few copies of their 7" to take home to give/sell to friends.
So a few months after this show/interview I picked up an issue of Punk Planet where Al was complaining about how people on the tour were not taking the band as serious as he wanted to, and sited our conversation in particular. Which resulted in some emails and he explained himself.

By far my most favorite of the shows we had (aside from the show Grapes of Wrath played and I rammed myself through a wall, and the last show we had when it was upstairs in the living room, instead of the confines of the basement). It was at this show that Al was the first person to compare DLA to 400 Years, and I thought that was a great compliment at the time. Other people would say it independently after this point as well.

Also, I hope you recognize that idiosyncratic trademarked yawn at the very end of the track Superposition.

Milemarker Live 3/6/99

last post of december/2008

I wanted to write a much more detailed post about the end of the year and all that this one entailed, which was a lot - but got distracted and decided I'd wait.

I sold the 8 track, and inherited a 4 track - so I started going through some of my tapes today.

I posted one song eddie and I recorded sometime in 2000/2001 on the message board.

then I got to the congress of the crow demo
I mean xcongressofthecrowx - we recorded 8 songs August 8, 2000. 8 - 8/8/∞
oh man. I haven't heard this since I mixed it back in August of 2000 (I'm assuming the same day that I recorded this on a 4 track).
unfortunately I lost the actual 4 track tape so we get the mixed down version, with tape warble and all.
the original cassette tape was 8 songs + the sample, which gets cut off on the tapes, but Jeremy insisted that we use it on the red heroine cd. I still don't know what movie it's from.
2 songs should be recognizable. and one other song is actually a "cover" (I don't know if that's really a cover, I wrote it) of a photograph to remember you by - the band Jarod, Jeremy, Adam and I were in at the end of 1997.

I remember recording these songs in my parent's basement, we would sneak all the equipment in while they were at work to practice and record, threaten my brother and sister not to tell on us and then leave. It worked for the entirety of the band.

Vocals were split up between the three of us, I'm mostly on the left and eddie and jeremy are mostly on the right, I think.

I couldn't scream that fast and I don't remember much of the lyrical content, so listening back to these, I am laughing at all of us!
Jeremy picked the song titles out from medical dictionaries. And for some reason put an Albert Camus quote in our linear notes - I'm pretty sure he's never read any Albert Camus outside of one-liners, and other quoted passages. "A profound thought is a constant process of becoming." which is actually a misquote as it should be - "A profound thought is in a constant process of becoming."

tracks 8+9 are from an earlier demo session/practice, I don't remember when it happened.
I don't know the song title to one song, and the other one Jeremy yells it out before we play it.
I don't really remember why or how it happened but by november we had recruited John Cheesebrew to sing for us, and resulted in the name change. I spoke of this in an earlier post. I think the practice space may have played a small part in this decision.

now that I think about it, it's possible the 8 songs were recorded on John McCormick's digital 8 track, but I don't think so - but that would explain why I don't have the original tracks/tapes - it's possible they are in my missing fire proof safe - which holds all the original recording sessions for a few bands, the test presses of all the records, and some other things, that I can't remember.

anyway, here's the demo + 2 bonus tracks.


I don't know why I haven't posted this before.
Dead Letter Auction recorded 5 songs in September 2003 with Mike Lust in Chicago at Phantom Manor.
We never released these songs, though they are floating around on the internets and stuff.
I think we didn't release them in part because Chris broke up the band again, by moving someplace silly - recording/engineering school in Phoenix, maybe? and then John got himself a family and all that - so we couldn't tour on the ep.
The bridge and the message were written with the intention of being on a split 7" with Ten Grand - that didn't happen because Matt passed away.
We wrote a few more songs and decided to record them all before Chris left us. Actually a part of the song [the Morrow] has a song that sounds an awful lot like a Ten Grand part (my guitar on the intro), and in part [the Mourning] was written for Matt, among other people and things. so this last ep was shaped very much by that.
all songs are titled with a "the" intentionally, with the last 4 being "the M_______" also intentionally.
these songs weren't exactly finished when we entered the studio. I didn't have the words written for one song, and the other I had never really sang, or even worked out the phrasing for the second half.
I love these songs a lot, and I think they showed a real promising direction that we were heading. Lyrics really sum up everything I was feeling at the time and was a perfect reflection of that specific moment as well as the band.

Dead Letter Auction - the Bridge

I found a bunch of old DLA things with some really interesting early versions of songs and such. I'm hoping to find some of the songs we didn't record in the studio. I found a tape from August 2001, I forgot that we actually had cancer of time, foreshadow, and excise written before we recorded vertigo. I knew foreshadow was that old, because the words "I want to see their buildings lay down" became an issue when 9/11 happened. anyway, these songs and things will probably get posted sometime next year.

also, I messed up January by posting 13 posts instead of just 1 -
and August I only posted 3 posts, instead of 8. but who's really counting?

last post of 2008.

what an interesting last couple of days.
I was stationed at a friend's, house/dog sitting. I watched a lot of movies and read The Cambridge Introduction to Foucault in one sitting. I'm really into this series, the Benjamin one was great and even covered some stuff I wasn't aware of. With Foucault, I'm at least familiar with all the works looked at, and enjoy having these shorter overviews. It did make me realize I need to re-read the History of Sexuality. I still standby my earlier disappointment in that it doesn't look at the ethical relationship in the other, or the partner, the emotional effects, and doesn't count for love all that much. Overall I think this reflects what I feel is just one of the selfish motivations Foucault had in writing The History of Sexuality, another being due to his sexual preference. I think I am becoming more and more disappointed in Foucault the more I look at him, and his delivery of ideas, critically. Mostly in the fact that he tends to make up a lot of his "facts" and seems to be self serving. Apparently he's more of a smartass than can be translated from French to English, which would be redeeming, however only slightly. I think, again, what attracts me to him, is his change at the end of his life, where he did become more interested in the ethics of the care of the self, an unfortunate death leads us to wonder where he would have gone with those ideas. His work is still very important, and very much needed, and did make many advancements in the fields of social science and thought. I don't mean to focus on the negative here, as he is a major influence, and will continue to be so...

One of the movies I watched, Man on Wire, had music by Michael Nyman, and I was fairly disappointed with his recycling of themes, melodies, and parts of the Gattaca soundtrack, which I mentioned a few posts back. I was so taken by hearing the music that I had to pause the movie to look up who did the soundtrack, to confirm my suspicion. At first I thought it was really cool, but along the way got somewhat annoyed by what is nearly a remix of the songs. The movie looks at Philippe Petit, a tightrope walker and street performer, who tight rope walked the Twin Towers.

Friday night, a cab driver asked me where I was going, before I answered he said, wherever it is, I'll take you for $6. I was going home, and this was at least 1/2 of what it had been, I wasn't looking for a cab, but am always up for an adventure, something told me I'd be in for one. To further justify this, my metrocard had expired, so I would have had to buy a new one. I wish I wanted to go somewhere else, but after being stationed at the other house, I actually wanted to return, to shower, shave, sleep in my bed, see my things. Oddly enough, the cab driver had to be in my area to pick up his wife shortly, and had time to kill. He knew my neighborhood well, and I didn't have to give him directions - when I first moved out here, I didn't know how to get home, and the cab drivers would always get so mad at me. I now know how to get home from just about any point in the city and don't have to tell the drivers how to get there. Occasionally one will tell me a different way to get home, which is always useful. Anyway, this cab driver is Pastor Pete, and he says he's "Rolling for Jesus" in an attempt to get people out of the churches and in a meaningful relationship with God. He collects food from restaurants and bakeries and gives it to homeless people. He has had a few documentaries made about him, and had been in other movies as well. He gave me his number and told me to call him if I ever needed anything. I noticed a small camera on the windshield filming the backseat, but didn't inquire why, I assume it's for protection, and so on. He told me a few stories about how he's talked people from jumping off the bridge, "the bridge will be there in a month from now, let's talk about it, give me a month." and other things, including falling outs with people involved in one of the movies he was in - essentially a crazy jew out to make money - which made me laugh at his fake accent and stereotyping.

Saturday I saw the roadshow version of Che (the two films, The Argentine and Guerrilla) by Steven Soderbergh. It ran 4 hours and 17 minutes, with an intermission (during which I played phone tag) adding roughly 20 more minutes. Soderbergh was there in person the night before, had I known, I would have definitely gone to that one, but I would have missed out on the cab ride. The movie was amazing, of course. Benicio again turns in an amazing performance, easily one of the best actors of all time, not just in his acting, but what he brings to the movies in terms of ideas and how he shapes the movie. I make note of the car chase scene in Way of the Gun, as that was his idea, and wasn't in the script. The two movies serve as a dichotomy of the success of the Cuban Revolution and the failure of his time in Bolivia - which led to his execution. I highly recommend seeing them both. I have an extra program if anyone is interested. It's really just the credits and some photos/stills from the movie. The roadshow version didn't include credits, I'm assuming to cut down on time.

at some point in the night, KXLU broadcast Drowning With Our Anchors and Portraits of Past playing from The Smell. It was the first remote broadcast, and there were some issues with the streaming. Both bands certainly didn't turn in their best sets, and the whole reason I was excited to hear the show was at the prospect of the possibility of hearing new songs. Drowning didn't play any new songs, and KXLU had a change of program, so the broadcast was cut short, and the listeners didn't hear all of the Portraits of Past set. I recorded it, but it's unlistenable, with the stuttering stream, and the audio mix.

Now it's Sunday, I'm about to go ice skating with the girl I babysat fall 2007- spring 2008, which ended due to her moving to Kansas. It's currently 64 and grey, how I recall the weather being most of the time we spent together, so it's fitting.

Also in closing, I want to leave with 2 notes one on the successful student sit in at the New School - which you can read about here - www.newschoolinexile.com -
and lastly, in the Cambridge Introduction to Michel Foucault, Lisa Downings refers to a passage by Nietzsche in which she says he plays the part of evangelist, turning the tables on Christians using their method of "fire and brimstone" to deliver the following:
"I call Christianity the one great curse, the one great innermost corruption, the one great instinct of revenge, for which no means is poisonous, stealthy, subterranean, small enough - I call it the one immortal blemish of mankind." - Nietzsche - The Antichrist - [pg 656 - The Portable Nietzsche].
I am not sure if I agree with her, as that being his intention, of if he actually meant it, either way, I mean it wholeheartedly.

the end of the semester is (almost) here

...I just have to turn some stuff in at 9am tomorrow. I'm probably going to stay up. Then I have my German final on Tuesday - seemingly very late, considering the next day is Christmas eve. Only one class has been posted so far, and I got an A, not an A-, so that's at least 2. I was terrible this semester and didn't really deserve those 2 A's. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get A's in the other classes, but I was expecting that, we'll see sometime next week or so.

Now it's time to look for a new job, and clean and organize my room again. Hopefully work on some things I haven't had time to do, I'll use the due to school excuse, but there's really no reason I can't handle school, work, extracurricular studies, bands, AND hanging out, but I sometimes don't even get out of bed, because I am overwhelmed with just the prospect of getting dressed. I am extremely anxious for the departure of current roommates and the arrival of the new ones. I am going to finally have a party after Alex arrives.

I bought my tickets for Hawaii, I'll be there February 4-8th. It was only $400 round trip, and yes it's short, but I don't want to miss a lot of school like I did at the start of this semester with our reunion shows and the visitors and all. I think I'm going to Vegas the 12th-16th (also in February) cause I have a break, it really depends on a job. I'm thinking about spring break already. It's kinda long, April 8-April 19th (the 20th being Monday + my birthday), I don't know what I want to do. I'd like to spend time with friends again, but I should probably work as much as I can so I can have more money to spend in Japan on sake.

No summer classes. I am not doing the Berlin program after all. So that means I'll be working in New Hampshire in August, and then I start on my teaching degree at Hunter, barring some major change in plans, or what have you.

New bands still haven't done anything due to cancellations and schedule conflicts. At some point in the winter/early spring Jarod is coming to NYC and we're recording Tarpit for the comp. I'd like him to play on Kracked with me as well, but we'll see. I have some pretty cool artwork ideas for it that are based on Maura Jaspers original cover for "you're living all over me" - I only need two more songs, and I have 2 bands that haven't officially committed to it yet, so I hope they end up saying yes and agreeing to those songs. I'm pretty excited about this. Actually, in label news, I haven't heard from Jarod in a while, so I don't know what the deal is. We wanted to have Morrow's record out by now. I was discussing with jmc that I think it was silly of me to relaunch the site when I did, and it was an impulsive decision. Maybe I'll spend some time on that in between now and the end of January.

I'm going to go read books I don't really understand.

everyone loves a good redscare

for some reason, I got distracted last night and eventually found myself reading comments posted in response to news items on cnn.com. I would say in the 80% range of all posts, there are huge grammatical mistakes (I know, who am I to speak of such things, I am well aware of my own), completely uneducated rants, people still holding on to dead ideas that are obviously not working, desperate attempts to get in touch with people for jobs, or just to be heard. All of this is heartbreaking and leaves me feeling hopeless and depressed. It makes me want to set fire to almost all of these individuals, one in particular blamed the failing of "the big three" automakers on a lack of patriotism: "buy American" - I wonder if he realized that they import more parts from foreign countries than toyota or honda do, so in fact it doesn't matter who you are buying from. Never mind the fact that we are a global community etc, and that this situation is affecting the entire world, not just Americans. Ignore that the American Way is the cause of this mess. It is the American influence on these other countries that is also the impetus of a world collapse.

I am slightly intrigued, perhaps even obsessed by the year 1968. At a future time I will explore this further. The civil right's movement, Black Panthers, the RAF, the SDS, student and workers revolts all over the entire world, Kommune 1, the environmental movement, the Weather Underground (though they began in 1969, however they embody the spirit of '68), and so on. What happened? Where has that level of involvement gone? Is it a matter of intelligence, time, care, selfishness, or what? I keep coming back to my naive 14 year old self, the brink of discovery of the more political punk, the believing in the revolution.

again, I will return someday to expand or come as close to completion as I can.