[excursions into the abyss]

Henry Miller

2010-12-14T01:11:00.007-05:00

I've spent too much time away from reading Henry due to school - which I know he'd be disappointed in me for sticking it out this long and not just living. I flip through a few pages from The Time of the Assassins and see all my highlights which in turn causes flooding of all these other brilliant things he said from everything of his I have read.

And in that moment I realize I have lost myself in this city many times over.

"... I saw finally that no matter how much I did it was just a drop in the bucket. I'm not saying that I grew indifferent, or hardened, no, but I realized that it would take a revolution to make any appreciable change in conditions. And when I say revolution, I mean a real revolution, something far more real and sweeping than the Russian Revolution for instance. I still think that, but I don't think it can be done politically or economically. Governments can't bring it about. Only individuals, each one working quietly in his own way. It must be a revolution of the heart. Our attitude towards life has to be fundamentally altered. We've got to advance to another level, a level from which we can take in the whole of the earth with one glance. We have to have vision of the globe, including all the people who inhabit it - down to the lowest and most primitive man."
Henry Miller - "The Alcoholic Veteran with the Washboard Cranium", From Nights of Love and Laughter. p 39 1955

2010-10-26T01:59:00.003-04:00

Max Horkheimer from Dawn and Decline - as cited in Michael Löwy's Fire Alarm:

When you are at the lowest ebb, exposed to an eternity of torment inflicted upon you by other human beings, you cherish, as a dream of deliverance, the idea that a being will come who will stand in the light and bring truth and justice for you. You do not even need this to happen in this lifetime, nor in the lifetime of those who are torturing you to death, but one day, whenever it comes, all will nonetheless be repaired... It is bitter to be misunderstood and to die in obscurity. It is to the honor of historical research that it projects light into that obscurity.

* this is not in the English Translation of Dawn and Decline.
* I think of this passage often, and was surprised I hadn't posted this already.

it has been awhile

2010-10-18T21:09:00.002-04:00

oh life. Since we last met under these circumstances, I lost a loved one to breast cancer (slightly dramatic phrasing; she's alive and well actually, just on the other side of the planet, 10,000 miles almost exactly from door to door), been super busy with school, and just trying to figure out what's next?
I have a lot of fragments of things that I need to finish writing, a bunch of quotes that I won't explain (cause I think they speak for themselves, even out of context), and even some label news: Morrow's S/T record will be here on vinyl in a few short weeks. Morrow is getting some attention in the blogs and such.

I raised this point with a journalist:
As a somewhat cynical but curious person, I was thinking about music journalism, which lead me to wonder... does the greater world of journalism at all operate the way music (and pretty much all media) journalism does; ie either through payola, who you know, or due to pressures put forth by higher ups to compete with what others are reporting? Is there any genuine sincerity left in journalism? 'cause there certainly isn't in media reporting...

This thought, and its consequences, spills over into so many areas of the everyday, that I just don't know where to start. I invoke Adorno, Tolstoy, Horkheimer, Nietzsche, Goethe, (Henry) Miller, Marcuse, Marx, and I end up feeling like Schopenhauer.

2010-05-21T11:18:00.000-04:00

if one dismisses what they did yesterday, what's the point of today?

2010-05-17T18:54:00.001-04:00

Marx:
"The existence of what I truly love is felt by me as a necessity, as a
need, without which my essence cannot be fulfilled, satisfied, complete."

Karl Marx and Australia

2010-04-12T18:54:00.002-04:00

Karl Marx seems to mention Australia in his works quite a bit (ie The German Ideology, Capital, he also wrote articles ie in the Neue-Oder Zeitung, March 7, 1855, and elsewhere).
I'm going to make this claim and not fully back it up, because: one, I'm lazy, and two, it's something I want to explore further at a later time / really it's rather insignificant, and is mostly due to commentaries on colonization, the newness at the time, labor movements, and so on. This is a note to self, that will never be fulfilled.

I may just notice it more than the others because of my sentimental attachments to Australia. It's sorta like the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, a form of synchronicity.

Love and Stupidity

2010-04-10T21:11:00.004-04:00

Love and Stupidity: The pleasure the animal trainer takes in the affection of a lion may sometimes be attenuated by the realization that the stupidity of the beast has a good deal to do with it. Because a heightened consciousness of its power would destroy the tie, the animal's present tenderness isn't worth much. The more reason the trainer has to think highly of his art, the less he need feel flattered by the affection of the lion. We don't like it when we are loved from a lack of intelligence. The pride many fine ladies and gentlemen take in the loyalty of their servants, or the Junker in their workers, caricatures the confidence we feel because we know we are genuinely loved.
Max Horkheimer. Dawn and Decline. p 72.

2010-03-06T15:43:00.003-05:00

lose a friend.
make new ones.
find old ones, even better yet, be found by old ones.

I need more sun and warmth, not speaking solely of weather. yes, spring's promise is welcomed.

Sometimes things don't add up and we need reference points, things to consider, substantiate claims. ie let's say someone was influenced by something, someone, or what have you, I personally would like proof. or let's say you heard a rumor, and you wanted to know if it's true - or if it has some semblance of truth - going to the source(s) would be better than just believing the claim. People say stupid things to suit their needs, whether that's out of hurt, pride, jealousy, confusion, malice, hearsay, or simply not knowing the facts, and it is of great consequence. I tend to believe most things I'm told, especially when it comes from someone I admire, respect, or have some sense of attachment to. However, the confrontation can be, and in all probability will be, damaging, resulting in loss. Maybe there are some things we are not meant to know. But when one's driving force is after truth, how to walk away in confusion and doubt, well it's not easy. I've never been one to be dismissive.

I always wondered if Nietzsche ever commented on Marx, according to a footnote in Kaufman's biography of Nietzsche, no (see page 292 n7 which is continued from pg 291). I may have mentioned this already. That could have been real interesting.

and maybe that's where I get hung up, in the possibilities. the promise. again, there is no beginning, there is no end. nothing is finite.

2010-02-09T16:23:00.000-05:00

If you suppose man to be man and his relationship to the world to be a human one, then you can only exchange love for love, trust for trust, etc. If you wish to appreciate art, then you must be a man with some artistic education; if you wish to exercise an influence on other men, you must be a man who has a really stimulating and encouraging effect on other men. Each of your relationships to man - and to nature - must be a definite expression of your real individual life that corresponds to the object of your will. If you love without arousing reciprocal love, that is, if your love does not as such produce love in return, if through the manifestation of yourself as a loving person you do not succeed in making yourself a beloved person, then your love is impotent and a misfortune...
pp 119-120 Karl Marx Selected Writings ed David McLellan

Assume man to be man and his relationship to the world to be a human one: then you can exchange love only for love, trust for trust, etc. If you enjoy art, you must be an artistically-cultivated person; if you want to exercise influence over other people, you must be a person with a stimulating and encouraging effect on other people. Every one of your relations to man and to nature must be a specific expression, corresponding to the object of your will, of your real individual life. If you love without evoking love in return - that is, if your loving as loving does not produce reciprocal love; if through a living expression of yourself as a loving person you do not make yourself a loving person, then your love is impotent - a misfortune.
p 140 - Economic and Philosophic Manuscripts of 1844 Karl Marx translated by Martin Milligan.

2010-02-01T23:46:00.001-05:00

1789
1848
1914
1968

end of the year post including top ten records.

2009-12-16T15:37:00.009-05:00

I am convinced that within my lifetime they will find some form of life on another planet / in another galaxy.

Wrapping up the end of the year is interesting, and this one was.
Stuff happened - some were there to witness it, some weren't.

Reviews for Portraits of Past should be published next month (the very few of them).
I am not selling any more color vinyl through the store - putting those few remaining copies aside for the time being - particularly for when people attempt to sell them on ebay.
However, I do have a few test press versions for sale for ultimate nerds (like myself), with different artwork by me and printed by Jarod at In Case of Emergency Press - which is a silkscreened CMYK print based off a photograph I took when Liann was visiting last August (there is meaning in everything). E-mail me if you're interested.

Top Ten records of 2009 (that I feel you should check out):
1. Towers - Full Circle - I "reviewed" this sometime this year on here. I really hope they keep active cause they are one of the best heavy bands. Good dudes, backed hard, etc. Atmospheric, technical, beautiful, ugly, hopeful and other one word adjectives. I'm jealous of this band having toured South America all while remaining true to DIY ethics. Amazing.

2. Morrow - My best friend, ex business partner, ex band mate outshines all of our musical endeavors with this record. I say that with full awareness that our extended musical family tree is now connected to just about every band that ever existed, or is separated by less than one degree (due mostly to Josh Kuntz) - so that's saying something. While some politicians want to be vultures and manipulate people into thinking they are comfortable with talk of hope and change, this record is the sound of that hope we all have, the change that would naturally follow it's fulfillment - it is the sound of love. The sound of music.

3. Algernon Cadwallader - Fun 7"+CD - Perhaps the "funnest" (yeah I know, most fun) band ever, from the best dudes ever. I never liked the "midwest emo" these guys constantly get compared to, and are obviously hugely influence by (ride in the van with them for an extended period and they will all sing along and have a good time to those bands), but really, there's something Algernon has that those predecessors were lacking. Maybe it's just my love for my friends, but that's what it's all about.

4. Portraits of Past - Cypress Dust Witch - An all time favorite band (in the top 5) that "changed my life", reunites, writes new material and asks me to release it. The result is a 4 song ep "picking up where they left off" and leaving most of us hoping for more - and rumor has it, there might be...

5. Dinosaur Jr - Farm - Another all time favorite band (also in the top 5) that "changed my life", reunites, records, and tours - Dinosaur Jr is the reason I play guitar, the reason I play(ed) music, and a bonding experience with so many of my friends. Again destroying any fears of some phoned in reunion record, these dudes still have it. And I mean who wasn't a little touched during that moment in the video for Over It when J puts his hand on Lou's shoulder? -

6. Narrows - New Distances - The singer of Botch has a new band (with other people that are in other bands) and it is awesome. I really don't have much more to say than that. It kinda sounds like Botch, which is a good thing.

7. Converge - Axe To Fall - Surprisingly good from a band that reached their peak in 2001 with Jane Doe - Since then they've had moments that definitely justify their continuance. I was really weary of the collaboration with Ghengis Tron - who I think is a terrible band with even worse fans - sorta like the Grateful Dead - but I love their collaboration track! But then again I'm a sucker for Converge's more epic tracks: Minnesota, Jane Doe, You Fail Me, Grim Heart/Black Rose, and now Wretched World - which leads to a wonder of calculation.

8. Jay-Z - Blueprint 3 - I actually think this isn't all that good of an album, it's just better than a lot of other records released this year (that I've heard). It absolutely has some pretty amazing moments, particularly "Empire State of Mind" - easily proving that Jigga can still bring the singles that far outweigh the lack felt from his albums as a whole. Since Blueprint 2 was named as such, it's hard to say Blueprint 3 as an album doesn't belong in the Blueprint trilogy - it definitely doesn't hold a candle to the original Blueprint - so like Converge - Jay reached his peak in 2001 (ironically both Blueprint and Jane Doe were released on September 11, 2001) but has had many more justifiable moments for his continuance than Converge (but recognize that it's a different medium altogether). And hey where else would you read Jay-Z and Converge mentioned in the same breadth, other than from me?

9. Cold Cave - Love Comes Close - I saw Cold Cave open for Dinosaur Jr and Sonic Youth (with Peter from Algernon Cadwallader) and honestly I didn't want to like them but I did. I was shaking my leg and nodding in time and was captured by certain melodies (particularly Theme From Tomorrowland). Then I found out that Wes Eisold is in the band and that made me look it up. Music for bullshit hipsters, but whatever. Somewhere in that whole Joy Division/New Order vein that will always be returned to by said bullshit hipsters. While JD and most of NO are timeless, the bands emulating them sound dated within weeks and no one remembers them - however, Cold Cave might actually have something here, even if it is just a fleeting moment.

10. - I really wanted to find a 10th record that was released this year that wasn't a reissue, and I'm already pushing it with #'s 8&9 therefore no such luck, so: Nirvana - Bleach - I got into Nirvana from a radio station out of Detroit that was powerful enough to have the ability of being picked up all the way in Findlay, Ohio. I was listening the night the DJ played "Smells Like Teen Spirit" back to back to back despite complaints from listeners. (I'm pretty sure it was one of the very first places it was heard, outside of people on the inside - the days when radio mattered). The DJ responded that he'd play whatever he wanted because "Alternative" didn't really mean anything. Then proceeded to play either Johnny Cash, Elvis, or Willie Nelson - or something of the sort. Anyway, that was about the time I became "punk" and this band wasn't "punk" enough - oh remember all the arguments of being a "sell-out"? A more mature me couldn't deny their power, particularly "Milk it" and "Radio Friendly Unit Shifter" from In Utero. Like most people I discovered Bleach after the fact, something that doesn't seem to hold as much power these days. If it's not new, it's not relevant. Bleach is a good record. I totally appreciate the rawness of it - which is succinctly captured by "...recordings by Jack Endino for $600" written in the linear notes. I still think this is one of the best bands of all time (however Nirvana is not in my top 5 personal favorites, oddly enough) and admire their integrity given the time frame, not to say it is not without it's criticisms, but whatever. I absolutely love the fact that they consciously didn't buy gas from Exxon or Shell for political reasons (based in business ethics) - something I adhered to in all my time in touring bands. So much heartache, nostalgia, and happiness wrapped up in the memories of this band, thus rightfully earning it's place.

also worth mentioning: Hatred Surge, Vaccine, Damages, Black Kites.

It was pointed out to me that it is also the end of a decade, but I'm not making a list for that.

untitled

2009-12-08T13:17:00.004-05:00

The end of the year is fast approaching, more importantly the end of the semester.
I am thinking that with the effects and affects of technology, the fast pace of the world, semesters are too long and should be shortened so that there are 3-4 a year. This speaks volumes to those with any form of ADD/ADHD/anxiety etc. Taking into account those effects of technology and that fast pace, that is all of us.

I wonder if one can draw parallels from the Wiemar Republic, and subsequently World War II with what is going on in Iraq and separately in Iran - of course we have to account for international intervention and outright causal. Taking into account the economic "crises" that parallel deepens. One begins to wonder, will future generations ever look back at any given specific time in history and not say it was a dark time? I'm sure there is a better example, but this comes to mind almost every time while reading the news - maybe it is a bit of a stretch, but sometimes we must look to the past to make sense of what takes place now, not to concern ourselves with what is coming.

end of the year lists to follow shortly, and perhaps before the end of the year.

context(ually) speaking [to you].

2009-11-11T23:15:00.003-05:00

Suppose we had produced things as human beings: in his production each of us would have twice affirmed himself and the other. (1) In my production I would have objectified my individuality and its particularity, and in the course of the activity I would have enjoyed an individual life; in viewing the object I would have experienced the individual joy of knowing my personality as an objective, sensuously perceptible, and indubitable power. (2) In your satisfaction and your use of my product I would have had the direct and conscious satisfaction that my work satisfied a human need, that it objectified human nature, and that it created an object appropriate to the need of another human being. (3) I would have been the mediator between you and the species and you would have experienced me as a reintegration of you own nature and a necessary part of your self; I would have been affirmed in your thought as well as your love. (4) In my individual life I would have directly created your life; in my individual activity I would have immediately confirmed and realized my true human and social nature.
Our productions would be so many mirrors reflecting our nature.
What happens so far as I am concerned would also apply to you.

Karl Marx. Notes of 1844.

2009-11-09T16:07:00.003-05:00

Things have been the busiest yet.
I am really pleased with how the new Portraits of Past 12"/CD turned out, and am getting some nice feedback from others as well.
All pre-orders have shipped and I am now working on distributors and stores - as well as reviews.

School is also super busy.
Yesterday went to the Bauhaus exhibit at MOMA and it was awesome.
Now I'm sick.

other than that, I haven't much else to say or report.

time immemorial (dialectically speaking)

2009-09-29T23:26:00.005-04:00

"Wealth and speed are what the world admires and strives for. Railways, express mail, steamships, and all possible facilities for communication are what the cultivated world desires in order to over-cultivate itself and thereby to stick fast in mediocrity. The concept of the general public has also led to the spread of a medium-level culture: this is the goal of the Bible Societies, the Lancastrian method*, and God knows what else. The fact is that this is the century for able minds, for quick-thinking, practical men with a certain dexterity which enables them to feel superior to the crowd, even though their gifts do not put them in the first rank. Let us try to remain true to the principles with which we came; along with perhaps a few others, we shall be the last members of an era which may not return so quickly."

- a letter from Goethe to Carl Friedrich Zelter, 1825.

*The Lancastrian method was based on the idea that children who were more proficient could teach other children under the supervision of an adult.

Leaking an, as of yet, unpublished review.

2009-09-26T13:57:00.010-04:00

The thing about leaking records that aren't out yet is, I get it, I really do. It's all so very exciting. Yet it's those people leaking the records that always have some disclaimer about supporting the bands and buying the release if you like it, as if this would absolve any responsibility.
As previously mentioned, to my shock, the new Portraits of Past record leaked from the Japanese CD version.
It's not about cutting into sales, whatsoever - but a record is supposed to be experienced with the packaging in hand, reading the lyrics, and appreciating the work involved. I just wanted and hoped that it wouldn't leak until after it was released, at that point, I wouldn't have cared at all.
With that said, I have posted some out of print records on this blog, that I actually own and more than appreciate. But these releases are out of print, sold out and no longer available. So they are there for archival purposes, and even more specifically for those that own the records but don't have the means to copy them to digital formats and want to listen to them on the go, mainly my friends (in particular people I was in bands with, and we geeked out on these records in the van or while hanging out). While I recognize the issue, and approach the situation completely aware of my/the contradictions and hypocrisies. Especially the often cited Marshall McLuhan phrase, "the Medium is the Message." (most of us know it from Born Against or Reversal of Man).
Walter Benjamin wrote an amazing essay, (in fact, his most cited work) the title of which is generally translated as "Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction." A free version is located here. Read that and update it to "art in the age of digital reproduction" and one could see just how far alienation has come into our everyday lives and removes us from experience. It's all quite disappointing to me, and hopefully yourself as well.

So. Funny thing is, I've already received a really nice glowing review of Portraits of Past's new release "Cypress Dust Witch" (despite the reviewers incessant and despicable use of the word Screamo) when there aren't even physical copies available in the United States. The review was emailed to me, therefore I wanted to share with those interested:

Often looked upon as one of the grandaddies of true Screamo, Portraits Of Past are remembered with the greatest respect. So last year, when they started gigging again after a 13 year hiatus, people began to get excited. An Ebullition records band of old touring again with new tunes in their repertoire? Surely that's enough to get anyone giddy.

"Cypress Dust Witch", the new 4 track EP released by Excursions Into The Abyss, is simply beautiful. Their sound has matured in the decade and a bit they've been busy doing other things. It's a more grown up and well rounded collection of pieces, all still retaining their trademark sound of passion and chaos. Amidst the fury of jangly riffs, erratic drumming and pained screams you'll also find wonderful sections of glassy almost-Post-Rock interludes which act as a perfect counterpoint to the insanity of the Punk. Like tender, frail thoughts between anguished realisations. This is what Screamo is meant to be!

Fire Song explodes into a cacophonous racket of blistering percussion and frantic guitars. Robert Pettersen snarls and spits violently when suddenly everything slows down. It gets peaceful. And then the beauty comes like a wave of soothing rest. The calm before the storm that lulls you into a sense of security. Then out of nowhere the track erupts again with passionate anger. That's the general theme throughout "Cypress Dust Witch" and it works to great effect. The highlight comes with the third song Through To An End which begins with all the idyllic twinkles and drones of a pretty lullaby. Even with the screams and shrieks, you still get lost in the attractive vibe of the song. It's a wonder that anyone could take an ugly format and transform it into something delicate and pretty. I absolutely love it!

The most remarkable aspect of the music is the effortlessness of each metamorphosis between angry and insane to calm and harmonious. The lack of stark change between ideas works well both on the individual tracks as it does with the EP as a whole. "Cypress Dust Witch" is about the most pleasurable aural kick in the face you'll receive in 2009!

in my spare time I run a record label...

2009-09-16T20:55:00.006-04:00

a little bummed that within minutes of me getting the ok from the printer that the covers of the Portraits of Past 12" are all set and ready to print, that I found out someone in Japan leaked it from the Japanese CD version. I had kept a really tight lid on this and didn't let anyone copy it or have mp3s of it. oh well, now that it's out there I'm anxious to hear other people's response.

the 12" will be here within the next few weeks.
pre-ordering launched - which means I set up a webstore - http://excursionsintotheabyss.com/store/

still waiting for Furnace to get it together and let me know what's up with the US CD version.

anyhow...
school's great.
I'm great.
You're probably alright.

Something about rambling or Babel-ing.

2009-08-22T14:20:00.004-04:00

Please tell me they have ditched the idea of calling it the Freedom Tower.

Nearly everyone is familiar with the story of Babel (which is located in modern day Iraq)
The tower never finished, but the people became too involved and attached so the children and grandchildren of the workers stayed, thus the first city was born. Were there those seeking a redemption in the completion of the building? Was it a singular idea of one of the following: a protest to infantile ideas of a higher being and the heavens, an attempt to elevate human kind and reach a semblance of unity, to touch the sky, and other such ideas, or some combination. Were there pure intentions?
Then the "scattering of the tongues" - the birth of 72 languages out of Adamic. Fittingly, in Hebrew, Babel means confusion.
To reach such heights, why wasn't the tower built on a mountain?

To prevent my own rambling see Kafka, Benjamin, Mosés, Isenbarger, Led Zeppelin, the book of Genesis.

And now "they" are attempting to build an elevator to space.

"Life is really weird man."

Montauk + 2 thoughts (education and fashion).

2009-08-18T15:32:00.013-04:00

On a whim, after a drunken dinner that turned into a very late night, I along with a friend of a friend decided to go to Montauk. Both of us had never been there. Each of us had our own reasons; I like edges, furthest points in a given direction, the ocean, traveling, I have been wanting to take this trip for a few years, and in doing so came away with a sense of relief, a redemption (and these days I'm all about the theoretical implications of redemption in every possible sense). Her reasoning was based on a book by Max Frisch (a Swiss-born German writer) about and titled, Montauk. The premise of the novel is quite romantic, and I love chasing romantic ideas, or having them be the basis for anything, so what better a travel companion? On top of all of this she is a German illustrator here on a Fulbright Scholarship.

The trip was nice. We just hung out and explored. Spoke English and a few German words and phrases. Discussed how it is nearly impossible to write a Master's thesis without referencing Walter Benjamin.

One of the reasons I really wanted go is to see the lighthouse. It's the fourth oldest working lighthouse in the United States, and it sits on the furthest point east of Long Island. So we board a bus from the Harbor to the Village. We notice there is a discount for students, so we present our id cards. German student identification cards do not have pictures on them. This was a huge problem that the bus driver couldn't deal with. She started yelling at both of us. My travel partner explains, "But I'm German..." to which the bus driver interrupts, "I don't care, I'm Russian [at the very least 2 generations of being in America, for sure], am I supposed to bow down to you because you are a German, or because you are a student. There are a lot of students. We're all just people." I couldn't believe this. So reluctantly, I paid the extra fifty cents, and we took our seats. My travel partner and I couldn't really grasp why the driver was so rude. The bus driver pulls over the bus and continues to hold up everyone else on the bus, continuing her yelling at both of us. We tried to explain the misunderstanding, but she just wasn't having it. She opened the doors and told us to get off the bus. And at our suggestion she calls the "cops" (her term). We wait, and everyone on the bus was embarrassed and impatient. Sensing this, she shuts the doors and drives on. No police involvement. We arrive at the transfer station and the bus driver refuses to open the back doors, so we had to walk to the front of the bus. Not surprisingly, she refuses to give me her name, I think she knew she was wrong and over-reacted. We had planned on being able to ask her which bus would take us to the lighthouse. Frustrated, we walk to the ocean front.
Unlike the harbor beaches, this one is amazing, more like my more favorite California beaches (Santa Cruz / Monterey Bay areas) than any of the East Coast beaches I've been to. The waves break right on the shore and crash over the break, creating pools and small streams in some areas. The cliffs look exactly like the Bad Lands in South Dakota.
We ended up just getting dinner, walking around the village, and going to the train station (there are only 2 returning trains from Montauk - 2:51p and 10:38p. We arrive at 9:45 and catch a drink at the restaurant right next to the station, then head home.

***

Rob just sent me an amazing article published in this month's issue of Harper's Magazine by Mark Slouka. Article is here if you have a subscription (or if you ask me, I can send you a pdf of it). The article focuses on the current "trend" in education being less and less about the humanities and arts and pushing more and more math and science. It's really a heartbreaking article that is so well written that Slouka deserves some national recognition.

***

also I have been really contemplating fashion again. I haven't really bought any clothes in a REALLY long time. Outside of friends giving me their band shirts, I think my newest clothes were bought for me in 2007. So I'm in the market for new jeans and other articles of clothing. The issue being (of course) not wanting to support in any shape or form people that don't align themselves with either revolutionary causes or sustainability / "green" ethics, along with fair working conditions and wages, and not playing into the roles of being a parrot of mainstream politics and so on. These companies have to exist.

so speaking of Walter Benjamin (as I often do)
the following from the Arcades Project:
"Here fashion has opened the business of dialectical exchange between woman and ware - between carnal pleasure and the corpse. The clerk, death, tall and loutish, measures the century by the yard, serves as mannequin to himself to save costs, and manages single handedly the liquidation that in French is called révolution. For fashion was never anything other than the parody of the motley cadaver, provocation of death through the woman, and bitter colloquy with decay whispered between shrill bursts of mechanical laughter. That is fashion. And that is why she changes so quickly; she titillates death and is already something different, something new, as he casts about to crush her. For a hundred years she holds her own against him. Now finally, she is on the point of quitting the field. But he erects on the banks of a new Lethe, which rolls its asphalt stream through arcades, the armature of the whores as a battle memorial. * Revolution * Love *"
"If a woman of taste, while undressing at night, should find herself constituted in reality as she has pretended to be during the day, I like to think she'd be discovered next morning drowned in her own tears." [Alphonse Karr, cited in F. Th. Vischer, Mode und Zynismus].
"Every fashion is to some extent a bitter satire on love"

and On the Concept of History:
XIV

Origin is the goal [Ziel: terminus].
– Karl Kraus, Worte in Versen I [Words in Verse]

History is the subject of a construction whose site is formed not in homogeneous and empty time, but in that which is fulfilled by the here-and-now [Jetztzeit]. For Robespierre, ancient Roman was a past charged with the here-and-now, a past which he blasted out of the continuum of history. The French Revolution viewed itself as Rome reincarnate. It cited ancient Rome exactly the way fashion cites a bygone mode of dress. Fashion has a nose for the topical, no matter where it stirs in the thickets of long ago; It is the tiger’s leap into the past. Such a leap however, takes place in an arena in which the ruling class gives command. The same leap into the open air of history is the dialectical leap Marx understood as revolution.

and Sonny Kay,
via Angel Hair: "Better a fashion show, than no show at all"
via the VSS: "your fashion was famous long before you named it. this sex life was predictable before it was prestigious. is your psoriasis more glamorous than contagious? your fashion was aimless long before you blamed it. before you maimed it, claimed it, tamed and shamed it. distress was timeless, prior to your passing interest in blood tests and cigarettes. atop mount fucking everest."

old man mumbles something to himself

2009-08-15T03:41:00.005-04:00

Walter Benjamin: "Hope soared away over their heads like a star falling from the sky... The most paradoxical, the most fleeting hope is born at the end of the novel in the guise of a reconciliation, in the way in which, when the sun has disappeared, twilight sees the rise of the Even Star which lasts longer than the night... The Symbol of the shooting star passing over the heads of lovers expresses the mystery that inheres in this work better than anything... That mystery promises much more than a reconciliation, it promises redemption."

A gust

2009-08-09T13:18:00.004-04:00

repaired the bike, going to take it out in a bit.
I have seven whole dollars invested in it, and not a penny more.

Jason is moving in literally down the street. I expect dinners, movie nights, good conversations, and another collaborative art piece - I'm counting the painting he did of my photo.

other than that, label things are shaping up, hit some snags with some cover art, but should have that figured out within the week.

I'm really debating running ads. It seems pointless with the internet and the fact that print is just bad. If you want to know something, it's really easy to find.

Speaking of printed matter, I picked up an issue of Give Me Back last night. The "reviews" are still terrible - and does anyone really buy something based on 3 sentences that generally consist of some variation of the following, "this band is good. they are from place X. they put on a great live show." if you're lucky they may mention what other projects the band members have been in or are also in. but rarely is there any commentary on the band, the content, and the more important aspects of the band/recording/performance. Context matters.
Speaking of reviews Tim over at Zen and the Art of Face Punching put up a review of Morrow's s/t. - http://zen-face-punch.blogspot.com/2009/08/gimme-sound-free-music-good-causes.html - with a link to gimmesound.

I added red heroine to the label's gimmesound page too. I hope to get some more DLA songs up there.

I'm going to try to ride around the neighborhood to see if I set up the bike properly.

Winning and how to write about the dead and the dying.

2009-07-23T13:35:00.003-04:00

Absence haunts.

Been traveling a little, Philadelphia a few times, Indiana, and day trips throughout the greater NYC area. I work in Stamford, CT most days it's not raining, which means I don't work very much, as it's been raining so much lately. A few times in the last few weeks I found myself in 4 states within a few moments of each other and thought about all sorts of things.

My most recent trip took me from Newark, NJ to Cleveland, OH where I had a flight to Dayton, OH which would have been followed by a car trip to Indianapolis with my friend James. However, when I landed in Cleveland, the flight to Dayton was overbooked. Taking advantage of this opportunity I offered up my seat in exchange for a direct flight to Indianapolis and as an added bonus "they" gave me a $300 travel voucher - all on a $180 ticket.

Rob, Rex, Jeremy, and Jonah picked me up from the Indianapolis airport. To explain how awesome that is, is embarrassing to all people involved. There's a lot of back story and details that would be lost in my fumbling for words. Dear reader/friend, just accept that the culmination of all events of the day pretty much maths out to being one of the better days of recent memory. The surprised encounters with friends only sweetened the deal. Closing out Saturday's fest, Portraits of Past put in their best set that I've seen so far, my sixth.

As a result of the $300 travel voucher I decided I'm going to Berlin, Germany and Bern, Switzerland for spring break '10, I'm trying to get a few others to save up and go with me, or tell my friends to be on tour during that time. I look forward to seeing meines Deutches freunden in ihrem Vaterland as well as expats etc.

I got the master reference tracks of the new Portraits of Past 12" (hopefully out in September / October) and haven't really listened to much else in these last few days. I'll write up a press release and get that ball rolling soon.

I have a few more edits to the book and Jarod hopes to print that in the next few weeks.

Ok, I need to go to a photo shoot; results will be posted sooner or later.

a song for a day.

2009-06-11T00:44:00.003-04:00

no doubt about it, I'm a fool.

I graduated junior college - did I mention that? I'm STILL trying to make sure my school didn't mess up some paper work / bureaucracy, but get no reply.

The rain has prevented me from working, but I have plenty of things to do - yet I find myself feeling like I wasted a day. For example, I recorded a song today, read, did some research, went to class, went to see a friend's band play, yet I still feel like I didn't do anything.

Here's the song if you want to hear it.
Sloppily, hastily recorded; 6 guitars, 1 Bass, written as I recorded each track - kinda like improv, but not. I have recorded songs like this since I was 14 years old - I haven't improved all that much, I'll prove it sometime before the year is up.
there are some others like it that I recorded last year and released on the digital release as [excs 09] - on the label's website --> www.excursionsintotheabyss.com

threading quarters for laundry to a few bands, most specifically Honeywell.

2009-05-20T11:02:00.009-04:00

I always take extra quarters to do laundry. This is a decision arrived upon after much careful deliberation - each and every time. I only want to take exact change, why the added weight, the significant increase in the bulge in my pocket. But what happens if I drop a quarter and it goes to an unretrievable distance under the machine? Or, let's take yesterday as an example, I kept putting a quarter in the machine, and it just came back out, I did this mechanically a few times, finally when I took notice of it, it was Canadian.

This post is mostly about Honeywell though, whom I admittedly don't know all that much about. I don't remember how or when I discovered them, sometime in between 1995-1997. I do know that Honeywell disbanded in 1994 and went on to later form Volume 11 - which pick up nicely where Honeywell left off, and even covered a Honeywell song on their live LP - also members were in Los Cincos / Syncopation. I do know they were crazy young, from somewhere in California (for some reason I wanna say the greater Los Angeles area), and pretty awesome for the time period.
This is everything they ever recorded, as far as I know - the demo, the song from In Memory of Jason comp, the Industry LP, the s/t 7", the Electric Koolaid 7", the split with Reach Out, and the Phantom Racer Club Cassette No 1.

With bringing up Honeywell it is really hard, if not outright impossible for me not to mention the following: for those of you that know me personally, and/or were around Fort Wayne in 2002 - 2003 at anytime, know that I loved Mortadusk, and drew parallels to Honeywell and Elements of Need. I've written and shouted out from rooftops all kinds of praise about them being the embodiment of the second coming. I screen-printed over my own band's T-shirts, signifying our insignificance in comparison. I am completely bummed about the lack of proper documentation when I think back to that time period. I mean it might be one of the greatest sins never committed to tape. Also, since I brought it up, and you probably watch TV, you probably already know that a member of Elements of Need is Eric (who was also in Ink & Dagger) from some show called "Tim&Eric, Awesome Show." And hey, you can !!!! off anytime you'd like.

Honeywell.

Monday May 18

2009-05-18T22:56:00.002-04:00

The last week of school and I'm having a hard time finding the motivation to study and write essays on things I already came to an understanding of more than 15 years ago.

I'm burnt out and this summer will be a much needed break from school. I haven't even really had time to read anything really awesome these last few weeks. I have been reading Letters To A Young Poet on the train rides to school, which is kinda good, Rilke got really good a few years after this. I also began working on the translation of Walter Benjamin's Sonette, which is on hold until at the very earliest the first week of June. It's going to be a welcomed challenge.
Today I bought the Cambridge Introduction to Derrida. I love this series.

Label stuff - Morrow should be available from all the digital download services (itunes, msn, etc) within the next week.
I noticed someone wrote a wiki article on last.fm for Dead Letter Auction, I am kinda amazed at how much that person knows, considering I have no idea who it is. I wrote the person via last.fm in gratitude, but he hasn't logged in since April 2008.
I set up a webstore, and need to get that implemented into the site somehow, sometime.

anywho.

insomnia returns

2009-05-08T01:23:00.005-04:00

"It was worth the kick I got back on"

I have visitors 3 out of 4 weekends this month. Any one of you are more than welcome to go 4 for 4 by visiting the 15th-17th.

I also graduate (junior college) at the end of the month (finally), well the last final is on the 21st. I have met all the requirements, but I have a feeling the school is going to somehow mess it up, we'll see when we get there. It's hard for me to not say that I've wasted my time and money, but this was a necessary step if I want to have a career in one of the only fields I think I could look at myself and say I'm doing the best I can, absolutely mean it, and live with myself.

Today I turned in a VERY short paper exploring the connection between environmental concerns and Marxist leanings, of course citing Walter Benjamin, who was in turn referencing Charles Fourier. At the turn of the 19th century Fourier coined the term feminism, advocated rights for homosexuals, made a call to end poverty, and the need to establish a relationship between labor and nature - through a warning that the exploitation of nature would lead to, as Benjamin paraphrases in Thesis XI in On The Concept of History, “four moons would illuminate the sky at night, the polar ice caps would recede, seawater would no longer taste salty, and beasts of prey would do man’s bidding.” And only now are these concerns truly being faced. I have already started working on threading these thoughts with the care of the self.
To back up, a lot of environmental literature at one point or another references utopian ideals. So now we move forward.

Earlier this week I designed a post card for the label, they should arrive by the 19th at the latest. I'll share then, as well as make the official announcement of the next release - if you have poor math skills, it's the new portraits of past 12". Needless to say, I'm rather excited about this. They're playing in San Diego this weekend, I would have gone, but... visitors, shit to do, etc.

The label also got picked up by 3 new distributors this week. When they list the stuff on their sites, it will be added to the proper site. Let's hope they stick around and can pay up when that time comes. The amount of money I've lost to folded distros, stores, and "lost" paper work (on their end, not mine) could have at least paid the only label debt to Tim D (technically this is a DLA debt, cause we used that money for other things, like eating on tour). - I intend to pay this before the end of this year.

In other DLA news, I made cover art for our last 5 songs, finally.

Tomorrow, if all goes well, I'll be recording the vocals for my fairly straight forward version of Kracked by Dinosaur Jr. Mark and Lawrence helped me out. Mark played drums and Lawrence played bass. Adam engineered. I'm setting a goal of a September release for this. I'll probably "leak" my song to friends as soon as it's done. Here's a video of me recording the solo - while Mark and Adam party.

The book is hitting some delays on Jarod's end, but, it's coming.

Lastly, I wrote a few letters, turned them into one, destroyed the others, but now I think I might have a new issue of the zine.

I will out run them all.

on that note, I leave with a vague and slight(ly) passive aggressive missive, which is dedicated to a ghost that still haunts me - you're like a car wreck and I can't stop looking, even though I recognize the victims.

some notes

2009-04-28T13:01:00.010-04:00

I was the marketing director at a music venue in NYC for a few months last summer - resume padding. I learned a lot, and now have experience to back up my absolute disgust for this "career", and, at the very minimum 75% of all those that work in the field. Though it's not their fault, it's alienated labor for them - ignorance is bliss, and so on.
One of the things I learned how to use is Google Analytics - though I'm not an expert. Through the learning process of all of this, it really makes me acutely aware of my thoughts of self policing - as well as policing others, the proverbial 15 minutes, panopticism, and so on. It's worse on social networking sites - worst of all, micro blogging via twitter. I have brought this issue up before in a previous post, I think - so it's something I am still trying to conclude, or reconcile. I had installed Analytics when I first started the site, somewhat inspired by an ex that installed it on hers and I thought it was kinda cool in a purely curious way - ok admittedly there was an ounce of vanity too. I rebelled at the thought of blogging only to cave. I don't remember if I read this or wrote it myself, but - I shout out my rebellion only to be frightened of my echo - if anyone, I think it was Camus who wrote this, or something similar, I'm too "lazy" to attempt to find it. I'm still trying to find something I read by him when I was about 20 years old, about singing - the problem is I can't remember if it really was him, and where I read it. I mean I think I know, but memory has a way of being faulty.

Anyway, I have reached over 700 unique readers in many countries; the power of the internet and the ability to reach an audience. A little less than 50 of them visit almost weekly. I recognize this is because of my sharing of quotes and out of print records, not because of my writing some rambling thoughts. The point being, being a fan of RSS feeds - I added this option - mostly for my own vanity, but also your convenience. I wish there was a way to add followers without it being displayed on the page.

One thing I recently was discussing with a friend is that I think my sense of humor seems to be lost all too often, ie most of the bands I was in were a lot of fun with lots of tomfoolery and jackassery, but that seems to be lost in songs about a "revolution" that will never come to fruition and being critical/dialectical/polemical of our past and present conditions. Even in the telling of these thoughts there was a decent amount of fun. ie the cliche reference of politicians by "the punks"/ left as snakes via "but split tongues shouldn't spit promises of tomorrow, forever empty" when we/they (in a us vs them sort of way) are doing the exact same thing. it's a recurring process - the finger pointing, while doing nothing, or even some action is a distraction from the real issues (the problem is, that what a real issue is, no one knows - what does it look like?), all without really facing the now through the past mistakes. Even in the first paragraph speaking of marketers partaking in alienated labor is slightly tongue in cheek. Also, it should be noted that I am not the subject of anything I have EVER written, including this.

Last night I went to see Mogwai. I went with a friend and we were talking (/nerding) out about what essentially boils down to being star/awe struck of our fellow community members due to their bands, and/or being awesome - and there are time frames, bands, individuals - experiences that we want to keep sacred - therefore not wanting to meet the individuals that comprise these bands because of the possibility of spoiling that sacredness. The thing is I can't think of anyone that I feel that way about, and I've met most of those people I at one time admired, and every single one of them has been more than accommodating or awesome on some level. Well there were a few, but whatever, I don't count them, as for the most part, these individuals were tourists, and they got lost in the journey, their ego, or elsewhere.

Lastly / in closing, I received the new Towers full length, "Full Circle" - Seriously amazing! I thank them for putting me in the thank you list - you're welcome for whatever it is that you are thanking me for. The individuals involved with the entire Be Happy/Philadelphia scene are sincere, inspiring, and extremely talented and prolific. Outside of saying the new record is awesome, I assure you it's in my top ten for the year - and if you're into chaotic heavy music with roots within the diy scene - complete with amazing drumming, intelligent lyrics, and crazy effected guitars, it will be in yours too. Also, the use of the toy piano is always a sure way into my ear's heart. "this is a dead horse beaten back to life"

Stay humble. Be well.

Universal Order of Armageddon

2009-04-23T22:42:00.012-04:00

You never know what to expect from me.
I haven't posted music in a while.

I am pretty sure that my introduction to Tonie Joy's guitar playing was the Universal Order of Armageddon split 7" with Born Against. I was still in high school and 17 years old. At that time Born Against were my favorite band. It just so happens that Tonie played bass on the Born Against songs on that split 7", which just so happen to arguably be the best Born Against songs.

The next record I picked up from UOA was their Gravity 12" - which is comprised of my favorite songs/versions. Incidentally, the version of No Longer Stranger, here called Longer Stranger, also features Sam Mcpheeters of Born Against on backing vocals.

Tonie is a very consistent musician and all of his bands rank very highly amongst my favorites. The Convocation of, now just The Convocation, just released a new 7" on Gravity.

Universal Order of Armageddon is as fresh, timeless, and relevant as they were in 1993, which is to say, they hold up amazingly.

As far as I know this 12" is long out of print. These songs were not included on the Switch is Down CD - which is unfortunate. So, here's my rip - my copy is quite old and there is some surface noise present - I used to listen this A LOT. In fact, I probably listened to it more than any other record until the Portraits of Past LP came out.

My friend, you are no longer stranger. Universal Order of Armageddon - Gravity 12"

Publishing in Exile

2009-04-23T21:51:00.012-04:00

Tonight (Thursday, April 23) I went to the opening of Publishing In Exile, German-Language Literature in the U.S. in the 1940s. It is at the Leo Baeck Institute which is in the Center For Jewish History.
The exhibition had a panel discussion on publishers in exile and "the crucial assistance they gave fleeing authors." Participants were: John Spalek, SUNY/Albany; Wulf Koepke, Texas A&M; Hildegard Bachert, Galerie St. Etienne; Mark Anderson, Columbia U.; Beth Merfish, NYU; and Ernst Fischer, Universität Mainz. Frank Mecklenburg, LBI, moderated.

I'm no scholar and didn't take notes but I was glad to hear at least Adorno's name mentioned, though he was the only one of the Frankfurt School, however this is about publishers, not authors. Apparently this is one of the first ever panels and exhibitions focusing on the publishers during the exile. One of the panelists made a nice comment about the role of the publishers bringing works to the public, the public being related to publisher. At some point it was also noted that German Publishers were never in it to be making money, but their production was due to a passion. This is another amongst the myriad of things they struggled with when coming to the United States.

The exhibition is running until June 28th, and I will be returning to visit with the pieces on display, as well as to explore the other areas of the Center For Jewish History.

return to a year older

2009-04-20T00:32:00.008-04:00

To be honest, it's kinda good to come back - though not to part with my friend(s) - seeing the skyline on returning flights is something that I kinda love.

The trip was very event filled.
Watching Jarod talk to J was as weird and awkward as I had ever hoped for. I kinda froze up and with J's responses to Jarod's "gear" questions felt it better to not say anything. But it was what I wanted and expected, so I was glad.

I'm really glad to have seen the people that came down for the show. Hanging out with John and Megan was awesome. John's part of a panel discussion on minimalism at the Fort Wayne Museum of Art - that happens at the end of the month - he plans on not saying much.

Hanging out with Ian was fun - he recognized me, which was kinda cool. I had a lot of fun watching his new band, Chain and the Gang.

Jarod and I made a lot of progress on the previously mentioned book, there were some evolutionary changes, and hope to see that in production very soon.

I located a book of Sonnets by Walter Benjamin and ordered it. I am going to work on translating it over the summer, and this will probably be the next book I work on for the label - I hope to see it done before the end of the year.

I did a little research on Paul Klee while in Bloomington and found the previously posted picture. It is titled "Kleine Seenot" which is translated as "Slight Danger at Sea" - it was drawn in 1928 (I think the drawing from this year are amongst my favorite) and is now in the Klee-Zentrum in Berne - I think I'm going to plan a major trip for a few of us sometime in the future. When I got back to the apartment Alex presented me with a Paul Klee book that I haven't ever seen - for my birthday! AND there was a Paul Klee documentary waiting for me from an online based video rental business.

Label stuff, I have some Morrow cds in my possession and will begin doing that work now. I think I should have some other info on the next release before the end of the month.

Jarod is in another band called Universe. It has members of other bands and other visual artists. They recorded their demo while I was in town and also played a show. I really enjoyed them and hope to see them do some things soon - I believe they are touring in August.

We spent Record Store Day outside of Landlocked and printed shirts on demand - it was a beautiful day and ended up being A LOT of fun.

anyway, I hope this finds you well. Someone probably misses you.

2009-04-09T14:53:00.003-04:00

"Given the miserable state I'm in, it amuses people to waken cheap hopes in me. One thus becomes as morbidly sensitive to hope as somebody with rheumatism is to inflamation. It is very pleasant to know a person who, in such circumstances, raises no hopes - even if this is only because she is too lazy to write a letter. This person, then, is you - and you therefore stand on one of the few elevated spots still left in my rather inundated 'soul.' Hence, your not writing meant almost as much to me as your voice would, if I could hear it again after so many years ."
- Walter Benjamin in a letter to Asja Lacis, 1935

a general update for friends and such...

2009-04-05T21:50:00.005-04:00

I'll be in Bloomington, Indiana for spring break, visiting Jarod again. I'm not sure if we'll be in Bloomington the entire time or not. John (mc) is giving a speech at the Fort Wayne Museum of Art on Sunday and we both want to be there. While away I plan on getting some reading and writing done.
Speaking of writing, I wrote a book! Jarod and I have plans of printing it while I am in Bloomington. More details when they are actually finished. I expect that we might do some other things music and art related, at least we'd like to, we'll see where the days and nights take us.

I've been really missing "the road" these last few days. I think about this a lot. Part of it is due to the inevitable spreading out of all my more accomplished friends (and this accomplishment can be as simple as getting out) and wanting to see them, as well as my leaving the city in which we grew up (no, not home), and also wanting to see those that stayed or returned. I find this interesting, perhaps ironic, as I think above all, my searching keeps bringing me back to a longing for stability - and life on the road by it's very nature, is anything but stable.

I am playing music with another guy here in NYC and we're looking for a drummer and singer.

I've also been playing with the other member of the photo (mark) and the guy who makes my custom pedals (lawrence). we just "jam" (I hate that word) and play A (yes, a single) Dinosaur Jr song, which we should be recording before summer rolls around - I have no idea if this will go beyond this.

neither of these aforementioned bands will be touring, so that doesn't solve the itch. the only other possible solution is for my friends to all be in bands that tour with regular stops in the greater NYC area, and those that are in touring bands, it's been awhile since they've made a stop here.

bday party in Brooklyn on Friday 4/24.

Ashes of Time Redux

2009-03-24T23:39:00.006-04:00

Released in 2008, Ashes of Time Redux is Wong Kar-wai's revisiting of his 1994 film, Ashes of Time. There is some re-editing, restoration, re-recording of the dialogue, and additional soundtrack by Yo-Yo Ma. Like all of Wong's films, Ashes of Time explores the emotional interactions, the impact of lost love, and longing.
I am pretty sure Wong Kar-wai is one of my all time favorite directors. The film is set in ancient China, and is very loosely based on the Condor Trilogy; essentially a few shared characteristics and character names are as far as the similarities run. Wong has likened The Condor Trilogy to "a Chinese Lord of the Rings."
For me, it is impossible to imagine films such as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Hero, and/or House of Flying Daggers without Ashes of Time having been made.

Anyway, the point of this post isn't a review or analysis of the movie, or anything of the sort, but of course the monologues and dialogue (quotes).

"It is written in the Buddhist cannon: 'The flag is still. The wind is calm. It is the heart of man that is in turmoil."
"...the root of man's problem is memory. Without a past, everyday would be a new beginning."
"I long to be loved, yet only manage to hurt others."
"If love is a contest, I am not sure she is the winner. But I know for certain I've been a loser from the start."
"It's said memory is the root of man's troubles."
"I was born under the influence of a total eclipse. Love was destined to be out of reach."
"The more you try to forget, the better you'll remember. People say when you can't have what you want, the best you can do is not to forget."

The following are from an interview included on the DVD but fit in so well with the above expressed.
"The blossom will always be there, but the faces will change."
"Things change a lot and to revisit, is a very emotional thing."

2009-03-22T23:20:00.001-04:00

it's funny how it's ok when your friends do it.

Herbert Marcuse

2009-03-20T23:20:00.013-04:00

Tonight I am reading Herbert Marcuse's 5 Lectures, which I am borrowing from our dear friend, Jason Stopa.

I don't have the time, patience, nor the discipline to write up a full biography, so settle for this quick introduction to give some background and context, or do your own research.

Marcuse (July 19,1898 – July 29,1979) was a German Jewish philosopher and sociologist, a member of the Frankfurt School. He was also one of Angela Davis's professors at UCSD. (Angela also studied under Adorno in Frankfurt for a time, someday I'll look at her more closely). Marcuse is widely known for tying the theories of Freud with Marxism.

Herbert's Hippopotamus is an intensely engaging and inspiring, 1 hour 9 minute documentary that was made by UCSD film student, Paul Alexander Juutilainen in 1996. The film examines Marcuse at UCSD mainly from 1968 to 1969 - http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5311625903124176509 - which is also available for download if you notice the link on the left. There are a lot of interesting parts in this movie (ie, the interactions with Reagan are amazing, however did he become our president?), and I highly suggest it (of course). "Why... the visionary force of a youth movement had been over 70 years old"

here are two passages from Freedom and Freud's Theory of Instincts, that I found amazing.

pg 3.
"The irrationality of unfreedom is most crassly expressed in the intensified subjection of individuals to the enormous apparatus of production and distribution, in the de-privatization of free time, in the almost indistinguishable fusion of constructive and destructive social labor. And it is precisely this fusion that is the condition of the constantly increasing productivity and domination of nature which keeps individuals- or at least the majority of them in the advanced countries - living in increasing comfort. Thus irrationality becomes the form of social reason, becomes the rational universal. Psychologically - and that is all that concerns us here - the difference between domination and freedom is becoming smaller. The individual reproduces on the deepest level, in his instinctual structure, the values and behavior patterns that serve to maintain domination, while domination becomes increasingly less autonomous, less "personal," more objective and universal. What actually dominates is the economic, political, and cultural apparatus, which has become an indivisible unity constructed by social labor."

pg 9-10.
"Life is experienced as a struggle with one's self and the environment; it is suffered and won by conquests. Its substance is unpleasure, not pleasure. Happiness is a reward, relaxation, coincidence, a moment - in any case, not the goal of existence. That goal is rather labor. And labor is essentially alienated labor. Only in privileged situations does man work "for himself" in his occupation, does he satisfy his own needs, sublimated and unsublimated, in his occupation; normally he is busy all day long carrying out a prescribed social function while his self-fulfillment, if there is any, is limited to a scanty free time. The social structuring of time is patterned on the structuring of the instincts completed in childhood; only the limitation of Eros makes possible the limitation of free, that is, pleasurable time to a minimum deducted from full-time labor. And time, like existence itself, is divided into the primary content "alienated labor" and the secondary content "non-labor."
But the structuring of the instincts that dethrones the pleasure principle also makes possible ethics, which has become increasingly more decisive in the development of Western civilization."

I honestly intend on "unpacking" the above statements, as well as a better essay on Marcuse, someday, for now, it's there for you to do what you will with it.

Morrow CD out now!

2009-03-17T12:43:00.009-04:00

Morrow CD out now!
Originally uploaded by
damianhade

Morrow lives in Bloomington, Indiana. In 2005, Morrow began as a singular project by Jarod Isenbarger and has since been working independently in the DIY scene. Emerging as a full band in May 2006, Morrow toured the Midwest and East Coast for one month with friends Burial Year and Future Ghosts. Now they are moving forward with a powerful first twelve-song full length—recorded by Mike Bridavsky at Russian Recording, mastered by Bob Weston at Chicago Mastering Service, and to be initially released by [excursions into the abyss].
Morrow is a conduit of the modern and classic. Invoking ancient forms while seeking to cut a musical path of their own, they arrive at a diverse, nuanced sound suffused with the new and familiar. With hearts neither black nor pure and having considered the gravity of their icons' melancholy teen spirits, some might say Morrow was born to run against the wind, up sugar mountain in search of an inner harvest that is the result of a great unraveling of their rock and roll tradition.
"Who will count the dead when there are no flies left? Who will count the rich man's gold?" Morrow's self-titled debut finds the band wrestling with questions of love, philosophy, religion, and politics. As adept as they are at communicating a world of, alienation, harsh truths, and the insidious in the mundane, the lyrics also point to the beauty and strength in our capacity for resilience, for reaching out to others in need of common comfort and protection, and perhaps ultimately in letting go of pain and loss. Sometimes the lyrics have a fictional lean, notably to Lovecraft.
This is dark, brooding, soulful rock and roll, switching elegantly from minor to major keys, and attracting enthusiasts of many genres. Morrow has enjoyed playing shows with artists across the rock spectrum—from Glorytellers to Ladyhawk to Nakatomi Plaza—and will continue to do so. Plans for 2009 include writing new songs and touring the East Coast in June and July.
For correspondence, booking, and a good time:
morrow.info@gmail.com | myspace.com/weatherprophets | excursionsintotheabyss.com/morrow/

2009-03-17T01:35:00.010-04:00

the label is 13 years old, and we still haven't cut our teeth.

announcements are on the horizon.
I'll hint at them now due to excitement:

Morrow's full length should arrive hopefully by next week, I think I've been saying this for at least an entire month. when they actually arrive I will be finishing a lot of loose ends; press releases, setting up mailorder, getting review and retail copies out. it will be the first time in 6 years that I will be doing actual label work. the landscape of the music industry has changed greatly, I don't think it really matters all that much.

I have 2 more releases slated for the summer.
one is a split label release for the drowning with our anchors / peter & craig split 7". both these bands should not be unfamiliar to you. members of these bands are dear friends of mine, and more than likely, yours.

the other release is going to be a new record from one of my all time favorite bands. details are forthcoming.

the tribute comp (Dinosaur Jr's You're Living All Over Me) is after the above are taken care of. I still need one band to cover Raisans. I still question the misspellings.

I might be in a new band too.

outside of this, the economic landscape has also changed a great deal. Again, it's hard for me/us not to say I told you so, or even a flat out fuck you. The idealistic, hopeful side of me continues to draw parallels to past predictions (I intentionally not name them). I have hope to witness many of these theories to evolve beyond practice into a reality. Hope is a deficit. A lack. A projection. It is love. It is the me in you.

crossed gaps via bridges that we burnt.

2009-03-15T03:15:00.012-04:00

1. what is mine has always been ours, so how do you tell my story (without you).
2. I stated the awkwardness of hearing "come as you are" followed by "pictures of you" (in public), and realized the succinct telling of a story as the idea escaped me.
3. It doesn't take any genuine-ality out of neither the telling, nor the awkwardness.
4. despite me telling my bestfriend these things (via text message (let's talk about alienation, shall we)), it is not solely about that individual, but the whole, the sum of the parts. (me+you+them=totality).
5. I still like lists.
6. this doesn't take any significance away from me expressing these thoughts to the intended individual; these things are larger than either of us. this is why we create the things that we do.
7. we are who we are. and we rebel.
8. non-related: you are an entire book in my story, whereas I am merely a minor footnote in a rather insignificant chapter in your story.

Paul Klee

2009-03-07T16:51:00.010-05:00

Paul Klee
Originally uploaded by damianhade

Tentatively, I'm using the above image of a Paul Klee drawing for a record cover, but don't know what it's called, or anything about it for that matter. I'd really appreciate any information, so if you know something about it, let me know.

Paul Klee is one of my favorite artists and it came as no surprise that he was also a favorite artist of Walter Benjamin.

[The image is possibly going to be used for the upcoming Drowning With Our Anchors / Peter & Craig split 7"]

2009-03-03T22:55:00.003-05:00

there's a fine line to these things, see. you're an ass's ass.

xxx

don't forget our time(s), even if it's just like this.

variations on a theme; Februaury 19, 2009

2009-02-19T22:26:00.007-05:00

I would trade-in all my trophies for that one.

xxx

excerpts from "The People of Paper" (which was suggested to me by a dear friend) written by Salvador Plascencia:

"...rarely speaks of her and that's how most would want it. You don't want your lover speaking of the one before you, but you still look for some acknowledgment - evidence that the past has been dealt with, that the wounds suffered have been treated, that there is nothing festering, no remnants of love incubating." (p. 147)

"One day I will forgive you; until then there are scabs everywhere that you have touched me." (p. 167)

1968 revisited again

2009-02-17T10:33:00.002-05:00

Originally uploaded by damianhade

I stole this from Lee Bender's blog

in other words...

2009-02-12T14:06:00.006-05:00

It's not just merely a lack of reaction, but an understanding that it is pure impotence to make a noticeable impact; ignore change, this moment too will pass. Any action, or even thought, outside of this is purely egotistical masked behind a false sense of selflessness.

xxx

I am anxious for the apocalypse, I have been since the day I was born.

I'm bored, let's get married.

I'm sorry to make you aware of this, but when did you become so lame and defeated?

2009-02-06T00:12:00.001-05:00

Hawaii.
Things are not worthwhile unless I come away with scars.

2009-01-25T17:33:00.001-05:00

Nirvana - Milk It
I own my own pet virus
I get to pet and name her
Her milk is my shit
My shit is her milk

Nietzsche - The Will To Power - pg 548
The world... lives on itself: it's excrements are it's nourishment.

Me
Refuse is my Refuge

Oh My

2009-01-24T16:39:00.001-05:00

Oh My
Originally uploaded by damianhade

Adventures with Alex.
Does this one really need a story?

a general update + some "rare" hellbender songs

2009-01-15T22:33:00.003-05:00

so Alex moved in, and now that we're all situated, I don't think I've been this happy with house mates since I lived with Jarod and John in the Maumee house - after Betty and her cats left. We all like each other, hang out, and so on. I even get hugs and kisses semi-regularly. 2009 is going to kick 2008's ass.

I'm 5 classes away from being done with Autobiography - tonight not only did the plane that crashed into the Hudson River after encountering some birds, float all the way down from 50th street - and then was towed in to "shore" - which the towing was visible from the classroom, but we had a guest author tonight. I am genuinely impressed with her. I was a little worried after doing some independent research on her before class, but after her reading and talking to us then answering our questions, I fully back Felicia Sullivan. A heartbreaking story that I can definitely relate to on too many levels.

Yeah, so I've been on a big Hellbender and Milemarker kick since making that previous post about Milemarker at the Maumee house. So below are 4 rare songs - actually one of them is just the 7" rip of a song that is on Footprint of the American Chicken - but the other 3 are definitely alternate versions/recordings. Included is the live version of I, Thermostat that my sister, chris and I were in attendance in the small audience at 31g in Kalamazoo on August 31, 1996. In fact at the end of the song I can recognize my sister's clapping - it is that distinct to me - to be fair there were probably about 30 of us there total - including other bands, so in all likelihood only 10 of us were clapping, but still.

Hellbender - 4 songs

Other than that I've been writing emails to lots of people, and I'm trying to be a lot better about all of that. I'm trying to get back to actual letters, we'll see how this goes.

2009-01-05T23:12:00.005-05:00

Just because I didn't mention it, doesn't mean I didn't notice and so on.

***

I have a lot of stuff I've been writing the passed few days, and I've been getting somewhere in my research that I've been working on (on what, I will not say, for a little while, at least).

I started a new class today, English 335 Autobiography - it's 3 weeks and rather intensive, in both the reading and the writing. I'm actually excited about it.
related - I still haven't received my German grade!!!!!???? Was ist los?

anyway, I'm being super reflective, considering it's been a year.

Milemarker

2009-01-02T13:33:00.012-05:00

Milemarker - March 6, 1999 at the Maumee House (ten years ago!?!!!)
such a strange night.
More kids came through our front and side doors than any other night - I'd like to say combined, but that would be a flat out lie. Anyway, it was a lot of friends and strangers alike and it was a great, but albeit a short and awkward show.

Dave's (one of the singers and the guitar player) brother called me before they arrived, I am still unsure how he had my number, to inform me that Dave's Grandfather had passed away and I needed to tell Dave to come home immediately to be with the family.

Sometime later Milemarker pulled in and I had to be the messenger. I was a little bit unsure how to deliver the message, I would have been pretty upset by such news, and so I was even more awkward than I normally would have been.

I delivered the message and Dave was shaken, and had to figure out to get to a Kinko's to get on the internet - oh the days before internet was in every home. They played a rather short set. I was so stoked that I wanted to record their set, however I forgot to press record, and only captured the last 2 songs, they played a really short set as it was, I don't recall but it was probably about 20 minutes in total.
So these two songs (Battleship and Super Position) were recorded with 2 crappy microphones in our basement, but sound alright.

After the show Dave took off to the Kinko's and I attempted to interview the rest of Milemarker, but Al was more interested in hitting on one of my friends, Mary, and I wanted to keep the conversation light, in light of the message I had to deliver.
Al and I had gone back a few years, as I had seen Hellbender (of which he, and the drummer of Les Savy Fav were members of) on their first tour when I was in my early/mid teens in Findlay, Ohio - in fact I get confused if it was them or Laughing Hyenas that was my first show, as these two shows took place at the same venue within the same week. Chronology, whatever. Then I set up a show for Hellbender in Fort Wayne, I think in 1995, luckily for me Al called a few hours before the show and canceled as the venue backed out at the last minute, and I didn't know what I was doing yet. I also distributed their records to friends at lunch in high school, seeing as we didn't have a scene or shows to sell them at. Al and I also exchanged a few letters and phone calls. One time one of my checks bounced when I bought some records to distro. I saw Hellbender one other time in Kalamazoo, MI (which a live recording of I, Thermostat was on a comp). My sister, Chris (Lawhorn) and I drove up for that show, and picked up some kids that were lost looking for the venue that was named 31g. I saw quite a few good shows at that venue. And one last interaction between Al and I was when Cataract Falls played a show in Bloomington, IN the spring of 1998, and we were lost, so we drove by the house we had played previously the year before and there was Al sitting in the driveway. I was super fucking confused and asked him what we was doing there, and how strange to run into him, his new band, Milemarker was playing a show at that house. So we played our show and I ran across town to catch their set while the other members (james (had replaced stacey) and chris) slept from exhaustion. I was blown away. So I bought a few copies of their 7" to take home to give/sell to friends.
So a few months after this show/interview I picked up an issue of Punk Planet where Al was complaining about how people on the tour were not taking the band as serious as he wanted to, and sited our conversation in particular. Which resulted in some emails and he explained himself.

By far my most favorite of the shows we had (aside from the show Grapes of Wrath played and I rammed myself through a wall, and the last show we had when it was upstairs in the living room, instead of the confines of the basement). It was at this show that Al was the first person to compare DLA to 400 Years, and I thought that was a great compliment at the time. Other people would say it independently after this point as well.

Also, I hope you recognize that idiosyncratic trademarked yawn at the very end of the track Superposition.

Milemarker Live 3/6/99

last post of december/2008

2008-12-30T02:59:00.008-05:00

I wanted to write a much more detailed post about the end of the year and all that this one entailed, which was a lot - but got distracted and decided I'd wait.

I sold the 8 track, and inherited a 4 track - so I started going through some of my tapes today.

I posted one song eddie and I recorded sometime in 2000/2001 on the message board.

then I got to the congress of the crow demo
I mean xcongressofthecrowx - we recorded 8 songs August 8, 2000. 8 - 8/8/∞
oh man. I haven't heard this since I mixed it back in August of 2000 (I'm assuming the same day that I recorded this on a 4 track).
unfortunately I lost the actual 4 track tape so we get the mixed down version, with tape warble and all.
the original cassette tape was 8 songs + the sample, which gets cut off on the tapes, but Jeremy insisted that we use it on the red heroine cd. I still don't know what movie it's from.
2 songs should be recognizable. and one other song is actually a "cover" (I don't know if that's really a cover, I wrote it) of a photograph to remember you by - the band Jarod, Jeremy, Adam and I were in at the end of 1997.

I remember recording these songs in my parent's basement, we would sneak all the equipment in while they were at work to practice and record, threaten my brother and sister not to tell on us and then leave. It worked for the entirety of the band.

Vocals were split up between the three of us, I'm mostly on the left and eddie and jeremy are mostly on the right, I think.

I couldn't scream that fast and I don't remember much of the lyrical content, so listening back to these, I am laughing at all of us!
Jeremy picked the song titles out from medical dictionaries. And for some reason put an Albert Camus quote in our linear notes - I'm pretty sure he's never read any Albert Camus outside of one-liners, and other quoted passages. "A profound thought is a constant process of becoming." which is actually a misquote as it should be - "A profound thought is in a constant process of becoming."

tracks 8+9 are from an earlier demo session/practice, I don't remember when it happened.
I don't know the song title to one song, and the other one Jeremy yells it out before we play it.
I don't really remember why or how it happened but by november we had recruited John Cheesebrew to sing for us, and resulted in the name change. I spoke of this in an earlier post. I think the practice space may have played a small part in this decision.

now that I think about it, it's possible the 8 songs were recorded on John McCormick's digital 8 track, but I don't think so - but that would explain why I don't have the original tracks/tapes - it's possible they are in my missing fire proof safe - which holds all the original recording sessions for a few bands, the test presses of all the records, and some other things, that I can't remember.

anyway, here's the demo + 2 bonus tracks.

I don't know why I haven't posted this before.
Dead Letter Auction recorded 5 songs in September 2003 with Mike Lust in Chicago at Phantom Manor.
We never released these songs, though they are floating around on the internets and stuff.
I think we didn't release them in part because Chris broke up the band again, by moving someplace silly - recording/engineering school in Phoenix, maybe? and then John got himself a family and all that - so we couldn't tour on the ep.
The bridge and the message were written with the intention of being on a split 7" with Ten Grand - that didn't happen because Matt passed away.
We wrote a few more songs and decided to record them all before Chris left us. Actually a part of the song [the Morrow] has a song that sounds an awful lot like a Ten Grand part (my guitar on the intro), and in part [the Mourning] was written for Matt, among other people and things. so this last ep was shaped very much by that.
all songs are titled with a "the" intentionally, with the last 4 being "the M_______" also intentionally.
these songs weren't exactly finished when we entered the studio. I didn't have the words written for one song, and the other I had never really sang, or even worked out the phrasing for the second half.
I love these songs a lot, and I think they showed a real promising direction that we were heading. Lyrics really sum up everything I was feeling at the time and was a perfect reflection of that specific moment as well as the band.

Dead Letter Auction - the Bridge

I found a bunch of old DLA things with some really interesting early versions of songs and such. I'm hoping to find some of the songs we didn't record in the studio. I found a tape from August 2001, I forgot that we actually had cancer of time, foreshadow, and excise written before we recorded vertigo. I knew foreshadow was that old, because the words "I want to see their buildings lay down" became an issue when 9/11 happened. anyway, these songs and things will probably get posted sometime next year.

also, I messed up January by posting 13 posts instead of just 1 -
and August I only posted 3 posts, instead of 8. but who's really counting?

last post of 2008.

2008-12-27T22:58:00.010-05:00

what an interesting last couple of days.
I was stationed at a friend's, house/dog sitting. I watched a lot of movies and read The Cambridge Introduction to Foucault in one sitting. I'm really into this series, the Benjamin one was great and even covered some stuff I wasn't aware of. With Foucault, I'm at least familiar with all the works looked at, and enjoy having these shorter overviews. It did make me realize I need to re-read the History of Sexuality. I still standby my earlier disappointment in that it doesn't look at the ethical relationship in the other, or the partner, the emotional effects, and doesn't count for love all that much. Overall I think this reflects what I feel is just one of the selfish motivations Foucault had in writing The History of Sexuality, another being due to his sexual preference. I think I am becoming more and more disappointed in Foucault the more I look at him, and his delivery of ideas, critically. Mostly in the fact that he tends to make up a lot of his "facts" and seems to be self serving. Apparently he's more of a smartass than can be translated from French to English, which would be redeeming, however only slightly. I think, again, what attracts me to him, is his change at the end of his life, where he did become more interested in the ethics of the care of the self, an unfortunate death leads us to wonder where he would have gone with those ideas. His work is still very important, and very much needed, and did make many advancements in the fields of social science and thought. I don't mean to focus on the negative here, as he is a major influence, and will continue to be so...

One of the movies I watched, Man on Wire, had music by Michael Nyman, and I was fairly disappointed with his recycling of themes, melodies, and parts of the Gattaca soundtrack, which I mentioned a few posts back. I was so taken by hearing the music that I had to pause the movie to look up who did the soundtrack, to confirm my suspicion. At first I thought it was really cool, but along the way got somewhat annoyed by what is nearly a remix of the songs. The movie looks at Philippe Petit, a tightrope walker and street performer, who tight rope walked the Twin Towers.

Friday night, a cab driver asked me where I was going, before I answered he said, wherever it is, I'll take you for $6. I was going home, and this was at least 1/2 of what it had been, I wasn't looking for a cab, but am always up for an adventure, something told me I'd be in for one. To further justify this, my metrocard had expired, so I would have had to buy a new one. I wish I wanted to go somewhere else, but after being stationed at the other house, I actually wanted to return, to shower, shave, sleep in my bed, see my things. Oddly enough, the cab driver had to be in my area to pick up his wife shortly, and had time to kill. He knew my neighborhood well, and I didn't have to give him directions - when I first moved out here, I didn't know how to get home, and the cab drivers would always get so mad at me. I now know how to get home from just about any point in the city and don't have to tell the drivers how to get there. Occasionally one will tell me a different way to get home, which is always useful. Anyway, this cab driver is Pastor Pete, and he says he's "Rolling for Jesus" in an attempt to get people out of the churches and in a meaningful relationship with God. He collects food from restaurants and bakeries and gives it to homeless people. He has had a few documentaries made about him, and had been in other movies as well. He gave me his number and told me to call him if I ever needed anything. I noticed a small camera on the windshield filming the backseat, but didn't inquire why, I assume it's for protection, and so on. He told me a few stories about how he's talked people from jumping off the bridge, "the bridge will be there in a month from now, let's talk about it, give me a month." and other things, including falling outs with people involved in one of the movies he was in - essentially a crazy jew out to make money - which made me laugh at his fake accent and stereotyping.

Saturday I saw the roadshow version of Che (the two films, The Argentine and Guerrilla) by Steven Soderbergh. It ran 4 hours and 17 minutes, with an intermission (during which I played phone tag) adding roughly 20 more minutes. Soderbergh was there in person the night before, had I known, I would have definitely gone to that one, but I would have missed out on the cab ride. The movie was amazing, of course. Benicio again turns in an amazing performance, easily one of the best actors of all time, not just in his acting, but what he brings to the movies in terms of ideas and how he shapes the movie. I make note of the car chase scene in Way of the Gun, as that was his idea, and wasn't in the script. The two movies serve as a dichotomy of the success of the Cuban Revolution and the failure of his time in Bolivia - which led to his execution. I highly recommend seeing them both. I have an extra program if anyone is interested. It's really just the credits and some photos/stills from the movie. The roadshow version didn't include credits, I'm assuming to cut down on time.

at some point in the night, KXLU broadcast Drowning With Our Anchors and Portraits of Past playing from The Smell. It was the first remote broadcast, and there were some issues with the streaming. Both bands certainly didn't turn in their best sets, and the whole reason I was excited to hear the show was at the prospect of the possibility of hearing new songs. Drowning didn't play any new songs, and KXLU had a change of program, so the broadcast was cut short, and the listeners didn't hear all of the Portraits of Past set. I recorded it, but it's unlistenable, with the stuttering stream, and the audio mix.

Now it's Sunday, I'm about to go ice skating with the girl I babysat fall 2007- spring 2008, which ended due to her moving to Kansas. It's currently 64 and grey, how I recall the weather being most of the time we spent together, so it's fitting.

Also in closing, I want to leave with 2 notes one on the successful student sit in at the New School - which you can read about here - www.newschoolinexile.com -
and lastly, in the Cambridge Introduction to Michel Foucault, Lisa Downings refers to a passage by Nietzsche in which she says he plays the part of evangelist, turning the tables on Christians using their method of "fire and brimstone" to deliver the following:
"I call Christianity the one great curse, the one great innermost corruption, the one great instinct of revenge, for which no means is poisonous, stealthy, subterranean, small enough - I call it the one immortal blemish of mankind." - Nietzsche - The Antichrist - [pg 656 - The Portable Nietzsche].
I am not sure if I agree with her, as that being his intention, of if he actually meant it, either way, I mean it wholeheartedly.

the end of the semester is (almost) here

2008-12-22T02:59:00.003-05:00

...I just have to turn some stuff in at 9am tomorrow. I'm probably going to stay up. Then I have my German final on Tuesday - seemingly very late, considering the next day is Christmas eve. Only one class has been posted so far, and I got an A, not an A-, so that's at least 2. I was terrible this semester and didn't really deserve those 2 A's. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get A's in the other classes, but I was expecting that, we'll see sometime next week or so.

Now it's time to look for a new job, and clean and organize my room again. Hopefully work on some things I haven't had time to do, I'll use the due to school excuse, but there's really no reason I can't handle school, work, extracurricular studies, bands, AND hanging out, but I sometimes don't even get out of bed, because I am overwhelmed with just the prospect of getting dressed. I am extremely anxious for the departure of current roommates and the arrival of the new ones. I am going to finally have a party after Alex arrives.

I bought my tickets for Hawaii, I'll be there February 4-8th. It was only $400 round trip, and yes it's short, but I don't want to miss a lot of school like I did at the start of this semester with our reunion shows and the visitors and all. I think I'm going to Vegas the 12th-16th (also in February) cause I have a break, it really depends on a job. I'm thinking about spring break already. It's kinda long, April 8-April 19th (the 20th being Monday + my birthday), I don't know what I want to do. I'd like to spend time with friends again, but I should probably work as much as I can so I can have more money to spend in Japan on sake.

No summer classes. I am not doing the Berlin program after all. So that means I'll be working in New Hampshire in August, and then I start on my teaching degree at Hunter, barring some major change in plans, or what have you.

New bands still haven't done anything due to cancellations and schedule conflicts. At some point in the winter/early spring Jarod is coming to NYC and we're recording Tarpit for the comp. I'd like him to play on Kracked with me as well, but we'll see. I have some pretty cool artwork ideas for it that are based on Maura Jaspers original cover for "you're living all over me" - I only need two more songs, and I have 2 bands that haven't officially committed to it yet, so I hope they end up saying yes and agreeing to those songs. I'm pretty excited about this. Actually, in label news, I haven't heard from Jarod in a while, so I don't know what the deal is. We wanted to have Morrow's record out by now. I was discussing with jmc that I think it was silly of me to relaunch the site when I did, and it was an impulsive decision. Maybe I'll spend some time on that in between now and the end of January.

I'm going to go read books I don't really understand.

everyone loves a good redscare

2008-12-19T12:49:00.004-05:00

for some reason, I got distracted last night and eventually found myself reading comments posted in response to news items on cnn.com. I would say in the 80% range of all posts, there are huge grammatical mistakes (I know, who am I to speak of such things, I am well aware of my own), completely uneducated rants, people still holding on to dead ideas that are obviously not working, desperate attempts to get in touch with people for jobs, or just to be heard. All of this is heartbreaking and leaves me feeling hopeless and depressed. It makes me want to set fire to almost all of these individuals, one in particular blamed the failing of "the big three" automakers on a lack of patriotism: "buy American" - I wonder if he realized that they import more parts from foreign countries than toyota or honda do, so in fact it doesn't matter who you are buying from. Never mind the fact that we are a global community etc, and that this situation is affecting the entire world, not just Americans. Ignore that the American Way is the cause of this mess. It is the American influence on these other countries that is also the impetus of a world collapse.

I am slightly intrigued, perhaps even obsessed by the year 1968. At a future time I will explore this further. The civil right's movement, Black Panthers, the RAF, the SDS, student and workers revolts all over the entire world, Kommune 1, the environmental movement, the Weather Underground (though they began in 1969, however they embody the spirit of '68), and so on. What happened? Where has that level of involvement gone? Is it a matter of intelligence, time, care, selfishness, or what? I keep coming back to my naive 14 year old self, the brink of discovery of the more political punk, the believing in the revolution.

again, I will return someday to expand or come as close to completion as I can.

Degas to Mallarmè

2008-12-18T10:03:00.002-05:00

Edgar Degas: "What a task!... I've spent the whole day long on one of these blessed sonnets and I've made no progress whatsoever... And yet I'm hardly lacking in ideas... I'm quite full of them... I've got too many in fact."

Stéphane Mallarmé: "But my dear Degas, one does not make poetry out of ideas, but out of words."

New Year's Resolution

2008-12-15T14:28:00.004-05:00

Stop living life and doing things as if it were a demo.
Some mistakes can never be recovered, more often than not, there are no do overs. So, make it count.
"Each step forward is the last, and with it a world dies - one's self included..."

Despite redemption being a major precept of Judaism, and most Abrahamic based religions, even further, common sense and forgiveness, we are stubborn, not easily able to forget.

I find that I have approached nearly every thing I have ever done as something I will return to to make better or right, or to expand the endeavor at another point in time. To count on an uncertainty.
I am all intention left unsatisfied.

News

2008-12-15T13:42:00.001-05:00

the first thing I heard from the TV while back home is military enrollment is on the rise.

And I'm back

2008-12-15T11:57:00.006-05:00

Still sick, or it came back from not sleeping and didn't improve, also from not sleeping.

The train ride was amazing. I met Dan at NY's Penn Station, he puts me on a train heading to Trenton, "hey, he's going to Trenton" "ok here's a ticket" "see ya!" [That's how far the free train ride goes, from there it's $9 to 30th/Market Street Station.]

Less than 2 hours later, I'm in Philadelphia in the company of a dear friend, who does amazing work for addressing public education on Africa, the quality of life for African immigrants, as well as all of Africa, among other things. She makes me so proud, because while the rest of us complain and theorize, (or write songs), about the injustices in the world, she is actually doing something that can be measured. Interesting to note, that Africa is a continent, with many countries and diverse cultures yet "African Studies" is an umbrella that covers all of our view of Africa, while every other culture is divided into smaller and more specific regions, she is working to directly change that.

10 hours later, we're back in Ft Wayne. The drive, we talked the entire time, we had a lot to catch up on since we saw each other in August. It was great until the last hour. She started getting delirious, biting the steering wheel, and so on. We arrive at her parents house, and crashed for a few minutes.

We arrive at the funeral. Chris gave Stasia a hug, solemn, beautiful, sweet. He didn't know I was coming, and I wasn't sure what the appropriate thing to do is, do you surprise your friend at his mom's funeral? He hugs me and loses it, which makes me lose it. We're crying, and he manages to get out, "I love you man.... see I'm not a robot" and I cried harder and laughed. The sweetest thing ever. Christopher hardly ever gets upset, so much so that a long running joke is he's a robot with no emotion, and that certain normal emotional responses are outside of his programming. Does not compute, and so on. The service was nice and I learned a lot about Chris's family, that I didn't know. John (Mc), Anastasia and I spend the rest of the day with Chris.

Friday we met John, Lindsay, and Finn! at Old Crown - so many of my friends and roommates have worked there. I met Finn last May (also at old crown) not too long after he was born. It's amazing how fast kids grow and change. He's walking and talking, I'm blown away. Sara was there, Fran came in to meet up with us and Sarah Jane was there with her son Cash, also about the same age as Finn. Lyndsey Rae works there now too. We did a little shopping at the other stores in the strip. Sara, Stasia and I went to Sara's to see her new apartment. It's awesome. She has the best decorating skills out of all of my friends combined (John and Lindsay are excluded from the combination, cause they rule too) and am kinda jealous she didn't have these skills when we lived together. I take comfort in the fact she and I will always remain friends, I'll probably always tease her about a lot of things, but it's nice to know we're close after all that time we spent and all that was involved. From there the three of us went to meet up with John and Ian McCormick at Park Edelweisse, a German club out on the south side of town. It's awesome. Cheap German Beer and just a bunch of German heritage. Fort Wayne has a huge German population, until 1942 or so the papers and street signs were in both German and English. We hung out listened to some German songs. Ian is amazingly big. I haven't seen him in so long, hardly the boy that fronted Skullyard when he was 12.
Then we met up with everyone at Baan Thai. I miss Fort Wayne's restaurants so much. The quality is so much better than most places in New York. Especially in Baan Thai, Taj Mahal, and a few others. After dinner everyone but Chris and Jacqui headed to State Bar and Grill. Andy Manes is sitting at the bar, haven't seen him since 1996. I explained why I was in town, and he said, yeah I'm in town visiting too. which is a lie, he lives there. I don't understand the need to lie. It's cool. A lot of my friends have stayed. They're awesome too.
After that we went to John and Lindsay's house. Stayed up really late, catching up, shooting the shit, and so on.
Saturday was insanely busy. Went to Hyde Brothers bought some books. Had lunch with Sara and Leah. Dropped Sara off at one of her billion jobs - Went to Jeremy's and visited with him and Heaven. She's almost 9 years old now!? Went to see my sister at work. Right, this is why I left - all these fat assholes at the mall. Stacey is seemingly even taller and even skinnier than ever. She's super busy, we make plans that don't come to fruition.
After that I went to the Marriott to visit an old boss, he still wants me to move back just to work for him. no way. Sara's mom came in and we talked. I love that woman more and more as time passes, she's pretty awesome.
I made the trek out to my Aunt Jenny's where they were having a party. I come in and my Dad comes up from the lower level - he looks a lot better than the last time I had seen him - but I'm a few steps above him and he's confused that I'm taller than him. "no you dummy, I'm on a few steps above you" I walk down and I get a standing ovation from my family and am ambushed with questions - I don't think they realize I haven't spoken to my dad since January and this was a lot to take in. Before I know it, my Dad's phone is ringing, he told my brother I was going to be there, so he called from jail and I spent 29 minutes out in the cold trying not to be mean to him. I come back in, and the questions start back up. I sternly said, "give me a minute." Awkward silence. I felt guilty. The party noise rises back up. Dad makes inappropriate comments. Sara calls and says she's done with work two hours early. I make an exit. Stop at my Grandpa's which I think ended up being the highlight of my trip home.
My Grandpa is a quiet man. Grandma passed away right before I moved here. I'm soft spoken. My Grandpa is hard of hearing. Awesome combination. We talk for awhile. "I don't know, maybe I'm wrong Damian, but how much is $700 billion dollars per person? Now the government would tax that so much, they wouldn't really be losing all that much, in comparison to bailing out all these big corporations that continue to do more of the same. Well that would fix this whole mess. I mean, maybe I'm missing something, but..." YES! Where did the rest of the family go wrong?
Sara calls and it's time for me to go. I part regrettably, and promise to see him this summer at the lake.
Pick up Sara, get dropped off at Stasia's. We go through the basement and walk away with way awesome stuff. Books, maps, stuff I'll use when I start teaching. And there's WAY more where that came from, and I'm welcome to come back to get some more.
Sunday get up, Stasia's mom packed all kinds of food for both of us. and we're off.
Back in Philly, I meet up with Jessica for dinner. Dan is at Jessica's, I hang out for a few with everyone. Dan takes me to the train in Trenton. Back in New York, I panicked in the cab ride when I couldn't find my wallet. Luckily it was only $20 which I had in my pocket. I arrive home a little after 2am. I found my wallet in the coat pocket I checked 325 times on the way home in the cab. I unpack. Exhausted sick, I fall asleep - instead of preparing for finals. I dream of things, including writing a letter to Dina, which I find really weird, telling, frustrating, a little sad, and mostly embarrassing. A few months ago, a great change occurred in me where I came to some realizations, which at some point I'll be able to articulate, until then, the way I find my dream is the way I find the entire situation. I wake up hallucinating that there are people in my room and I panic until my eyes adjust to the darkness and realize it's just piles of books, cds, and so on. I fall back asleep, oversleep, miss my last actual class for Child Development and Observation. And here is where I am. I should be studying. Here I go.

I'm still awake

2008-12-10T05:09:00.005-05:00

Wednesday 5:23 am
I'm just getting over being sick, so it figures that I can't sleep/rest. I didn't want to take any sleeping aids, cause that makes it really hard for me to get up in the morning and I have a class that starts at 10am. After that, I have a lot of errands to do before I leave. I am looking forward to the ride with Anastasia, we have LOTS to talk about.
It'll be weird, I haven't been in Fort Wayne since May 2007 and that was fairly brief, during the Drowning With Our Anchors tour. I was a different person then. I can't remember the exact amount of time, it seems so long ago - as I write this, specific moments flash and it seems like it happened earlier this evening. A dear friend had just had a baby. This above all hits me the hardest, in terms of time passing by - those first 2 years. I remember Joel, how I was with him nearly everyday for his first 2 years of life. Amazing all that I learned about children. All that I taught him how to do - from walking to reading - and in turn all the things I learned. And all the things I've learned since then makes me anxious for the next opportunity to be that involved with a child.

I hope Nick can fit me in to get some work done. I've had 2 tattoos I've wanted him specifically to do for a long time, one for at least 5 years, and another since right after I saw him back in May when we all got the bone anchor tattoo. I didn't get the other one cause I didn't have the exact artwork with me, and didn't want to settle for something close enough. Now I have it and something relatively new I made up.

oh PJ sings to me "This is kind of about you - This is kind of about me - We just kind of lost our way - But we were looking to be free" - big exhales and sighs and nods of agreement.

I draw parallels with everything...
This is nonsense - at least I can recognize it as such.
I wonder if you're/who is still reading this.

Yesterday, I saw this homeless man stopped on the stairs, desperately trying to make eye contact with anyone that passed him. He looked like a lost child. It was towards the end of rush hour, so it was rather busy. This seems like it should have been easy for him. I noticed everyone that approached him, look down, an attempt to avoid him at all cost. He just kept looking, wanting to be acknowledged by anyone at all. This was all innocently done, and not in an aggressive manner. This all happened in a split second, but easily ten people ignored him. I decided to not only look him in the eye, but also smile at him as I passed by on the stairs - his entire face lit up with a sweet lonely old man smile that could melt the coldest of hearts. Recognition. He continued on his way. I on mine.

This all somehow reminded me of a boy barely above [my] knee height that I noticed a few days ago [I remind you, I'm rather short, so this boy was tiny]. He came running out of the subway exit, to the street level, and he starts trying to kick the three pigeons that were around. Right on dude! I liked him and gave him a thumbs up. I don't think his mom was too pleased with me encouraging this behavior. I got the look, you know the one.

Now imagine if I spent this much effort on all the homework I have to do.

and speaking of home

2008-12-09T21:36:00.003-05:00

I am going back to Indiana to be with our dear friend Chris (P). His mother unexpectedly passed away. She was amazingly supportive of everything Chris did, and since he and I did quite a few things together, she supported things we did. This is what I was getting at in the previous post. Chris is too good of a friend, and we've been through a lot, too much for me not to be there, no matter what it will cost my GPA this semester.

I got lucky with Dan working for the train line from Philly to NYC and back - free rides - both ways. Then Anastasia is driving from there. Most of my professors are actually having study days the last half of this week, except for German - which of course is the class I'm not doing so well in - so I'm not missing too much. Except I have a lot to do for my Child Observation class - yikes!

It's funny, cause this trip comes at an interesting time. I've been contemplating moving back the last couple of weeks. But things are about to get a lot better here. And I have a good variety of groups I interact with - especially in the more intellectual department - that sort of thing simply does not exist back home. And I NEED that, as much as I need people to bounce creative ideas off of - I've yet to find anything remotely close to the level Jarod and I worked at - I was reminded of this a few times this year - when I went to visit for my birthday and we finished up a lot of his artwork for his senior show. And then again, during our reunion shows. He keeps telling me he's moving here, and every time it's farther into the future. Another reality in another time another place. The reason I had been thinking about it is due to me wanting to be nearer friends and their changes - having kids being one of the biggest things and not getting to be a part of that. For a second I missed my family until I informed them that I am coming home, and remembered why I need my space from them, not just emotionally, but also politically, intellectually, and socially.

Things are about to get better because friends of mine are about to move in. I am so looking forward to living with good people again. it's been a long time. No more shitty roommates!!!! Ever again, I won't do it. Nicole rules and I know Natalie and Alex rule a lot. It's hard to believe they are both moving from warmer climates in the middle of the coldest point in the year.

Things are winding down with the semester and I feel the weight peeling off.
I only have 2 weeks break til I start back up again.

debating

2008-12-08T13:56:00.008-05:00

this isn't the place, but know I'm thinking about it and I'm appreciative of the opportunity. - sorry to be vague, but sometimes things need to be processed.
and it's moments like these that I am more concerned about the size of the planet being on the too-big-side, and us not being in the same city anymore. We have an amazing group of friends. sometimes I forget. sometimes I catch myself calling Indiana home.

in other thoughts, this year is coming to a close, thankfully. I wonder how memory will treat this one considering all that it entailed.

here's an original conspiracy theory I just thought up:

2008-12-03T19:32:00.004-05:00

maybe I am completely off my rocker, but seriously...

The current economic "crisis" is staged; It's goal is to get more people to sign up for armed services, because re-instating the draft simply will not work. This way people are more likely to join willingly, instead of by force.
Maybe a bit of a stretch, but reading this - http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/12/03/college.costs/index.html - it clicked.

While I know this isn't completely true, I am sure we will see an increase in enrollment. The estrangement. Had this been due to outside forces, or had a scapegoat, be sure that there would be an invasion to be had. We don't have a convenient outsider to blame. Where is the call to arms? The accountability?

We, the choir, the armchair revolutionaries, will say I told you so, but that's as far as it (ever) goes.

last one for the night/month

2008-11-30T23:55:00.003-05:00

"Tirelessly thought begins from new things, returning in a roundabout way to the same object. This continual pausing for breath is the mode most proper to the process of contemplation." Walter Benjamin, The Origin of the German Tragic Drama

2008-11-30T23:49:00.003-05:00

"Only he who can view his past as an abortion sprung from compulsion and need can use it to full advantage in every present. For what one has lived is at best comparable to a beautiful statue that has had all its limbs broken off in transit, and now yields nothing but the precious block out of which the image of one's future must be hewn." Walter Benjamin - One Way Street.

some things I found/heard/read/saw recently

2008-11-30T21:33:00.003-05:00

- The mediator between the head and hands must be the heart.
- People spoke the same language but could not understand each other.

"Who said that time heals all wounds? It would be better to say that time heals everything except wounds. With time, the hurt of separation loses it's real limits. With time, the desired body has already ceased to exist for the other, then what remains is a disembodied wound." - Samura Koichi

2008-11-29T02:30:00.005-05:00

I admit, I'm part slacker, but also, I tend to take on WAY too many self imposed projects, hardly ever finishing any of them. You're more than welcome to give me a little push, or even a full on righteous kick in the ass, I probably need it and even more so, deserve it.

so tonight, I'm going to keep this window open to remind myself to get some things done. maybe like a gentle nudge.

- I started and finished an art piece - http://flickr.com/photos/excabyss/3066767117/ - I dunno what to call them yet, I do know where I'd like to end up, and til then I'll just keep experimenting - roughly once a month or so.

and I stayed up a lot later than I wanted to talking to my sister - we still are talking. and it's been kinda amazing. She rules, so much, THE best sister in the world. I'd fight you over it and you'd lose.

and I also ordered 5 books - 3 Walter Benjamin, Let the Right One In, and The People of Paper.

a few days ago, I posted three videos from the first reunion show DLA played, we didn't get any footage from the other shows. I mentioned I'd try to fix the audio, well I did, and it was really distorted - I hope to get Keith's footage and hope it's a little better and I'll edit something. I really tried to edit Rob's footage, but the audio is really really blown out, and picked up the bass way too much. normally I'd say, there's no such thing, but really, too much. But I really like the footage, well the look of it and so on. And tonight I added Misplaced I think it was from 176. 08/08/03; Ft Wayne @ the Freedom House - which ended up being the last show there, as far as I know/remember. We pulled out an old one for it. I tried to make us play an old one every time we played there - I think I realized how quickly we were approaching an end of an era. - PS I need to talk to damien/craig.
here are the videos - http://www.vimeo.com/user696585/videos

I sold my 8 track today and am planning on buying a different one - sometime soon. I've been trying to work with this one, and I just don't like it, and I can't edit the old stuff, so it's got to go. So hopefully I don't forget everything. I'm working on about 30 songs right now.

one of my new bands is starting tomorrow. we'll see how that goes.

also one of my teachers who is a doctor is really pushing me and a few kids I worked with on starting an organization based on our presentation. it's kind of amazing the degree she believes in us - but there's no way I can do that, right now. I guess we're going to do some things and see how realistic would be.

sorry my posts have been so all over the place, but this is really an accurate picture of my head and life right now. I hope to get more focused and tell some stories and other essays and such.

I ain't missing you at all.

2008-11-23T15:26:00.004-05:00

Last night (Saturday, November 22), someone not tied to my past what-so-ever and having no idea of my old nickname, which struck me as semi-out of the blue, called me grandpa. I suppose that it is my fate and it will continue to follow me around. But it really makes me wonder, am I really that old and/or grumpy? I'd like to pretend I earned this nickname through my wisdom, and amazing advice.

Tonight (Sunday, November 23), I went to a show and was spoiled with great company, gifts, free food, free drinks, free admission, and on top of all that, Towers played an amazing set, one of my faves from them.

I don't know where I stand in so many areas of life. right now I'm thinking about a few individuals. With one in particular I have been interacting with a lot and I'm getting really comfortable with having that person around, even if it's just me talking that persons ear off, which leads me to think I'm going to develop stronger feelings, which will lead to disappointment, I already know, but I can see it happening all the same. I'll admit it, it was the same person that called me grandpa on Saturday night. Another person I haven't had any contact with for a long time and that makes me even more bitter than I already was (adding to my grumpy nature, and overall grandpa-ishness). Another individual I had around a lot over summer and I miss a lot more than I expected. There are a few others that I miss a lot. There are two specific people that I am anxious for their arrival.
Can I be any more vague?

I picked up Rob's video footage that he shot of our first reunion show, from the end of August - the audio is not good, the video is great - it made me miss the boys sooooooooo much. we played a lot better than I thought we did. I might be able to fix the audio or something to share it. if nothing else it will add some alternate angles if I ever get Keith's footage.

I'm cold and tired and missing you.

Get Hustle

2008-11-19T11:46:00.005-05:00

Get Hustle is this band that is still active from Portland. Here are their first releases - almost 10 years old. I don't think they are in print anymore. GSL had talked about releasing them on a CD but, sadly they closed their doors earlier last year.
Their first 2 releases were not as bordering on the free jazz territory their more recent material seems to flirt with.

Get Hustle first lp and 7"
Satan Be Gone is one of my all time favorite songs. There is something really amazingly sexy that is captured in this song. It feels like a throwback to old jazz around the birth of R&B and such. Also I've Got A Gun and I'm Excited is pretty sweet.

I saw Get Hustle and Joan of Arc at the Volcano Room, in Indianapolis in... it had to have been 2000, I can't remember. Amazing live band. Both of them at that time were awesome. it was an odd pairing, but rad.

Ron Avila was in Antioch Arrow, Holy Molar + some other bands that were ok, at least at the time. I'm not sure about the other members, but you know... it matters.

700 trillion says he will keep the change

2008-11-17T23:49:00.009-05:00

Sure it's easy to be critical, but that is such a necessary part of what keeps things progressing.

I came across the following doing some research on a paper I need to finish on Robert Jensen's article "The Greatest Nation on Earth" - which is, in short, a critique of anyone, or any nation to claim that they are the greatest (individual or nation). Jensen claims anyone who states such is “either mentally unstable or he’s an asshole” he goes on to say these claims are "depraved and dangerous."

I would disagree and point to Muhammad Ali. It's subjective, of course. I also feel one of the greatest tragedies to ever occur is the assassination of Malcolm X. It's something I always come back to for inspiration - his level of personal change that he accomplished during his lifetime, is by far a perfect example of our potential for greatness. Anyway, I'm off topic, kinda... change, greatness, and so on...

Robert Jensen is a respected journalism professor at the Univesity of Texas at Austin, an author, and a political activist.

This comes in a later chapter of his book - "Citizens of the Empire: The Struggle to Claim Our Humanity"

"... the Soviet Union was a global military threat to our existence was a political weapon to frighten Americans into endorsing wars to suppress independent development in the Third World and accepting a permanent wartime economy. With the Soviet Union gone, American planners needed a new justification to keep the military machine running. International terrorism and threats from drug traffickers were tested as rationales during the 1980s as the Soviet threat receded. In the 1990s, talk of "humanitarian interventions" also became a justification for a bloated military that was far beyond the level needed for defense. On 9/11, the vague terrorism justification became tangible for everyone. So, even if nonmilitary approaches to terrorism are more viable, the rationale for ever larger defense spending was set."

It IS time for a change.
What's the old cliche about a sinking ship and taking in more water than you can bail out?

art, truth, and death.

2008-11-17T13:54:00.002-05:00

"The Truth is always an abyss. Man is condemned not to die, but to live. I'm fighting the most hopeless battle there is."
"Against whom?" I ask.
"Against myself."
- Kafka to a friend

"We have art in order to not die of truth."
- Nietzsche

Carol

2008-11-15T18:09:00.004-05:00

Carol was this band from Germany. I don't know too much about them.
They are somehow tied with the whole Bremen scene and the bands Acme, Systral, Minon, Metöke, and Mörser.

as an aside:
I saw Mörser at Columbus fest a few years ago - the one with those total bullshit safe spaces, I think 1999. Whatever. Pretty funny and good sense of humor, and there were a lot of members in the band. 2 guitarists, 2 bass players, 3 singers and a drummer.

here are 5 songs that are out of print and hard to find of, as far as I know, all of their recorded output. I have at one time or another heard they had some unreleased stuff, but rumors run amok.
Carol - 5 Songs

2008-11-13T23:12:00.001-05:00

I've got nothing. Come back some other time.

2008-11-03T14:03:00.005-05:00

I fixed the files for Fragments For Walter Benjamin. I broke it up into 4 parts. I tried to edit it in sections that made sense, but I didn't want to spend that much time on it. I really encourage my friends to watch this.

Two releases for the label are planned.
First is Morrow's first full length. we're doing a limited run on cd and hope that it gets picked up by another label. then I'll press the vinyl.
Second is a tribute record to Dinosaur Jr's You're Living All Over Me. bands include, Morrow, me (haven't decided on the name), Skything, Algernon Cadwallader, Drowning With Our Anchors + more TBA. we have 5 of the 9 songs accounted for. This will not be out until around my birthday. I haven't decided the medium either.

I don't know about my travel plans to visit everyone. I'm going to Hawaii in February for a few days. In May/June I might be going to Japan with a band, more details will be announced and stuff soon. So next year, it might be everyone coming to see me.

Never go into things with high expectations. I should remember this, but I was so stoked on the movie, Let The Right One In - it didn't disappoint, but I wanted more devastation, more loneliness, more alienation. It's still all of these things, just not what I expected.

I keep forgetting to mention that I named the song the Morrow (from Dead Letter Auction's last 5 songs) after the movie Gattaca (which is one of my favorites) - Michael Nyman who did the amazing soundtrack for that movie, also had a song called the Morrow. This was named after Jerome Morrow (Jude Law's character). I would like to think that the band Jerome's Dream was also related to this movie, even though I only like 1/2 of one of their songs (untitled number 2). Jarod named his band Morrow, after the DLA song. So you can see the tracing of an impact. However insignificant you think you are, might have been, it lasts lifetimes, and goes far beyond your immediate understanding. People you'll never even meet, will be influenced by something someone else was influenced by.

Anyway, midterms, up to my neck in work, which I need to get back to.

random thoughts

2008-10-31T13:29:00.004-04:00

"To the person who thinks with his head life is a comedy. To those who think with their feelings, or work through their feelings, life is a tragedy."
- Henry Miller

it's Halloween. I don't remember what I did last year, or the year before... I haven't cared since I was a young kid.

The death of mystery. This year, I've been doing a lot of that, murdering mystery. Take for example time travel. It's just not worth it, you can't change anything, but these things change you.

My mind is seriously messy. Near exhaustion / burnt out.

I had so many things I meant to say or do... save it for later, if it comes back to me.

Fragments for Walter Benjamin

2008-10-21T22:24:00.010-04:00

Walter Bendix Schönflies Benjamin (July 15, 1892 – September 27, 1940) was a German-Jewish writer that wrote many essays, critiques, memoirs, letters, and short stories. He also translated many works, and was a philosopher that was associated with the Frankfurt School (basically, a perfect human being).

I came across this movie, "One Way Street: Fragments for Walter Benjamin" trying to find out how to buy the documentary "Who Killed Walter Benjamin" - a ridiculously expensive movie - but don't worry, I bought it.

This movie runs 58 minutes and has kinda cheesy scenes, but what's to be expected from 1992?
I will definitely watch it a few times, to get more out of it, I was really excited that the initial viewing was more caught in the moment of being giddy, rather than paying attention. Yes, I am that much of a nerd, that I nerd out, over nerd stuff.

I tried to do some research on the film, and results returned are from all over the place. Movies with the same name, shorter versions, different directors, different languages, different companies and so on. Which is fitting for the subject of the film.

The title is perfect as Walter left behind what many essentially call a perfect masterpiece, had it been completed.

I'm a little more interested in the other documentary "Who Killed Walter Benjamin" but haven't received it yet. I'll probably have a showing at my house when it arrives for me, my new roommates, and a few others.

anyway, I compressed this down into mp4 to share with my Frankfurt School professor I had over the summer. And if you're interested at all in anything Jewish, German, historical, or intellectual, or things that really, truly interest and move me - you can watch it too. Be warned, it will take a good amount of time to download it.

One Way Street: Fragments For Walter Benjamin part 1
One Way Street: Fragments For Walter Benjamin part 2
One Way Street: Fragments For Walter Benjamin part 3
One Way Street: Fragments For Walter Benjamin part 4

- in the event anyone involved with this project has a problem with me sharing it, you need to re-read Walter Benjamin.

can I get a...?

2008-10-21T14:03:00.005-04:00

regime change.
I'm pretty stoked on all 3 new roommates.
Just have to survive 2 more months.
A good test on my patience for sure.
Slightly related, I'm in the market for an air purifier.
My OCD is getting worse when it comes to cleanliness.
Lot's of info out there that doesn't really tell me much of anything.

I have a serious problem with buying books. This year I have bought well over 60 books, and spent more than $2000 - and I am not exaggerating. I continue to buy them, even though I don't have time to read them.

Projects continue to pile up!
I am releasing at least one record VERY soon. I will make announcements when it's ok to do so. There are some more releases that are down the road a bit. And a slight possibility of something that would be the most amazing thing ever, well for me.

2008-10-19T23:29:00.004-04:00

in context:
what you were and what you are, are two very distinct and very different things.

unrelated:
stop existing as a distraction.

listening:
last.fm/user/DamianHade

reading:
Walter Benjamin and Max Horkheimer until I have read everything they have published. Anything not translated, I will do myself.

watching:
the same movies over and over again (when movies go completely digital, and the TV is hooked up through the internet you'll see - make this website now, get ahead of the game).

living:
all over me

out of context:
I misuse you

related:
no one specific

it's like learning a new language

2008-10-16T23:35:00.003-04:00

oh man.
impulsivity at it's finest, I re-launched the website (as previously mentioned). It's fun looking back at all that stuff that was so long ago. I forget about some of the reviews some of the releases received. I also have to relearn all the web programming languages, and apparently there are some new ones out there. I do have a lot of things I need to get up there.

and speaking of languages, I'm struggling with German. Well not really, actually.
It's not that hard, it's just I need to dedicate more time.
I don't really like my professor's overall approach, I like aspects, but, eh... I also really dislike the book Hunter uses, a few members of the German Department wrote it themselves, and frankly, it's not very good. I've been picking up other books here and there, and they are far more helpful. Though typically they are a slightly different dialect, so it doesn't really help me in my class. Maybe I should actually focus on school instead of my other studies, artwork, and other writings.

I have officially stepped down as Marketing Director from my job, and am now just general awesome assistant / marketing coordinator. I really hope this allows me to chill out and have more time for breathing, visiting, reading, writing.

I'm also interviewing people to move in. One room available to replace the bartender that was never here. In January the couple is out, and a friend from Miami moves in.
So that leaves one more room to fill in January. Kinda excited about this.

I keep trying to find my footing in relation to establishing foundations of many things. I am impatient, and want to get there. This is applicable to so many endeavors in my life. I want to get into the heart of the subjects, getting into more theoretical aspects. While this is super frustrating I recognize the importance of foundations. At the same time, often times, these foundations are common sense, therefor making me even more impatient, wanting to skip over a lot of important material.

Google Analytics has been providing some interesting returns on visitors from all over the world. it's kinda crazy how specific it gets. I can tell which of my friends are or are not reading this, and how regularly they check in. it goes back to a previous entry where I touched on the thought I had on the internet as the panopticon.

Help is always on the way.

excursionsintotheabyss.com relaunched!

2008-10-14T21:48:00.003-04:00

so I relaunched the site today.
I'm still going to be using this as a blog.
The label things will be back up in their proper order,
everything will be working by the end of the year.

I did upload a folder of 15 songs by post DLA bands I was in; Arrows, Optics, Our Past Projects, and a few solo songs by me. and some other media.

www.excursionsintotheabyss.com.

Maps

2008-10-12T18:48:00.010-04:00

one of the many projects I've been working on is a map of all the places I've ever played.
It's related to the list of shows post.

Google map, of all the places I've played.

It's nowhere near even complete, and barely even started actually, so it shouldn't read "all the places I've played" - but maybe I'll finish it, someday.
It does have all the Cataract Falls and Red Heroine shows done. A few each for Drowning With Our Anchors, and Dead Letter Auction.
Where possible, I noted exact address / venue.
Sometimes we played in the same venue multiple times.

With friends like these, who wouldn't need friends?

2008-10-11T16:14:00.005-04:00

Somewhat inspired by Craig's post on his blog and listening to Gogogo Airheart's Love My Life, Hate My Friends as well as some of Jeremy's new photos ...

I'm pretty proud of 99% of my friends' accomplishments.
I've surrounded myself with creative and intelligent people, intentionally.
I think, despite our distances, we feed quite well off each other, even to this day.

Most of all, I'm proudest of the ones I have been closest with. Coincidentally or not, at one time or another we were all in some form of band or music project, or at least one step away from doing so, ie I never actually played music with Damien, but he was in Mortadusk with Craig, and Craig was in Arrows/the last incarnation of Dead Letter Auction, we also had a few other bands that didn't take flight. Also all the boys in Philly (Towers, Peter & Craig, Algernon Cadwallader, etc), we haven't worked together directly yet, but Greg Fowler was in a band that had members of Burial Year, and Josh was in Burial Year, as well as in Dead Letter Auction, a few times, and I was in Drowning With Our Anchors.

Jarod has been in a band called Morrow for quite some time.
I have a press release I'm finishing up with the band that I'll post here, once completed. I've had the full length for a few months now, and can't wait for it's release. It's nothing short of genius, beautiful, heartfelt, honest, and amazing. It makes me pretty excited about music in general again, and that's getting harder and harder to do these days. I will probably be pushing it pretty heavily. I've made mention of it a few times. Jarod recently hinted at us working together really soon again. We have started doing some artwork collaborations through the mail.

Josh has a new band, he sent me a song from a practice, and it's amazing. I believe it's called Pills. It's with Steve Middlekauff, whom incidentally was at a Red Heroine show in Ann Arbor (04.06.01; Ann Arbor, MI; the Pirate House). And at that show a friend of Steve's gave us a free drum set, which of course, caused many fights amongst that band (as if we needed any more reasons to fight). Josh asked me to move to San Francisco to play bass for it, and while tempting, I can't leave New York, yet - I'll get to why eventually on here, and it's not solely school related. Drowning with our Anchors is still rocking it, they are touring Europe next year.

I'm anxious and hopeful that Craig (Phillips) will start a new band with Damien during their time in Portland.

I've become rather close with Portraits of Past, which is strange is some ways. There is talk of them touring Japan and Europe in the summer. They are playing Dude Fest '09, and that means I'm actually going back to Indiana for that.

There are a few others that I'm super proud of, and we'll get to them, someday.

I'm in the process of writing some actual stories that look back at the history of some of these projects, (as well as updating/finishing the few already shared) and look forward to sharing them soon.

The medium is the message

2008-10-08T23:20:00.008-04:00

The new computer arrived this morning.
I was so excited about it, that it caused me to be 2 hours late for work. Way to go technology. I was under the impression you were supposed to make things run smoother, more efficiently, in turn making me on time.
I am currently organizing my pictures and movie files, music is already done, for now. I have to redo quite a lot of the things I thought were finished for the video project I have been working on and off and on again for the past 5 years. It's partly why I bought this thing. Good memories in the videos and photos. I found a few gems that I had long forgotten about (multiple years forgotten).

I can't help but think of the few Marx essays I've read in connection with the collapse of many economic systems around the world. I only hope for accountability for accountants, CEOs, etc, essentially. Whatever, I'm keeping the system afloat, with all these new technological purchases, yet I actually want to see it fail.

I've been doing research for an essay on love. Recently, I have found some interesting things connecting depression, OCD, and addiction, to love. Which makes absolutely perfect sense to me. Anyone who knows anything about me knows I fall in love fairly easily - though it's been a while, well just a little more than a year and a half, that's not so long, and almosts never count, and neither do objects, nor do previous positions held. Anyway, point being, it's interesting to say the least, but not something that one doesn't inherently know or understand.

Speaking of critical analysis, I also want to work on this long standing thesis I've had on the failings of punk rock. I was listening to some older stuff, a band called Life's Blood (pre-Born Against), in particular, and just was really turned off by the production first and foremost (could you imagine if Minor Threat had such shitty production, no one would have become straight edge). The message I think they were going for lead me to be reminded of other bands from that era, and their talk of revolution, etc. Revolution my ass. The message is the medium, the medium is the message. How something as intense, interesting, intelligent, and critical of a message punk has as a whole, gets construed for laziness and drunkenness, is beyond me. Right, you sure are showing the man, you showed 'em real good. By no means am I not saying have fun, etc. but these things don't equate.

Another scholarship was sent to me today. It's kinda amazing.

Longing for returns.

the good, the bad

2008-10-01T20:34:00.003-04:00

well the 8 track arrived this morning.
but get this, it only has one tape speed at 9.5, instead of having both tape speeds, the other being 4.8. I only recorded 2 things at 9.5 in my life. so it's almost worthless. However, a friend said I could borrow his to go through the tapes. He's a jackass, cause he knows I've been wanting to do this for a long time, he could have saved me a bit of change. so we'll see if that works out, if not I'm kinda determined, so I'll probably just buy another one.
I will start demoing new stuff this weekend.

Oh, I got another raise today!

anywho...
Craig, let me know if you're safely settled in Portland.
I have some wicked travel plans for winter break and then a huge announcement for summer.

There are other things, I'll share them later...

yes cheating to fulfill self imposed regulations.

2008-09-30T18:43:00.005-04:00

is this really completion?
does it really count?

oh cryptic messages to unlistening ears.
conversations could complete these thoughts.

"so where are you now"

completely isolated, and has absolutely nothing to do with my purchasing of an 8 track, in fact he doesn't even know about my blog, Chris called me tonight to inform me that he is backing up all of his dats etc and found me and Jarod's first recording session from 1997, and he is going to send that to me. This has been lost for a long time. We did release the acoustic version of "Housebroken" on his benefit compilation cd "East Timor" - which raises a lot of issues in it self. maybe I'll get there and point out what should be obvious - but anyway, we recorded 4 or 5 other songs. at least one other one I might be proud of. it's hard to remember that long ago. anyway, once I get it, I may or may not share it with you. 'til then, take care.

quota

2008-09-29T21:29:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I think I am surrounded by insects masquerading as men for some diabolical reason ... Henry Miller.

self service

2008-09-28T23:10:00.006-04:00

I have (finally) purchased an 8 track cassette recorder. Actually it is the last model that was in production before it all went digital, which is to say, multi-track cassette recorders are no longer being made. It should arrive later this week. I'm finally going to go through a lot of my old tapes; a few of you have seen the box of recorded material I have, and know this will be a task, some of it goes back 15 years. There are some really fun things in that box, some I'm sure I will cringe at and even destroy, I hope to find a few specific things. I'm going to finish the Rebellion's New Idol stuff and get that sent out before the end of the year. And since bringing it up a few weeks ago, I'm anxious to listen to the xcongressofthecrowx tape for the first time since recording it. Also, this will lead to me getting some demos done of some of my newer stuff. I am pretty excited about all of this, hence this post.

Now that my laptop has officially crapped out on me (the logic board is dead), I have a new computer coming later this week. So hopefully I get to some of the video stuff I started work on a few years ago, among other things.

I just got offered a nice scholarship for making the Dean's List. There are a few things I have to figure out, but will pretty much cover all of my expenses and then some.

With that, I leave asking that you continue learning and not just things that have to do with your job(s), or life lessons accidentally learned; please be in pursuit, passionately.

fragmented

2008-09-24T22:11:00.007-04:00

... in vain attempts to quantify exaltation, and every escaped occurrence of these utterances fail. Truth does not exist in this realm; go ahead and tell another lie.

taken out of context to paint a picture

2008-09-20T20:44:00.002-04:00

It's the inside of a watch functioning perfectly in an incredible chaos.

They are cruel in the way children are cruel. They walk over you to reach for a new toy...

To speak well one must have an appreciative audience.

Somewhere there is a leak in you. Until it is repaired you can never become the great human being which you are.

A little sympathy, that's what's needed. Better to be wrong, better to be unjust, than to turn your back on sympathy.

He is interested in the theory of medicine, not the art of therapy.

all taken from Aller Retour New York, by Henry Miller.

Red HeroiNe

2008-09-15T21:39:00.020-04:00

I don't remember much at this point.
well that's not true (I just don't know how much you don't care to know).
it was summer 2000.
Jeremy, Eddie and I had a band called xcongressofthecrowx. (congress of the crow is a sexual position, I'm sure I tried to teach it to you at some point). we were a straightedge band. The three of us were supposed to share vocal duties, but it really came down to me doing it. I wasn't that into it, I mean it was fun, but I wanted to play and not have to worry about yelling and such, considering I decided I didn't want to scream in bands anymore, and I had Dead Letter Auction (well actually at that point I think we were on a break). We recorded and released an eight song demo limited to 20. Well Jeremy did all of this. I actually didn't want it released. But anyway.
So, with fall approaching, John Cheesebrew was added to the fold. John has never been straight edge. So we changed the name to red heroine.
we adopted a few xcongressofthecrowx songs and built on the sound. oddly enough we fit in perfectly with the other bands that were coming out of Indiana at the time (and in many cases are far superior and hold up way better than they do), though we had nothing to do with them, and didn't even really like them as people or even musically. we really did call our music "aftermath rock" (a play on the "mathrock" label (attributed to weird time signatures), as well as an homage to dr dre, as well as aftermath being chaos, etc) and "eddiemetal" (a play on heavy metal as well as an homage to Iron Maiden, as well as our band member). I was doing a noise project at the time called, The Rebellion's New Idol (I'm not going to explain this one, but in part, there's a bit part homage to Star Wars (before it started sucking)), and we really wanted to add elements of that (hence the end of the last track of the Mangus Meets His End cd - the noise throughout the cd was intentionally added by mike dixon - though I do believe he edited parts from our noise movement). I think if we had continued we would have added even more of that aspect. (in fact I have some tapes of me and Eddie making noise pieces) (I really need to get a 4 track to edit/digitize some of these things).

at some point, John McCormick joined the band on 2nd guitar (unfortunately, you can barely hear him on the live track).

honestly we were a really dysfunctional band. we didn't really get along with each other. there were major 2 way cliques amongst us. Some people would say Jeremy was the worst drummer they had ever seen (I tried really hard to shelter him from these comments, and they obviously never saw skullyard (of which, I was the drummer)). we would fight each other on and off stage and all that. totally ridiculous. on the tour, John (mccormick) and I took our own van to avoid the other boys as much as possible. this ensued in insane highway hijinks that make Quentin Tarantino look like an amateur.

but whatever, we had a lot of fun, we played a few shows (you can follow the following link to see them - list of shows). recorded twice with Mike Dixon, once in Bloomington (mangus meets his end). Once in the Psi Ote Barn in Northside park (the 2 unreleased songs). and we had one song we didn't record (but a live version is included in the download, it's from our second to last show, at the YWCA before Kim opened and closed her record shop, Convolution Records).

so here's all 10 songs:
red heroine discography
and here are some photos

yes this post is full of jackassery and it is dedicated to Craig (he was in a band called Mortadusk that ruled Fort Wayne more than any other band EVER [and someone really should do it to him already]), he requested the red heroine stuff today via a facebook message, and I've been meaning to do this for Jeremy for about 3.5 years.

Excavation and Memory

2008-09-15T13:57:00.003-04:00

Language has unmistakably made plain that memory is not an instrument for exploring the past, but rather a medium. It is the medium of that which is experienced, just as earth is the medium in which ancient cities lie buried. He who seeks to approach his own buried past must not be afraid to return again and again to the same matter; to scatter it as one scatters earth, to turn it over as one turns over the soil. For the "matter itself" is no more than the strata which yield their long-sought secrets only to the most meticulous investigation. That is to say, they yield those images that, severed from all earlier associations, reside as treasures in the sober rooms of our later insights - like torsos in a collector's gallery. It is undoubtedly useful to plan excavations methodically. Yet no less indispensable is the cautious probing of the spade in the dark loam. And the man who merely makes an inventory of his findings, while failing to establish the exact location of where in today's ground the ancient treasures have been stored up, cheats himself of his richest prize. In this sense, for authentic memories, it is far less important that the investigator report on them than that he mark, quite precisely, the site where he gained possession of them. Epic and rhapsodic in the strictest sense, genuine memory must therefore yield an image of the person who remembers, in the same way a good archaeological report only informs us about the strata from which its findings originate, but also gives an account of the strata which first had to be broken through.
Walter Benjamin - Selected Writings Volume 2:2 1927-1934

a day old(er)

2008-09-14T00:31:00.013-04:00

I woke up early. too early.
familiarity.

class is ok. actually, no it's not. this class and one other specifically have some really down right stupid people in attendance. fine, people have their stories and opinions, but please don't speak aloud about things you are clearly wrong about. it's just unacceptable and it's a waste of money.

I agree to meet a familiar face for some errands.
late arrival, as usual.
I expected this.
walk to the East River for a seat. we talk about moms, well not mine.
I am being vague and avoiding, here, as well as then.
Run into another face.
what are you up to.
work and school.
oh what for.
well, teaching.
yeah, that makes perfect and total sense.
I know, that's what everyone tells me. It's something I've always wanted to do.
yeah, it suits you.

part ways with familiar faces.
return.
I attempt to write and do homework.
instead I fall asleep.

Meet a friend and his friend to go to the Dreamhouse, per another friend's suggestion.
We arrive, it's closed. I had my suspicions of this ahead of time. Yet took no action to confirm. (it re-opens on the 20th of September).
What now?
He "Hey let's walk around"
Me "OK"
The three of us end up in Soho. there's a Street Fair.
She's home.
Shadows.
Last year she described this as a scene out of "Blade Runner." to an extent, I see where she was coming from and even agree.
Shook off the dust and moved onward.
Just outside of where she and I had one of our first dates to see an old friend drunkly shout out some songs (oh what a night that was in itself!); current company and I were supposed to play here with our old bands - that didn't work out, we're both too lazy and don't care enough, and this venue didn't get it. All of a sudden someone is shouting her name, repeatedly and loudly. My heart sinks again, but it's not her, just coincidence. Of course. Yet again.
when it rains it pours.

The three of us walked the Williamsburg Bridge. I did this one other time, and it had everything to do with her; I had to walk the tension off after spending the day with her shopping, seeing a movie, touching, and flirting. Here and then each step lifting and adding unbearable weight. each step bringing me closer to and farther from.

I notice and remember these things and instantly regret I do.
at the same time, no I don't.

a few days ago, a friend and I were conversing about her friends heartache and that she was making baked goods to cheer him up. I use this opportunity to say I want baked goods as well. She tells me I'm obsessed, and I let out a laugh and too much information. yes perhaps. She meant that I always want free stuff and to be taken care of.
(m)ending.
I continue to wear it on my sleeves, at the very least, I still have one to wear.

A gust

2008-09-03T00:45:00.005-04:00

I've fallen a bit behind on things, considering, I'm sure you'll forgive me.
With the passing of whatever holiday that just did so, I declare that Summer is officially over. And what a way to end it!

It's hard to express just how much the last week of August meant to me. (the entire month actually - starting off in San Francisco visiting friends AND seeing Portraits of Past, then Liann and Sara being here, then the boys arriving - though I could have done without the news from home).

I finished another class with a B. I guess that's fine because I missed so many classes I should have failed, but I'm me. I hated the class and thought it was a huge waste of time, I felt that way about 2/3 of my summer classes; I took Health, Speech, and the Frankfurt School. Guess which one I adored?

I guess I should start with the fact that I love the members of Dead Letter Auction with all of my heart and soul. They are my best friends and I can say without hesitation that I love them unconditionally and would do whatever I could for them. So to get to play a few shows with them again was amazing, and even very much needed. I'm a little bummed John Cheesebrew couldn't make it, it would have been awesome to be able to play with both drummers at the same time; I always wanted that to happen.

Portraits of Past were a band that meant a lot to me. I listened to this record at least once a day for at least five years straight, and still revisit it quite regularly. It captures so much of how I felt musically, atmospherically, and especially lyrically. If I were younger I probably would quote certain passages here, but being older I realize one that's silly, two I don't think I can limit myself to a passage, and three I like lists. So for them to reunite, was kind of amazing. I am quite positive that I am the only person that caught all 5 reunion shows. I sat on stage for all five, like a dork, not out of entitlement, or selfishness, but out of a sense of needing to. A lot of people asked if Jonah and I are brothers, his actual brother looks nothing like him.

In the few days leading up to the shows, a local New Yorker posted a picture of a roommate of xxxx. Weird to say the least. He and I had a few messages back and forth, but left it at, I am not interested in hearing about her this way, or in this light. I like my memories of us, and I'm going to keep them. nine months ago, nine months prior to that and I never even knew of such things. A shadow of a former self.

Jarod and John arrived much earlier than Chris. We hung out, went to some parties, caused some trouble. I touched Nora Jones' hand and arm. The boys and I told stories, laughed, and I nearly cried almost every night (it's me, of course this happened).
When Chris arrived we went straight to practice, it was awkward for some reason, not because of Chris, but because it was so late and we were all somewhat exhausted already.

The shows themselves were a lot of fun. I am convinced that every other show we ever played was good, then bad, then awesome. ie we played Wednesday it was good. Thursday was awful, Friday was awesome - I couldn't have asked for a better show, aside from some friends and other certain people being there. You know who you are. I do. There were a few "indie rock celebrities" at our shows, but they didn't do anything for me. they don't move me like you do. After the show on Friday, a younger man approached me and said "I've been waiting years to see you guys play, thank you so much" I didn't know what to say, a part of me thought maybe he thought I was Jonah, but knew that wasn't true as they hadn't played yet, and we don't really look that much alike, I just don't always believe these things (but we all know how I hold on to them) "Man, you totally just blew my mind, THANK YOU." It was already all worth it on so many levels, but this is awesome.
It was well documented in pictures, however video was only taken at the first show; with 2 cameras. I lost my voice the first night. so the second two shows were interesting, so maybe it's good that they were not filmed.
I dunno, it made me miss being in a band, and I guess I'm going to try harder to get one going again. Then again, when you've had what you wanted, why go chasing for something else? I have plans, but I need to realize life is short and I can't possibly accomplish all of these things.

I crashed hard after everyone left. All of a sudden, I wake up and there's no one to cook for, no one to entertain, no one to distract me. I've been off medication for about 2 months now. These first few days have been hard at moments, but I think I'm in a much better place. Sure I still have OCD tendencies that focus on aspects that I don't understand. I wish I was the type that was more concerned with being more organized, because my apartment and room are a mess from being awesome, but no, I'm cursed with obsessing over memories etc. Someday I'll admit to these things thoroughly, 'til then we're both left with just a thought.

and back to school.
after German class I went back to work. Lou Reed, John Zorn, and Mike Patton played a show. weird. Mike is a friend of friends, but I didn't want to be bothered with him. both Macaulay and Kieran Culkin were drinking in the office with me and other coworkers, I think my mom would be impressed.

I'm skipping class to write this, one because I don't know where today's class meets, two I had to do laundry, three I need some time off to process everything, four yes that is what this is. five, I still like lists. I imagine I will revisit this and edit it. speaking of I have to add some shows to the list of shows I have played.

containment

2008-08-22T14:50:00.003-04:00

I'm at work. but I'm just too excited.
Jarod and John are practicing in Indiana.
They arrive tomorrow.
I'm so excited to be playing music with my favorite people in the world.
Chris and I played in a short lived band earlier this year.
What's even better is we're playing with some of my favorite bands.

upcoming shows.

2008-08-18T15:19:00.002-04:00

Wednesday, August 27 @ Brooklyn Cat House
7pm $7
...Who Calls So Loud
Dead Letter Auction
Algernon Cadwallader
Towers
the Blue Letter

Thursday, August 28, 2008
Brooklyn, NY @ the Charleston
...Who Calls So Loud
Dead Letter Auction
the Blue Letter
+ special guest!!![um yes it is Portraits of Past]

9pm $7

Friday, August 29th @ Death By Audio
9pm $8
Portraits of Past
Ampere
Dead Letter Auction
Tropic of Nelson

Saturday, August 30 @ the Cake Shop
6pm $8
Portraits of Past
Ampere
Off Minor

return return return

2008-08-05T22:26:00.003-04:00

I am back, I have way too much to catch up on.
The friends, the food, the shows were all amazing, and everything was well worth it.
Sometimes this place is too big.
Thank you for everything.

patterns hold me as a prisoner

2008-07-31T17:25:00.002-04:00

my sleeves are too tight and I need new tricks.

Printed Portraits of Past posters

2008-07-31T17:20:00.000-04:00

San Francisco

2008-07-31T17:13:00.002-04:00

So I'm a total idiot and missed my plane to SF yesterday, due to some asinine assumptions - had to get a different flight, luckily for free, but that required me to spend the night in the Houston airport. oh boredom. I finished a book, at least.
Lack of sleep and all that, but I've arrived, it's kinda chilly. I kinda like it.
It snuck up on me yesterday en route, and I'm glad I'll be distracted the rest of the month.

upcoming shows!

2008-07-22T23:40:00.014-04:00

Dead Letter Auction is playing 2 shows in NYC:

Wednesday, August 27
the Brooklyn Cat House
7pm $7
Who Calls So Loud?
Dead Letter Auction
Algernon Cadwallader
Towers
the Blue Letter

Friday, August 29
Death By Audio
9pm $8
Portraits of Past
Ampere
Dead Letter Auction
Tropic of Nelson

<-- yes this is the Portraits of Past poster.
I will post an actual photo of the printed versions when I get them back, next week.
The T-shirts will be posted shortly.

Dead Lettter Auction - Press (old)

2008-07-19T09:35:00.004-04:00

since the website expired a few years ago, a lot of this stuff is not available anymore. Since we're playing a few shows (possibly three now), and some more upcoming press events, I thought I'd get this up. I'm pretty sure I'm relaunching the website soon.

Press:
whatzup article - 6/29/00

from geekass.com:
....Dead Letter Auction was next, and they made the show. Their sound was great, they played really really well, and are one of the better bands I've seen locally in some time. It's too bad that the turnout for the show was so small. I bet they had less than 30 kids total show up including bands. That's got to be a bummer for bands who are touring. And when 60% of the audience hugs the walls it must just suck. And yes, I am a hypocrite as I do the same thing most of the time. But when a band is ON and sounds good and you enjoy their stuff you have to support them and get up front. At any rate if you weren't there you missed a great band from Indiana who'll probably NEVER play in the area again. Good job you lazy fuckers. Way to support the scene.

pitchforkmedia.com review also deserves to be listed here

Song Meanings. ---> ?
we got a vote for best album?

Romancing the Actors 7"

MRR # 208 (le shok graces the cover)
three songs of early to mid 90's influences emocore not unlike CURRENT of CHINO HORDE. the guitars are a bit fuzzy and they seem to suffer from the poor recording. the songs sound like they should be much louder and heavier than the record lets out. other than that, it seems to work well. Forced vocals over driving guitar and drums that are catchy as well.
- this record made a top ten list, in this issue too.

MRR # 243 (August 2003)
Dead Letter Auction plays mid paced Ebullition-style melodic hardcore. Minor chords and tortured vocals. Maybe Yaphett Kotto meets Current with less power. The songs just kind of drag on and don't do much for me. A solid effort, no doubt. Will Risk

heartattack # 27
melodic sounding emo (screamo?)hardcore with good, personal lyrics. i like this a lot.

action|attack|helicopter
This is good stuff. Before I saw this band, I had high expectations. I wasn't disappointed. They were amazing. Dead Letter Auction reminds me a lot of Four Hundred Years. They pull off the sing-scream high emotion vocals quite well. The three songs on this are very creative, and I especially enjoy the harmonica intro to"recurrent." Also, this is printed on neat red vinyl, really cool packaging. This is my favorite recording so far. They also have a CDEP.

no karma
Hailing from the surprisingly cool little city of Fort Wayne Indiana, Dead Letter Auction play a rhythmically explosive type of emotional hardcore. Dual vocals (usually one screamed and the other shouted) and passionate lyrics push this a notch above the other young bands in the genre.
(from no karma)

collective zine (UK)
Not sure if these guys are still going, but I hope so, as this 7" shows a lot of potential, even if it isn't unfeasibly amazing in it's own right. "Throw The Towel In" is the first song, and it's loaded with strained vocals, screamed backups and rumbling guitars that never get overly melodic, nor thumpingly hardcore. Just somewhere in between. Musically they seriously give off a vibe of stuff like Portraits of Past. That sort of moody, depressed sounding emo. It's a touch repetetive on this track, but it's headed in the right direction for me. There are two more tracks on the flipside of this red slice o' vinyl, "Recurrent" gets a touch more melodic, but still has those ever so sad sounding vocals. Poor chap, he sounds very distressed indeed. Finally we have "Of Crowds And Curtains, For Example", which is much more chaotic and heavy, with screamier vocals too. A definite Shotmaker thing going on, though it lacks that bands groove (about the only thing they need to be a bona fide excellent emo band). They have a rockin' 3 track CDR out too. limited to 200 copies and it has slightly better production, a little more direction and sounds like Amber Inn crossed with Constatine Sankathi. Good luck finding it though, heh. Overall this is good emo stuff that anyone into the style will definitely appreciate and want to hear. Why there is a freaky 3 second emo-violence "hidden track" on side A though, I'll never know… Andy Malcolm

Vertigo CD

action|attack|helicopter - November 2002
From Fort Wayne, Indiana, comes what is probably the best truly independent, unsigned act in the state. Yeah, we've got Mellencamp, Songs: Ohia, Suicide Note and more, but Dead Letter Auction are truly indie artists, releasing much of their material on their very own [excursions into the abyss] label. This four piece has toured the U.S. four times and had more than ten lineups. The seven songs they recorded for this EP were done at Echo Park studios (Mellencamp does a lot of his work there) in Southern Indiana. With a firm root amongst three vocalists (although Damien does the predominant work) and brooding, personal lyrics, Dead Letter Auction's plan of attack has them utilizing roots in hardcore and *true* emo (don't even think of Dashboard Confessional). Damien's vocals may come across as awkward upon the first listen, but with such deliberately honest contributions from the lyrical department, they shouldn't be done in any other style. The best description is to say they are forcefully sung/spoken. Dead Letter Auction has diversified their style since their founding four years ago. They're much more comfortable in using melodies and dynamics and while they used to be much harder, now the band has learned how to best utilize the hardcore screams and harsh guitar tones at just the right moment in order to best amplify their emotional intent. Much of their current material is reminiscent of Ebullition and Gravity Records releases, with perhaps some 400 Years thrown in for good measure. Listening to **Vertigo**, I found what is no doubt one of the most exciting and original bands (especially live) not only from Indiana, but in the U.S. Kurt Morris
Action Man Magazine – January 2003
I can't help but wonder if Dead Letter Auction have listened to the Van Pelt, whose album Sultans of Sentiment would be considered one of the best emo records ever, had pop bands like Jimmy Eat World and the Get Up Kids not been lumped into the genre. See, the Van Pelt were on the artier side of Emosville: minimal guitar clangs gave way to spoken prose, often becoming bursts and shouts but never leaning toward pop music. Dead Letter Auction have been compared to screamo bands like Portraits of Past, and they've been called hardcore a number of times as well. Either Vertigo marks a big departure for the band, or most zine writers just haven't heard the Van Pelt.
Of course, it's entirely possible that Dead Letter Auction combined elements of hardcore, spoken/sung lyrics and textured minimalism and arrived by chance at a place which other bands had already visited. Everything on Vertigo is sincere, but not forced; intelligent, but not too cerebral. Keyboards bubble around the surface in places, recalling Joy Division without breaking the mood set by the album's heavier moments. The lyrics teeter between abstract and political, which is a hell of a lot better than singing about April memories holding hands or some shit.
All in all, you'll like Dead Letter Auction if you like the Van Pelt. If you've never heard of either, you should still give Vertigo a spin if you're hungry for some moody post-hardcore. Paul J. Lombardi

Calamity project - December 2002
indiana's dead letter auction unleashes this 7 song EP on excusions into the abyss. i've heard this band be called screamo, but they're more or less somber, straight up indie. the songs on this EP are a collection of dark indie/pop songs that are laden with melodies and catchy rhythms and hooks.
the one thing i like about this band the most is that their sound reminds me of saetia's mellow parts, and has build ups like portaits of past. i guess you can call this stuff screamo in a sense, but it's more of an indie/emo/pop sound in my opinion. the songs on the record tend to pull emotions out of you, and move you. dark, brooding melodies and rhythms keep you hooked from start to finish.
definitely a must have for anyone who's a fan of dark indie/pop/emo, or a fan of screamo's more mellow parts. an excellent listen, and worth checking out.

Collective Zine - April 2003
I remember getting a 7" a while back by these guys and it was a pretty cool screamy emo type thing. Well, obviously they have gotten bored of screaming a lot, like Engine Down and 12 Hour Turn and all those other dudes who started making indie rock once their voices got too fucked up or something. Well, Dead Letter Auction may have stopped yelling but they still make some pretty interesting music. It is melodic and has a fairly spacey flavour to the guitars, which works quite nicely. This really does make me think of that kind of more recent Lovitt Records sound (if there is such a thing) and over the 7 tracks here, Dead Letter Auction have done a decent job. They mix up the instrumentation and it sounds as though there may be some strings on here at times although it is difficult to tell. Adds to the atmosphere mind you. The vocals go from sung to this strange kind of monotone sing-shout, that is a terrible description I know but you'll have to put up with it. Overall this is a solid effort that I can enjoy but I doubt I would come back to it too often. If you like things like the newer Engine Down or Bats and Mice you might want to check this out. - andy malcolm

Stickfigure - May 2002
Dead Letter Auction “Vertigo” cd (excursions into the abyss) - Indiana’s dead letter auction have been listening to a lot of radiohead over the past year. While there are definite traces of their mid 90’s screamy hardcore sound from their earlier releases, dead letter auction have successfully melded those influences with radioheadesque pop hooks and pop melodies, complete with a dual vocals that play off each other very well.

Invisibleyouth.com - December 2002
This is a nice indie rock band that kicks out some well-written jams. With jams that sound somewhat similar to Modest Mouse and Portrait at times, DLA pulls off some very welcomed dynamics and a mix of vocals between singing and very occasional screamed vocals.

Pucknation - March 2002
Score: 7 (of ten)
i heard this band compared to Portraits of Past. Although that comparision isn't completely inaccurate, Portraits of Past had this insane energy that would just boil over into complete rage, and while Dead Letter Auction never really acheives that. They do sound like Portraits of Past in their build-ups, they just never take them as far as they could. However, they are still a good band, and totally stand on their own. i would definitely suggest this band to anyone that has liked the emo records that Ebullition has put out over the years. Shaun Ketterman

Popshot - September 2002
There seems to be a lot of fuss over the freshest New York band. The dopest too. Dead Letter Auction are probably not aware of this. They play mid-tempo screamo with political and personal lyrics, sloppy rhythms, and High School sweetheart guitar work. Perfect for days when you woke up late and walked into the living room to find a note from your boyfriend telling you that he and your best friend are moving to Saigon to head up Wal-Mart's new sweatshop. Tyler McDaniel

X-Mist: - January 2003
7 songs in 25 minutes by this band from Indiana, playing somewhat alternative indie-rock with an emotive inner tension... so this band can be filed somewhere in between bands like SAETIA or PORTRAITS OF PAST, and MODEST MOUSE or RADIOHEAD on the other side! really well-done!

Heartattack #35 - August 2002
Dead Letter Auction play mid tempo rock with spoken/shouted vocals that are too loud, of course. The music is competently played and well recorded. They slow down and speed up here and there. The lyrics are personal and introspective. Steve Snyder

Razorcake #12 - February 2003
I had almost forgotten that shoegazing could sound like this, probably because I sold every last noise-pop record I ever owned that was this horrible to a record store which pandered shamelessly to Anglophilic Britpop fans who wore their bangs in their eyes, boys and girls alike. This is rock for the no self-esttem set, music for people who long for records that were released 12 years ago but still want to pretend to keep up with the times. While I'm sure the band would call this emo (and they'd be right if they were referring to self-indulgent shit in musical form), it has still been a long time since I've heard a record which is singularly this awful, regardless of the genre. On the bright side, I've always wanted an orange coaster. Puckett

here's a review that's in german!
this is google's transalation: (which is confusing , if not humorous)
Evaluation:
At a time these days, those dark and full with precipitation are reach me these CD of DEAD TYPE CHARACTER AUCTION. As fitting, I thought as I the CD for the first time through-heard myself...
From away Wayne/Indiana come DEAD TYPE CHARACTER AUCTION, which already formed itself 1998 to volume. As the first publication they brought a D.I.Y. demo CD out, rockten with approx. 125 Shows and four routes the United States. A 7"-ep "Romancing the Actors" followed after Excursions Into The Abyss. Now thus the third plate of the four Americans!
DLA go in music with clear, minimalistic guitars a tacken toward THE CURE. Key board effects, very melancholische & melodioese guitar work (m. Choruseffekt) refer to it. Straight with the second Song "From A Forest ton of The Sea"...
In addition, the songs could be compared by structures and sounds with those by Van Pelt, Sonic Youth, Radiohead, Les Savy Fav. Sometimes the inclined working singing will be responsible for the latter, which is nearly always mehrstimmig by the way. Generally one speaks probably here rather of the alternative Indie skirt, mixed with Wave.
The melodies work sometimes very slowly-acting (necessarily not meant negative) & very melancholisch. That does not mean however that DEAD TYPE CHARACTER AUCTION can come out not also from itself, because with/two Songs can be them also in parts times a little screamy... Nevertheless: I would have wished myself nevertheless somehow with the Durchhoeren more alternation wealth. The sound was almost perfectly taken up and merged brilliant and. As said, I had my problems with these CD because of the relative monotonousness. After I belonged it to me now however three to five times, I can say: "the album has which!"

Cancer of Time

Punk Planet [#59 - Jan/Feb2004]
i love this record. Dead Letter Auction play quiet/loud indie rock with a harder edge. This little demon is filled with changes and beautifully dissonant guitar lines. The songs have lots of melody and instrumentation, so there's never a dull moment. The guitars are simply amazing and, at times remind me of Engine Down or Shotmaker. i don't think there's a bad song on this whole CD. There are quiet moments, but the urgency and energy never let up. The vocals are done in the shouted/sung way that fits so well with this style of music. Great band. Krystle Miller

Calamity Project [11/17/03]
i loved this band's previous EP "vertigo", and upon receiving this cd i was excited to check it out. these guys got even better! this being their first full length, their sound has evolved a bit more. they took the sound of the "vertigo" cd and expanded on it, and created a melodic, moving record. like vertigo, this record enthralls you, pulling emotions out of you. their songwriting is up there with the best of the indie and emo (mid 90's emo, for those of you who can't distinguish what i mean by emo). the band has a great ability to use melody and passion to their advantage, and this is very apparent on this record. it's got a very fugazi/early dischord kind of feel to it in many respects, and also kind of reminds me of elements of need, and at times i get that policy of three sort of feel. really awesome. their jammed out, melodic parts are ones to be admired, as well as their more intense parts. all in all, this is an amazing full length, and a great follow up from "vertigo". don't make the mistake of passing this up, it's one of those gems that you just can't miss out on.

Hartboiled [8/06/03]
I was really doubting that there would ever come something new concerning music ever again, but Dead Letter Auction showed me that there was no reason to doubt! The bass could be the Fugazi bass, the drums are very pounding and tricky and the guitars play beautiful melodies which always rise to infectious parts. Dead Letter Auction manage it to build up such a great tension and for me they are one of the best indie-rock bands around. The vocals remind me of Robert Smith of The Cure sometimes, but it is often more energetic. Some parts of "Give Chance" even remind me of the calm Isis parts, and I know how strange that must sound to you, but it is really cool. The CD is very appealing, it has beautiful black and white pictures, beautiful fonts, beautiful lyrics and beautiful everything! I am really looking forward to the upcoming releases by Dead Letter Auction and you guys should really listen to this one, it is just plain great music. Marcia

Exoduster.com [8/01/03]
Since 1998, Dead Letter Auction (from recently flooded Fort Wayne, IN) have been playing and working as many young bands on sort do. Yet, over some fall outs and ins, the core of DLA has stuck together through a variety of EPs, 7"s and tours to finally knock out their first full-length with Cancer of Time. Starting off on "Foreshadow" like Jazz June's cousin, DLA begin their quickly defining sound of swirling guitars, mid-tempo drums and whiny distant vocals of the indie breed and reminiscent of the cadences of ATDI. The most characteristic aspect of their sound is no doubt the vocals and the guitars. Specifically, the guitars are sans distortion throughout most of the record's twelve tracks and only come in sparingly otherwise. As you might expect this adds to the indie feel of the record and unfortunately a somewhat tin-like sounding recording. However, I think this does not necessarily detract from the sound that DLA is attempting to tackle. That this is case is probably more
impressive since they did the recording and had the mix done in 20 hours in Chicago. Cancer of Time is one of those albums where it is hard to pick out a song or two because the twelve fit well together as one. One drawback to that is it is hard to differentiate between songs so if you played them on shuffle it would be hard to know what's what. DLA have come out with a solid first full-length on Cancer of Time and if they are able to stick around long enough, they should come out on top after getting their just exposure. Brian Fogarty aka, The Professor

Light Up The Sky: [7/10/03]
Rating: 7 out of 10
Dead Letter Auction are a four-piece rock group from the boondocks of Fort Wayne, Indiana who have tactfully taken on a sound that mixes 90's innovative indie-rock with 80's style vocal work. On this, their first full length release, the group have devoted themselves to seeing that they live out the fantasy cross-breeding of The Cure and At The Drive-In that they've been aiming for. It's a plan that toes the lines of complete disaster, however the band pull it off dazzlingly well.
On opening tracks like "Foreshadow" and "Never To End", the band charge through their songs with heavy doses of Dischord-esque tempos and Omar Rodriguez-patent guitar-note construction. During this process, vocalists Damian Hade and Jarod Isenbarger try tirelessly to adapt the larynx of a young Robert Smith. It's a combination that seems like a bad pairing, but at times it really works. This is evident on the slower numbers like "Excise" when the music drags down to a Manchester post-punk pace and drenches the listener in London fog.
The highlight on the disc is the albums title track and the disc's closer, "Cancer of Time". It starts off with haunting guitars and chiming pianos that pick up at a medium pace at about a minute and ten seconds in. From there, the drums blow open to encompass a heavy hitting bass line while the vocals trade pleas with the octave chords on the six-string. It repeats the same pattern and concludes with another minutes worth of dreary mood music to finish off the the disjointed lyrics - which sound like a cut and paste journal entry.
Overall the release is solid, but at times the songs drag on a minute too long or the vocals sound a little too monotonous. It's the excess fat that needs to be trimmed, and surely maturity with time will do so. Until then, give this album a listen because it's a well-documented beginning of a band that is just starting to get things going. MA

STNT: [11/24/03]
« C’est le nouvel album de Robert Smith ? » dixit un Curiste de passage (véridique !)…Non juste le premier long effort de Dead Letter Auction qui avait mis la puce à l’oreille dernièrement avec un précédent Ep très prometteur. Si la blague est facile concernant le mimétisme touchant entre la voix du guitariste chanteur de Dead Letter Auction et le leader de The Cure, il n’en reste pas moins que ce « cancer of time » est le pont idéal entre le rock new wave des anglais et le post hardcore de Fugazi, première époque. Et si ce raccourcis vous semble simpliste vous pouvez rajouter à la liste les noms de North of America, the Regulator Watts, the Plan…pour ne citer qu’eux ! Mais au-delà de ces rapprochements toujours trop rapides, Dead Letter Auction développe à travers ces douze chansons une atmosphère tendue, mélancolique presque dépressive…tout en passant par des poussées de rage compréhensible. Et même si le disque s’essouffle un tout petit peu sur la fin, Dead Letter Auction arrive à tenir en haleine à l’aide d’une tension et d’une énergie palpable tout le long de cet album très réussi. A ne pas louper !

greg (24/11/03)

rough translation:
"It is the new album of Robert Smith? "dixit Curiste of passage (veracious!)... Not just first long effort of Dead Letter Auction which had put the chip at the ear lately with very promising a Ep precedent. If the joke is easy concerning the imitation touching between the voice of the guitarist singer of Dead Letter Auction and the leader of The Cure, it does not remain about it less than this "cancer of time" is the ideal bridge between the rock'n'roll new wave of English and the post hardcore of Fugazi, first time. And if this short cuts seems to you simplistic you can add with the list the names of North of America, the Regulator Watts, the Plane... to quote only them! But beyond these bringings together always too fast, Dead Letter Auction develops through these twelve songs a tended atmosphere, melancholic person almost depressive... while passing by pushes of comprehensible rage. And even if the disc blows very small little on the end, Dead Letter Auction manages to hold in breath using a tension and of a palpable energy all along this very successful album. With not louper!

AMG REVIEW: [8/04/03]
Although the Indiana four-piece Dead Letter Auction have numerous releases under their belt since forming in 1998, Cancer of Time is their first full-length. Having endured many lineup changes, their original is back together on this recording. One of the things that first comes to attention is that the vocal tone is redundant for most of the album, with a pleading, painful sound emitted from the vocalist's throat. It helps at some moments and at others it seems to distract from the music. Musically, the band seems to be a bipolar personality, with the occasional fast part and then the distorted, ambient portion, followed by the typical emo-hardcore posings. Compared to past releases, the feel is certainly much darker, making for a more mature and dramatic listening. All told, Cancer of Time is welded together to make for a solid release, potentially one of the best of the band's career. — Kurt Morris

Delusions of Adequacy: [9/08/03]
Dead Letter Auction is a group that attempt to transplant the post-hardcore vibe of DC circa 1991 to Chicago, circa now. Cancer of Time begins with the Fugazi- (ahem) inspired “Foreshadow.” It’s got the biting angular guitar lines and even comes complete with some Guy Piciotto-esque back up screams. Most of the album continues along similar fashion of a band trying to sound like they belong on Dischord Records.
The band plays with passion and intensity, but its influences are worn a little too proudly on sleeves. They’ve incorporated the dissonance, distortion, and minor chords that bands from the nation’s capitol all but have a trademark on. There are traces of influence from a slew of post-hardcore groups be they: Juno, the Exploder, Shiner, At the Drive-In etc.
At times, when the music is most melodic, the vocalist manages to sound quite similar to the oft-anguished Robert Smith of the Cure. When this happens, the result is a pleasing mixture of melody and aggression. However, mostly the vocals are delivered in a monotonous scream to go along with the abrasive rhythms.
The album closer is the title track. On it, Dead Letter Auction finally pull off what was missed on the other 11 songs. They manage to create an original song that blends angular post-hardcore guitar with an underlying sense of melody, and layer it with violins, creating a sound that best compliments the vocals. The result is an emotionally resonant closer. If Dead Letter Auction is able to repeat this success in future efforts, it may be on to something. In the meantime, this is a band struggling to create music that is something more than mediocre. - Dan

indieworkshop.com [8/05/03]
Honestly…I wanted to dislike this band after the 5th listen. I’m not kidding and I’ll openly admit that I have a bitchy ear. If I’m not into it by the second listen; it’s in the heap collecting in my closet. The other day I was tossing this record towards that pile when the front door buzzed and I set “Cancer of Time” on my desk next to my duct tape and Aquafina (yes…a water snob as well). DLA did not walk the plank that day by god, so they’ve remained only to be sacrificed on the critic’s altar.
I’m not going to “front” that this is the best thing since locking headstocks or the inception of “laptop” as a valid and playable instrument. What this is is the follow up to “Vertigo”. They’ve tossed together a mix-mash of hardcore, spoken/sung lyrics and textured minimalism to create a sound that at times other writers have likened to Robert and crew of the Cure. Blind me in one eye and pour salt in the other and I can, at times, see this is true. What I do know is that this is a band that’s had ten line up changes since 1998 and like to put that as pertinent point on their one-sheet. I applaud the effort, I really do. Again, I’m bitchy.
DLA do have their moments. The opening on “cut” number 12 is melodically serene. The drums drive, the guitars jingle jangle and a moving keyboard line jumps around a bit. Then all hell breaks loose once again much like the rest of the record. After a while it gets harder to tell each tune apart. Dead Letter does sound like they’d be a good, groovy live show. I believe they feel the same way and I quote the one-sheet, “ The high energy (no hyphen needed) and inescapable grooves are accomplished through pounding bass and drums.” Yes, this is true, what is not is any kind of parallel with The Cure.
I’d say this is good for a few songs then you’ll need to change it up and come back to it again. Musically, it’s an attention grabber, and sometimes the yell/scream/sing/shout/ spoken word action gets a little tiresome, especially if you stay in the same two- tone range the entire time. I’d say spice things up with some ass busting screams and a little start stop, or maybe don’t liken yourself to Radiohead in your one-sheet (hmmm, I used a hyphen). To the general public take these words as a grain of salt. Go see for yourself; they’re on tour soon. To find dates, pop Dead Letter Auction in on Google and ride the curl.
You see I’m a fan of a record I can spin for a couple hours. You know, front to back, side to side and all that shit. And this just isn’t one of them. That’s the anthem, get your damn hands up! - Todd

Bornbackwards.com [12/30/03]
Dead Letter Auction is a pretty good band from Fort Wayne, Indiana. They have nice, angular guitar parts and a nice wall-of-noise-always-distorted Trail of Dead quality. I might think they were a great band, but I can’t get past their singer. His voice annoys me. Very Badly. And I like Jawbreaker with Blake Schwarzenbach’s perpetual smoker’s voice, and Bright Eyes with Conor Oberst’s voice shaking every time he hits too low a note. At his best, Dead Letter Auction's singer reminds me of Guy Picciotto of Fugazi. At his worst, he seems to spout words without regard to time or melody, which makes me just want to turn the CD off. The lyrics are totally indecipherable because of his sloppy singing. Voice doubling doesn’t seem to help either, because some people just aren’t meant to sing.
The first track, “Foreshadow”, is the best. The guitar parts remind me of Cursive’s Domestica and the drums beat out an interesting post-punk rhythm. It seamlessly fades into the second song and the vocals begin to grate on my nerves. But wow, the music is good. Most of the subsequent tracks really fall into a formula of quiet start, loud middle, quiet end. And as a result, the songs tend to blur together. All except for the last track, my second favorite on the record. It starts off with undistorted guitar, and a keyboard set on the violin setting. It sounds pretty awesome. Even when the vocals start in, I don’t mind that much. The guitar work reminds me of The Get up Kids guitar parts from Woodson and Four Minute Mile. Anything that recalls their early stuff is listenable in my book. Their lyrics are pretty well written poetic stuff. In “Foreshadow” they quote The Aenid, and the second song is just one long quote from Black Spring by Henry Miller (the author of Tropic of Cancer).
I bet these guys would be a great live performance, kinda like how Thursday’s live performace comes across better than any of their records can. Check this out if you think you can handle the vocals. - Austin

PA Hardcore:
some decent indie rock type stuff. it suprisingly kept my interest to the 9th song before i took it out to put in guns and roses. it reminds me of alot of those weirdo bands revelation was putting out after the figured hardcore wasnt cool anymore. the musics really solid but the vocals get super obnoxious after awhile. sometimes it reminds me of prema and sometimes garrison. not great but if indie rock is your steez id recommend it. good layout. Wawa Strike

X-mist:
NEW - 1st full album (12 songs) by this indie-rock/emocore band from Indiana, often described as "the CURE meets FUGAZI", but definitely also comparable to bands like 400 YEARS, or at times even like SHOTMAKER with a clearer sound.

Insound:
dead letter auction's debut full length cd is twelve tracks of music that delivers enough melody and dynamic changes which makes it more interesting the vast majority of indie rock albums released this year. The guitar sound ranges from loud and distorted to quiet subtle dissonances. The high-energy and inescapable grooves are accomplished through pounding bass and drums. Dead letter auction will appeal to fans of juno, trail of the dead, sonic youth, dinosaur jr, radiohead, at the drive in and more.

Announcements

2008-07-15T09:26:00.007-04:00

Dead Letter Auction will be playing at least two shows in NYC at the end of August.
The lineup will be Damian, Jarod, Chris, and John McCormick; John Cheesebrew couldn't make it due to familial and work obligations.
We are all SUPER excited about doing this, and to be able to spend some time together again. There are a lot of maybes flying around, so more details will be announced very shortly.

In light of this I'm going through our left over merch, we will have a super cheap package deal on everything. ie both cds (Cancer of Time + Vertigo) + T-shirts for $5 in person, $7ppd. I just have to do inventory. Which will be done this week.

in related news:
I have the Portraits of Past t-shirts and posters designed and approved, just waiting on final show information to finish up the posters. Once printing begins I will release the images. I am going to San Francisco July 30 - August 5 for the Portraits of Past shows on August 1st and 2nd.

A new round of summer classes, well just one actually. I got another A in my previous class, so I'm still doing pretty awesome. This new class sounds a lot more intense, so I'll actually have to do my work, etc.
And I did get the German program thing all figured out, so I begin that next month as well. 2 semesters to go.

but wait there's more...